Circus of Night
by TheAngelIsrafel
Summary: Allen is sent off on an asignment, however the place he's sent to isn't normal. It's the Circus of Night, a place that caters to everyones desires, whether they know what they are or not... This is not Pure Yullen, stop bitching about the lack of it, this is a STORY, with a PLOT, that contains other pairings WITH Allen in them.
1. Gone before Dawn

**Disclaimer: **I hold no ownership of the story of -Man only the idea for this plot…

**Warning: **Dub Con, Terrified and confused Allen, some vulgar words, soul searching during said dub con.

**Note from Israfel: **"…Hi…" I say. A tumbleweed rolls by I see, "…" You say, glaring at me for my absence.

Honestly I am sorry for being off in Lala land (lol puns) but I've been missing this story, this fic, this everything. I intend to keep up with this, at a slow pace since I work full time (should be in school, but I have to fix some tax issues) and have the general issue of Life happening.

Dude I seriously just realized that my section breaks have been removed 8i they were simple dashes and just ARGH I have to use this stupid unappealing XXXX thing for section breaks now. LAME

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Gone before the Dawn**_~

_Come one, Come all_

_Gather round boys and girls_

_And try not to stall_

_The shows about to start_

_The world's in a daze_

_And you're about to be amazed_

_This circus is in town for just one night_

_Are you ready for a fright?_

_Come one, Come all_

_Ladies and Gentlemen are you ready for a treat_

_This isn't any ordinary feat_

_Prepare to be astounded_

_Prepare to be confounded_

_This worlds about to take on a whole new look._

_Are you prepared for it to be shook?_

_The time has come my friends_

_Do you have all your trends_

_If not it's too late_

_Take your seats and please be hushed_

_The curtains about to fall_

_Are you ready for the call?_

_One…_

_Two…_

_Three…_

_Lights out!_

_In the dim of the night_

_The time is right_

_For all your dreams to come true_

_May they be simple, small,_

_Large or tall,_

_Everyone here is treated to the fear_

_Ask what that is_

_Ask what that is…_

_Look__,__ the curtains rising,_

_Hush now, hush now, there is our actor_

_Can you see him smiling?_

_That's the only factor_

_That will not change…_

xxxxxx

The room is dimly lit, the place heady with smoke from candles and incense that has long burned out. The floor is of polished wood and the walls are covered in expensive drapes and silk curtains. Lush, extravagant pillows litter the flooring, mixed in with petals from white and red roses.

The room has an exotic feel to it.

Allen's sitting in the middle of it. He's atop a rather expensive pillow, sitting in the same manner he sometimes saw Kanda in. There's a low sitting cherry wood table before him with a single, small cup of tea atop it. He isn't sure if it's Earl Grey or even Green Tea - for all he knows it could be Chamomile…

The small exorcist is nervous and unsure of what to do.

He had done as instructed so far, had Timcanpy turned off, tucked neatly away in a bag that reminds the boy of an oversized purse. Allen glances over to the futon on the floor, covered in petals and expensive sheets. The rug beneath it is Persian, the headboard between it and the wall is of a cherry wood.

The door to the room opens up softly and a woman's voice fills the air, bringing in the scent of incense with it. The boy freezes in response to the sound. For a moment he's forgotten how to act, what he has to do. The sound of the woman's voice is deep, and somewhat husky - causes his mind to spin. He's too nervous. _Why was I sent?_

"Why have you come here?" The scent of incense is interlaced with the smell of cigarette smoke, making Allen think that it's coming from one. The smell reminds him of Cross and he can't help but feel somewhat reassured at that. He closes his light colored eyes and reminds himself of what he's doing, why he's there, what Komui had told him.

"_They can't know you're an exorcist, or that you are trying to find out if they have Innocence there…_

…_when they ask why you came, which they will, you have to reply like a real customer-god forbid-like Cross…"_

"Well?" The woman's voice calls Allen back to reality. He looks down at the tea cup, unable to make himself turn around and look at her. _I'm not supposed to right?_

"You're a kid too, funny how you had that much money." More smoke fills the room, coming closer to Allen, somehow numbing his senses, reminding him all too much of Cross.

"Don't be scared. Tell me, what is it that you came here for?" Allen closes his eyes, prepares himself for his response. It comes out almost shaky and far too meek sounding, "To have a - desire filled…"

The exorcist can feel the woman smile, can somehow sense it, before she moves almost silently towards him. He can hear her soft footsteps on the wooden floor as they come closer to him. She kneels down behind him and in an instant his eyes are covered by a cloth and her hand, her other one on his forehead. Allen can feel panic welling up in his system at being plunged into total darkness.

"To have a desire filled? Well let's see what your deepest one is." The woman's voice is too close to his ear, her very being is too near him - it's making his heart race. He can't tell what she's doing, what's going on. He can feel her looking inside his mind somehow, can feel her presence inside of his head.

"Ah, I see. You've suppressed all sexual desires in your body, for the sake of your work. Now, just who do you really want the most? Can, no, do you even know?"

Allen suddenly wants to pull away and hide. He can feel his face heating up. He feels like something inside of him is being exposed, something unpleasant that he's denied most of his life…

"So, who do you really want?" For a split second, for that single sentence, it wasn't that woman's voice that spoke to him. It was Kanda's. Allen yanks himself away from the woman. He hits that table and knocks the tea over along with himself. The boy stares at the woman, both astounded and scared by what he's heard. _Why Kanda?_

The woman's appearance demands his attention, keeping him from letting himself think. Her face is painted in a beautiful yet odd manner, her hair is long and wavy, turns into ivy at the ends. She has wings, a bit like a fairies that seem to glow. The woman moves closer to Allen, till she's leaning atop him.

"Who did you hear?" Her voice is demanding and laced with curiosity. She can see how surprised he is. Before the exorcist can stop her, her hands move up and her fingers touch his temples.

Allen can't help but picture Kanda when she does that.

"I see…this man, he's the one you desire." The woman stands and yanks the boy up with her, tossing him onto the futon. For a second he's surprised by how soft the bed is, considering it's on the floor. That's when he notices that the room is slowly filling up with a fog and that the woman is retreating to the door.

"Have fun," She calls back. "Make sure you are gone before daylight, otherwise you belong to us, as stated in the contract…" The fog has filled the room so much now that the only thing Allen can see on the other side is the faint glow of the candles. He can hear the door open and shut and for a moment he thinks he's alone.

He's wrong though, because Kanda is suddenly standing beside the futon, scaring Allen more than surprising him.

"K-Kanda…?" The exorcist hates how shaky his voice suddenly is.

"I'm an illusion created for you."

"What?"

The Asian man doesn't say anything more, instead he begins to remove his exorcist jacket. Panic is welling up inside of Allen and he suddenly finds himself on his knees and yanking the jacket shut.

"You want to undress me?" Kanda's voice is too real, sounds too much like the real one. It makes Allen shiver visibly, whether it's fear or desire he can't tell. The boy is pushed back onto the futon, his hands are held down and he can _feel_ Kanda's hair on his cheeks.

His face heats up as lips press against his own.

They feel real, and exactly as he imagined - _when did I? _- almost too real. Allen can't help but love the sensation, the idea of Kanda's lips on his own - _this isn't real!_ He yanks away with a gasp, cheeks inflamed and bright red. The Asian man breathes against the younger ones ear before licking the shell.

The boy can feel a knee force its way in between his legs and before he can react Kanda's body is lying flush against his own. He is momentarily lost in his own head. Allen's feeling too much all at once, too many unfamiliar sensations are running through him.

"Kanda - Stop!" He suddenly feels panicked again, a fresh wave flooding his system. He doesn't know why, except that he knows _this_ Kanda isn't real. The tongue against his neck says otherwise and for a split second his mind goes blank, long enough for his shirt to be pushed up. Allen starts to struggle, tries to push Kanda back and to free himself - _This is too much!_

His body feels sluggish and is reacting slowly, too slowly. He wonders if there had been something in the tea he had been given earlier. "Stop!" The boy's thoughts seem to be slowing down and before he knows what's happening he feels Kanda's hands undoing his pants, his shirt lying on the floor somewhere. The Asian man is only half dressed now.

"Why are you fighting?" Allen's breathing is labored and he feels electricity run through his body. He's reacting to the others voice and he doesn't know why. He doesn't understand anything of what's happening - the feeling are too foreign. _This isn't right! I hate Kanda, I'm supposed to like Linalee…_

Supposed to…

"Get off me!" The Asian man is shoved back, amusement clear in his eyes.

"You fight me, but your arousal is obvious."

"What the hel-" Allen's voice stops in his throat as Kanda's hands are in his pants now and his crotch is being groped. The feeling that shoots through him is akin to liquid fire and it's starting to create a rift between his body and his heart.

"See? You do like this." The boy reaches up and tries to push Kanda's hands away, but the sudden squeeze to his cock causes his mind to go blank and his body to freeze. He's suddenly pushed back, his hands held down by just one of the older man's.

"If you plan on resisting then I'm going to restrain you." Allen tries to do just that, to free himself, although the more he struggles the more he can _feel_ Kanda. Whatever was in the tea is really starting to affect him.

"Let me go!" His voice is weak sounding and ineffective as his hands are tied together by the white ribbon from the other's hair. He's fixed to something behind him and by the time he realizes it's the headboard he can't do anything about it.

"Kanda Stop!" He's shouting, desperate now. There is a hot tongue on his chest, licking ever so slowly lower. Allen can't deny that it feels good - _He's not real!_ His pants are suddenly being pulled down, boxers and all. The boy's body is frozen and all he can do is stare at the older man, panic clear in his eyes.

"You're hard, despite your resistance." The Asian man opens his mouth and licks up the underside of Allen's dick. The boy's mind is falling apart and something in it tells him that he's thought about this before.

"Please - don't!" Allen closes his eyes. His mind screaming at him, telling him that what's happening shouldn't be.

"Maybe you want me to rape you." Kanda muses before submerging Allen's obvious arousal in his mouth. The boy's suddenly seeing stars. The illusion's mouth is captivating and his body is begging for more.

"Stop…" Allen's mind is still saying no, even though his body is trembling with need. The suction increases and that _tongue _is caressing him, causing his mind to go blank once more.

"…ah…Kanda…" The words are almost silent but they're still there, making Allen's world spin. He's about to cum, about to moan the other's name again but before he can, Kanda suddenly pulls away. The smaller exorcist's mind is empty and dazed, his body feels like it's throbbing. The illusion of Kanda sits up and pulls the boy's pants off completely before removing his own.

Allen shivers, feeling far too exposed for his liking. He tries to pull his legs up, to cover himself, to create some sort of barrier between him and the other man. It doesn't work, none of his efforts have. Kanda's hands are on his knees, pulling them down, coaxing him into spreading his legs.

The boy can feel his heart beating harshly against his rib cage. "Kanda…please… don't…" He's begging now, asking the illusion to stop, pleading with him. Allen can feel his mind breaking, that if this actually happens he won't be the same, he won't be able to speak to the real Kanda properly ever again.

"Don't…" The small exorcist begs again, closing his eyes and turning his head away. For a moment he doesn't feel anything and the room is silent, so silent that he thinks the illusion has listened to him. That's when he feels an all too gentle and all too _real_ kiss on his forehead and then one on his temple.

Allen can feel his body trembling again, can almost hear his heart hammering against his rib cage. Fingers are slipped into him and he opens his eyes. The boy is staring up into Kanda - _he's not real!_

"…stop…" He gives a tug to the restraints on his arms, a weak one. He can tell that his body has given up fighting, has given in to what's happening.

"I…don't want this…" Allen feels like his heart is breaking and he can't figure out why, he doesn't understand why it hurts so much to have this happen. The fingers inside him are moving about and his body's reacting even more. The boy is starting to cry despite the fact that he is beginning to push back against Kanda's hand.

"I wouldn't be here if you really didn't." Allen closes his eyes again, tells himself once more that _this Kanda_ isn't real, that he's not the one he sees all the time back at the Order. The boy is trying to think, trying to understand why it's Kanda that the woman said he desired.

His mind is brought to a sudden halt when the fingers inside of him press against something that makes his back arch and his mouth drop open in a hardly suppressed moan. That's when it clicks into place, when he understands why it was Kanda that had come to mind when asked what he wanted.

He really did desire Kanda, but not for sex, or anything as physical as that. He loved the man because of who he was, because he was strong and graceful, because he had his pride and refused to let anything touch him. Allen stares up at the foggy ceiling, his cheeks wet from the silent tears he's crying. He had known he admired Kanda but he had never realized that his admiration for the older man had become something akin to love…he had told himself long ago when he lost Mana that he wasn't going to love anyone that strongly again.

The fingers slip out of him and for a second the boy feels lost. He knows that it's about to happen, that he's about to break. Kanda is pressing against him, is almost inside of him, _almost_ and Allen decides to give in, because this is something that he never expects to happen again and a small part of his mind tells him that he _does_ want this, that he _needs_ this.

The small exorcist spreads his legs, allowing the Asian man to have more access to him and before he knows it, he's being stretched open by something that is much larger and much hotter than the fingers. The boys' eyes are shut tight and he's still crying silent tears. Within a moment the pressing stops and Kanda is fully seated inside of him.

Allen's breathing is erratic, he's wanting to say something, that he doesn't believe the man when he tells him this is what he wants. His mind is a mess and he's starting to feel more than just lost - confused. He knows that this is something that he wants now but at the same time he feels like he's falling apart.

Kanda kisses him on the lips and Allen pulls his previously closed eyes open a second. The Asian man's lips really are just too good and too much like what he thought they would be. The boy still doesn't know where those thoughts had come from, or when he had pictured the older man this way. He knows that he had at some point but he's unable to remember when. Kanda pulls back from him, and gently rocks his hips forward, teasing the boy below him.

Allen's mouth falls open, a sudden jolt of pleasure shoots through him and he can't think. His backside aches from being stretched so far open yet at the same time he likes it and he can't explain why. The two kiss again and this time Allen is willing, allowing the other to slip his tongue in. It's in that moment that Kanda pulls out and pushes himself back in. The kiss is broken as the smaller male gasps at the sensation.

The Asian man repeats the action, out and then back in, harsher than before and Allen is gasping again. His head is tilted back and his body is throbbing, tingling all over. The motion is repeated again and the boy's almost empty mind has a few scattered thoughts. Among them he is sympathizing with Cross for sleeping with so many people.

His mouth drops open as he feels hands on his hips, tilting them up a little more. Out and then back in. If this really was what sex was like he wouldn't mind having more of it. Out and back in - harsher now. Allen lets out another breathy sound and looks up at Kanda. The Asian man looks fantastic to him and his heart suddenly hurts. _He's not real…_ The thought is depressing and he knows why he's letting this happen now. He really is in love with the man and he feels like his affection will never be returned.

Out and back in, faster now. Allen squeezes his eyes shut, feeling even more now. He's trying not to let the pain in his heart override the pleasure. He lifts his legs up, wraps them around Kanda's waist, wishing that it really _was_ Kanda now. Allen leans up, numbly thinking of what he could do if his hands were free. He kisses the man, timidly, before gasping as something inside of him is bumped.

"Feels good?" Kanda's breath is next to his ear, his voice is sinking into his mind, eating away at him slowly. The boy can only whimper in reply, as that place inside of him is hit again. He wants his hands free more than ever now, wishing that he could touch the illusion of the man he wants.

The boy initiates another kiss, a sloppy one as they are both reaching their limit. Kanda lets out a low sound, making the other's insides turn in sheer pleasure. He reaches up and unties the smaller male's hands. Within seconds Allen has his hands tangled in Kanda's long dark hair.

"Please… hold me…" The exorcist whimpers knowing that he's about to reach his limit. Their movements are frantic and both are close. Allen can feel something inside of him about to break, something that will snap with his release. He doesn't care though, not anymore because all he wants now is to hold onto Kanda, even if what he is holding onto is an illusion…

The Asian man wraps his arms around the smaller male, lifts him off of the futon and into his lap. Out and back in. Allen's moving his body more now, the uncontrollable pleasure flooding his system. He's holding onto Kanda like his life depends on it. They kiss again, and the boy can feel his mind falling apart.

He's starting to cry again.

Kanda makes a sound, breaking the kiss, and Allen hides his face in his neck, moaning softly as the place inside of him is hit repeatedly. He tightens his grip on the man's shoulders, inhaling deeply, trying to make everything last. He can't though and he is cuming within seconds.

His body is shaking as bright white stars pop and explode before his eyes. The feeling only lasts for a few seconds before it starts to fade, taking his mind along with it.

xxxxxx

A door is slammed open and Allen finds himself being yanked out of bed in a strong grip. He's lost for a moment, his head spinning. The first thing he realizes is that he's naked and he reaches for a blanket, something - anything - to cover himself. The second thing that his mind takes notice of is that he is still in the extravagant room, still on the futon bed.

He looks up, shocked, as the strong grip on his arm drops him back onto the floor. Allen grabs a blanket and covers himself with it, before looking up at the person who woke him.

It's the woman from before, the one that looked inside of his mind. She looks different now, human. Her hair is held back in a low ponytail, no longer turning to vines on the ends, her wings gone. She's dressed in a loose kimono styled dress, two layers, and her face is no longer painted.

"I told you to be gone by morning, _child_." She hisses at him, clearly mad - pissed.

"You got your wish and yet you fall asleep? I said be GONE!" Allen looks down, trying to figure out how he had fallen asleep. He can only recall… He realizes that he must have fainted and his face drains of color.

"I told you that if you were here the next day you belonged to us. Why did you stay?" The woman is shouting still but she sounds desperate and Allen can't help but wonder why. He looks down at the expensive carpet and tries to think of something to say.

"I-I fainted…" he feels weak and stupid saying that. The woman lets out an exhausted sigh and moves across the room, picking the boy's clothes up and tossing them at him.

"Dress yourself child, I must take you to the Circus Master, your new owner." Allen looks up at that, unsure if he heard the woman right.

"Owner…?" He asks, hesitant. The woman fixes him with a hard stare clearly unhappy.

"You signed the paper when you entered the building, said you'd be gone by daylight. You aren't though and therefor you're now property of the Circus of Night. You're stuck here now like the rest of us."

"Stuck…? Allen's leaning forward, still covering his body, ignoring the aches of his body. The back of his mind is telling him that something horrible is about to happen, has happened. _Why was I sent here?_

"Get dressed, our Master will give the final decision as to what work you will be doing here." The woman is frowning still, her facial expressions are set in place but her eyes are showing Allen that she is as scared as he is. The exorcist hesitates a second, feeling like she should leave the room or something.

"I said get dressed." She snaps at him, her voice faltering in its intensity. "You don't have anything I haven't seen before… except that arm…" The boy looks down, at his hands a second before doing as she said. It hurts him to move, to lift his legs to put them in his pants and boxers.

"You have any idea what's going to happen to you now?" The woman sounds choked, fearful even. Allen chooses to remain silent as he moves across the room to pick up his bag with Timcanpy in it up. "This place is worse than brothels…The curses that are set upon us are horrific and those lucky enough to get bought still have to live with them." Allen swallows thickly, he can feel the fear setting into him and he's starting to worry.

"Curses?" He asks, holding his bag close to his chest, desperately want to turn Tim on and send him for help. The woman looks at him before moving towards the door.

"You saw me last night. That is my curse - that is how I look every night, how I'll look for the rest of my life unless I satisfy the conditions on which I was cursed, or as the Master says, Marked." Allen looks down, suddenly wanting to touch his eye.

He was already cursed, he didn't need another one…

"Let's go." The woman leaves the room and the exorcist follows slowly, his heart beating faster than he wants it too. He can already feel something terrible is about to happen.

_and he has no clue how bad it's about to get_

Edit, Edit, Edit. I'm fixing up my old writing mistakes and pretty much just re learning my own story. I have no intention of actually dropping this again. I actually started watching the (HORRIBLE) English dub on Netflix, and I purchased the first five DGM books to read. C:

Please visit my DeviantArt, where this is also going to be posted. My user name there is Lafyel, which is what I go by these day.

~Lafy


	2. Somethign to be Broken

**Disclaimer: **I do not have any rights to the -Man series, because if I did… the series would contain far more angst then it already does…

**Warning: **Mild violence, cursing

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Something to be Broken**_~

The hall is silent and it feels like no one's awake. It's dark and if he didn't know better he would have thought it was night. The only light offered to the two is from small dim lamps set far apart from one another. He looks down at his feet as he's led farther into the building, farther into the darkened and dim place.

Allen is trying to deny how scared he is, how fearful he is of the place. He's telling himself that he'll be able to leave soon, as soon as he finds if there is Innocence there or not…

He's lying to himself though, and he knows it in the back of his mind. His hands are shaking slightly and he's afraid that he's going to have to use his arm on humans… He clutches his bag a little tighter as the woman stops before a door, there is no name on it like the others they have passed.

"What is it that you are called?" Allen blinks, surprised by the woman's voice.

"Allen…" He says after a moment. The woman picks a marker up that was in a basket next to the door. She writes his name on the white plaque before putting the marker back.

"If you ever change what you want to be called, erase this and write it. This is your room now." The door's opened and Allen steps inside. It's smaller than the one he has at the Order, is decorated even less. There is a bed next to the wall and a dresser on the far side of the room, taking up the span between the two walls. Above the dresser is a small window covered in a dark curtain, blocking out the early morning light.

"Leave your stuff here, you won't need it when you meet the Circus Master." Allen looks at the woman before hesitantly setting his bag down. He's thinking about turning Timcanpy on again, sending the golem off. The boy decides against it and leaves the room.

The hall seems even darker than before and he can't help but wrap his arms around himself. The place has a feel to it that makes him feel exposed and _used…_ Allen pushes his thoughts away as he's led farther into the building, and down another hall. He closes his eyes, calming himself before being brought to a halt.

The woman is staring at the door, seeming to collect herself before knocking. She seems nervous herself and it makes Allen feel even more anxious. There's a voice from inside the room, and the woman opens the door, her eyes instantly dropping to the floor.

"Ma'am, we have a new servant…" The woman steps to the side and Allen is given a full view of the room. It's simple yet extravagant, clean but not precise. There's a dark wood dresser on the other side, next to a large four poster bed and in the middle of the room, on an expensive looking carpet is a small table where an older woman is sitting.

She's staring at Allen with scrutiny, taking in every detail she can.

"Ivonne, when did he enter here?"

"Last night, just after dark…" Allen glances over at the woman who has led him there. She is still staring at the floor even when spoken to. The older woman continues to stare at the boy, having never taken her eyes from him.

"How old are you?" She demands and Allen is strongly reminded of some of the women he has met in brothels with Cross.

"Fifteen…" His voice is soft and timid sounding and he hates it. He doesn't want to show them this side of him. Only Cross has ever seen it and it makes him hate himself a little. He doesn't like feeling helpless.

"A child and you are already indulging in sinful things. I hope whatever happened to you last night was fantastic because you are no longer free." Allen lets his eyes drop to the floor as the older woman's voice washes over him. It's starting to sink in, the fact that he no longer has his freedom, that he may be stuck there for a very long time…

The Circus Master stands and moves towards Allen. He's shocked at how graceful she is, at how powerful her presence is and he suddenly _is_ afraid of her. She is no taller than he is and appears to weigh very little.

Before Allen can react her hands are on his sides, measuring his waist – he feels violated.

"You're small but you have some muscles…" The woman's hands move to his arms, squeezing lightly and he feels even more distressed. "Any deformities?" She says this before seeing the boys arm.

"A bit disgusting, but I can fix that." Allen wonders what she means by that but doesn't dare ask. He's too terrified at the moment to do so, to be _brave_ as his mind is putting it.

"Ivonne, take him back to his room, explain the rules, as you are now his Superior. Tonight he will be given his _Mark_." The last word drips from the older woman's mouth like venom and the exorcist is suddenly worried. He knows he's going to be cursed, for a second time in his life and he's terrified at what it's going to lead to.

Allen is led from the Circus Masters room and back to the one that has his name on it. He's forced inside by a look from Ivonne as she shuts the door behind him.

"You are a stupid child." She snaps at him as he takes a seat on the bed. "I don't understand why you didn't listen to me last night. Being here means that you are going to be used - and the way our Owner was looking at you I can tell you that you are going to be selling that body of yours."

"What?" Allen can feel panic in his chest, so much so that it's as bad as when his friends faced death, when _he_ almost died.

"You don't have any say in such things. In this place you are property, to be used and expended at our Owner's will." Ivonne looks away from Allen, her eyes are starting to show her real emotions and it's making him wonder what she really thinks. "This place is never in the same spot twice, unless one of us is being purchased, which seldom happens. We cater to peoples' desires and offer them anything they want. If they want a specific person, like you did, then an illusion is created."

"…How…" Allen is hesitant in his question but feels that he should ask anyways. He has already been yelled at so the thought isn't as scary as it would have been before.

"Through our Owner's powers. She is a sorceress, able to make this place move with the daylight, never being in the same place for more than a night, never having us need to eat. All we need is sleep - sleep even removes any damage done to our bodies, no matter how extensive…"

"Damage?" The boy chokes on the word, wondering just what _damage_ could mean.

"We get customers that want to rape someone, and so we let them. If violence occurs then it does. The person will not die; however if the customer is not satisfied then _punishment_ occurs…" Ivonne looks back at Allen, watching for a reaction. Her face suddenly loses its intense look and she drops to her knees before him.

"I'm sorry that you are going to have to live your life here. Don't lose your mind, don't let this place break you. Please the customers so I don't have to harm you, so that our Owner won't hurt you. If you please them then there's a chance you can get bought…" The woman looks so scared, so terrified, that it makes Allen want to run away.

Ivonne stands and takes the few steps to the door and opens it. "Right now, sleep, because you can't do anything else…" The door is shut and for a second Allen is alone. That's when he hears the sound of a lock clicking into place.

xxxxxx

Linalee is sitting across from her brother in his office. There are papers all over the floor, coffee she spilt on some of them and a tray lying next to the dropped cup. Her mind is spinning and she can't figure out what to do, what to hold onto. Nothing seems real anymore, not even her brother who is sitting next to her, holding her hand.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that…" Komui's voice is strained but sounds reassuring. The female turns to look at her sibling. Her eyes are wide and her face is displaying her emotions for the world to see - she is scared.

"…Gone…how…how can _he_ be…gone…?" Her voice is empty and hollow sounding and it's making the older male worry even more. He knew his sister cared for the boy, but he wasn't sure how much - not until now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know this would happen…" Komui reaches up and rubs his sister's back, although he knows nothing is going to make her feel better. "We'll find him, I promise…"

"HOW?" Linalee snaps, shoving her brother back as she stands up almost violently. "HE'S GONE! LOST IN A PLACE THAT MOVES EVERY NIGHT! HOW ARE WE GOING TO FIND HIM? TIM'S NOT EVEN TURNED ON!" She's crying now, sobbing and it makes Komui hate himself. He's as worried about Allen as she is…

"How?" Linalee asks again, dropping back onto the couch, her tears flowing freely. Komui reaches a hand out and rubs her back, trying to sooth her, to do _something_ to make her feel better. The female shoves the hand away, her small form shaking, trembling almost violently.

"He never should have gone there!" She sobs again, her face buried in her hands. Komui isn't sure of what to do, his mind is telling him to comfort his sister but he doesn't know how, doesn't know what to say or do.

"We'll find him, I'm sure of it…" He looks away from his sister, his heart aching from making her this distraught, this _sad_. He knew he should have locked his office, had made sure no one would over hear. If he had done that then he could pretend that Allen wasn't _lost_ but off on some assignment, it would have worked for some time, would have kept Linalee from crying like this a little longer.

"We'll find him, I promise…"

xxxxxx

Allen is sitting in the silence of the darkened room. The sound of the lock is still echoing through his mind, the women's words repeating themselves to him. He feels nauseated and disgusted with himself. He never knew the pain, the very idea of selling his body would bring. Cross had never made him go that far, had never actually threatened his purity.

The boy lies back on the small bed, his world spinning, making him dizzy and adding to the nauseas feeling in his chest. He closes his eyes, tries to shut reality out, to ignore the room he is in, the knowledge of what's going to happen to him that night.

Everything seems to be falling apart and he suddenly feels like he needs to grasp onto something from his past, something _real_ that can tell him this place is only temporary.

Allen is starting to panic.

He can't keep his eyes still, or ignore the feeling in his chest any longer. He needs to grasp something from before, from when he was an exorcist, from his childhood. He feels like he's forgetting something.

Allen sits up quickly, his heart beating too fast and too loud in the tiny room. He grabs the small bag he brought with him the night before, the only thing that is _his_ still. The exorcist pulls Timcanpy out discarding the bag and the rest of its contents. His hands are shaking and he can't figure out why. It's making it harder for him to turn the golem on, to create the connection with his past self that he desperately needs.

The boy waits a second for Tim to turn on, to power up and once he sees that he is, a sudden relief comes over him. He still has a connection to his past. Allen smiles as the golem takes flight, only to fly up and hit him before returning to his hands.

"You're mad I've had you off for so long?" He asks feeling something inside him ache at the sight of the golden golem. "I'm sorry but you're going to need to be off for a little longer…" Tim opens his mouth, baring his fangs as a sign of protest.

"You have to stay off, Komui's orders. I'll turn you on every so often though…" Allen stares down at Tim, the ache in his chest growing. He doesn't understand it, the feeling, the rising need to just fall apart, it was…

…the feeling of being hopeless…

"I'm going to turn you off now…" The boy ignores the Golem's protests, "I need to, in case they come back, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…" Tim opens his mouth, baring his fangs again as Allen moves to turn him off. His finger is bit and a small amount of pain shoots into his hand and for the life of him he can't figure out why that makes him smile.

"I'm tired, Tim, I'll turn you back on tonight, I promise…" Timcanpy's hold on his finger stays for a moment, increasing in its intensity before letting him go. The exorcist switches the Golem off and sets him back in his bag. He can't figure out why his head is spinning, why he feels empty. Allen decides to take Ivonne's suggestion and lies back on the bed preparing for a restless sleep.

xxxxxx

There is a sudden blaring noise.

Painful and mind numbing.

Allen can't figure out what it is, where it's coming from, all he knows is that he is awake now and that noise is filling his room. It's shrill and piercing and he tries to cover his ears, to shut the sound out. His eyes are starting to tear up the sound is so painful.

The boy twists on his bed and falls to the floor. The pain is searing and seems to be getting worse. He feels like his head is going to explode. He knows he's crying, that the pain is worse than anything he's felt before.

He wants it to stop, the sound that is like fire inside of his skull - that is causing him to yank at his hair in desperation. He is so lost in the sudden agony that he doesn't realize that the door to his room has been opened.

Allen lets out a shout as his scenery suddenly changes.

He's tossed from his room and into the hall, his back colliding with the neighboring wall harshly. The small exorcist groans, falling over himself and crumbling to the floor in a heap. The sound has stopped but his mind is spinning, the hall is shifting before him and he feels like he's going to be sick. Someone is saying something to him and he can't understand it.

He feels like his mind has lost the ability to function properly. Allen tries to push himself up from the floor. He knows he looks pathetic and he's hating it. His body is rejecting his commands, though, doesn't seem to be listening.

The boy's arms are shaking, trembling like his whole body, making it hard for him to make it to his knees. His hair is suddenly grasped and his head is yanked up. He finds himself staring up at Ivonne's 'Night' form. She looks mad but the anger doesn't seem to be directed at him. Allen thinks it's towards herself.

"That sound you heard, Child," her voice is back to being slightly deep, like it was the first time he heard her. "It's what happens when you do not wake up in time for the customers." Allen can feel his head throbbing, the ungodly sound echoing in his ears making his eyes still water. His hair is let go and he drops back onto the ground.

"…That…that will happen…every time I don't wake up?" The exorcist coughs, his head still spinning, the hall still shifting before his eyes. He feels like he's going to vomit soon.

"Yes, now stand and don't give me any crap that you can't." Allen closes his eyes and tries to calm himself, his senses. He pushes himself up, his legs shaking horribly, the world still swimming before him. He has to hold onto the wall to come to his full height and even then he still stumbles.

"This night you will receive one customer, after you are marked." The boy looks up in time to see Ivonne turn and head down the hall. Her wings are back, her hair turning to ivy, her clothes so strange, like a ragged forest nymph's dress. Allen takes a tentative step after her, the woman's image surreal to him. She is getting farther down the hall and he can still hardly move.

He hates himself for feeling helpless, for feeling as weak as he does. He tells himself that Cross has treated him worse, that his master is crueler, but he knows he is lying to himself. Despite the older man's actions there was always a hint of caring in his voice.

The white haired boy shoves himself from the wall and hurries after Ivonne, ignoring the fact that he still feels dizzy, that his stomach is saying he's going to vomit soon if he doesn't stop.

The woman comes to a sudden halt, turning to look back at Allen. She does so in time to see his legs give out, to see him drop to the floor like the child he feels like.

"Become stronger or learn to wake up in time. All new employees are to feel the pain of the sound."

"What was that sound?" Allen squeezes his eyes shut, only to pull them open as the dizzying feeling worsens.

"It was created by the Circus Master's powers." He's suddenly yanked up by his upper arms, pulled back to his feet by the strange female. "It is created to keep us in line, to make sure we obey her command." Ivonne's face is like stone and it raises Allen's panic level.

"It's time for us to go see her." The woman states flatly. Allen's suddenly yanked forward, as she continues down the hall again. The boy stumbles with her steps, trying to keep up with her, to stay up right even while they move.

He has no clue where they are going and his mind is unable to remember the path they are taking, the place just seems too big. Ivonne turns another corner, into a dimmer hall where there are fewer doors. Allen's senses are assaulted by the smell of candles and incense.

The scent is akin to peach blossoms interlaced with something that makes his head feel light. He's pulled to a stop before a door that seems to be rarely used. Ivonne knocks on it twice before it's answered.

The two come face to face with a female whose hair is that of a silvery blue, close but not the same as Allen's. The girl's eyes are bright and large, clear in color, contrasting sharply with the facial pant that Allen is quickly realizing isn't paint. She has a large moon on her forehead and a star under her right eye with what appears to be the night sky streaming from it.

"Hello Ivonne," the girl's voice is smooth and feels calming on Allen's ears. He isn't given the chance to let her voice sink in as he is shoved into the barely lit room violently by the woman still holding his arm. The silver haired girl steps to the side, her face a void of any emotions.

The exorcist is given a glimpse of her outfit and he is surprised by how small the deep blue dress is, how half of it seems to be covered by a large purple, almost black obi.

His arm is released once he is in the center of the room.

"Remove your clothes." The voice is from a boy, close in age to himself. Allen turns to look at the person, surprised how he looks just like the girl with the moon on her forehead just decorated differently.

"Do as he says." Ivonne's voice makes him jump slightly, as it's commanding and as cold as steel. He glances around the room, over at her but realizes that was a mistake as the boy starts to remove his clothes on his own.

Allen jumps, pulling back to fast for his mind to react. He trips over his own feet, and the floor is suddenly moving up on him. He lands harshly, his head hitting the wall he has backed up to.

His head stings as his eyes start to water, blurring the image of the boy whose hair is golden, who seems to be dressed in contrast to the girl with the moon. He has a sun on his forehead. The small exorcist blinks twice, clearing his eyes from the tears that were forming.

The boy is kneeling before him, dressed exactly as the girl only in a pale orange dress and red obi. Allen realizes now that the two are twins. He feels hands on him, unbuttoning his shirt and he can't help but react.

"Don't touch me!" The golden haired boy is shoved backwards, falling onto his sister who stood behind him with a towel.

Allen is suddenly slapped and it takes him a second to realize that Ivonne has moved from where she's been standing. His hair is fisted and he's brought to his knees as his head is yanked backwards.

"Strip now or I will be forced to harm you." Her words are like stone and the boy feels like she is ripping some of his hair out. The little bit of kindness she has shown him that morning seems non-existent now.

"Why?" Despite his better judgment, despite the fact that he has already been slapped he still asks, still defies what is being demanded of him.

"Why?" Ivonne hisses at him, her hand tightens in his hair. "Why you ask? Because we told you to. Now shut up and do as I say." Allen's hair is released and for a moment he thinks he is fine, that she isn't going to do any more to him.

That is until he feels the sudden kick to his abdomen, knocking the wind out of him, causing him to suddenly have trouble breathing, _moving_.

Hands are on him in an instant and he is being pushed down onto his back. It takes the small exorcist a moment to realize what is happening and the second he does panic is exploding inside of him.

"Stop!" He's shouting, struggling as much as possible without harming anyone - he still doesn't want to hurt humans…

"Don't Touch Me!" Allen is silenced with a sudden slap to his face, his mouth being covered before he can say anything more.

"Shut up or I will make you by force." Ivonne is leaning over him, her knee pushing into his stomach, on the spot that will once again create a momentary paralysis in his body. The boy stares up at her, his eyes wide, displaying the fear that he can't deny he's feeling. Her hand stays in place for a moment longer, giving him time to think, to decide on whether or not he truly wants to disobey her any further.

Ivonne leans back slowly, removing her hand from Allen's mouth. For a moment he wants to shout, to scream for help but the self-preservation part of his mind kicks in and he stays silent.

The girl with the moon on her forehead moves into his view, her brother kneels down behind the exorcists head, taking hold of his arms to keep them in place and immobile. Allen can't help but close his eyes, he hates how degrading this is, how inhuman he feels now. His eyes are starting to tear up as the feeling of being helpless sets in again.

His shirt is opened, slipped off his arms by the boy with the sun on his forehead.

Allen's mind is spinning, his world, his _reality_ is slipping away from him. Everything he has known and come to care about back at the Order no longer seems real, to even exist anymore. He can't stop the sudden urge to activate his arm, he can feel the girls hands undoing his pants.

The exorcist opens his eyes and looks over at his arm, at his innocence. He doesn't want to do this, to be there anymore - _activate! _- his mind is pleading, shouting, screaming the word as he fears harming anyone, yet…

Nothing is happening…

…his arm isn't changing into his weapon.

Allen looks up at the boy who is staring down at him with a weak and false smile. He tries to activate his eye, to look into the world of black and white. Yet nothing seems to be happening, to work. _She is a sorceress_, Ivonne's words settle back into his mind as his pants are pulled away, as his body is left bare and exposed.

The fear that the small exorcist has tried to ignore, to deny, comes back in full force and he knows that it is well founded now. The women who owns the place he is in, the Circus Master as she is called, has the ability to keep them from harm, to move the circus in the blink of an eye, why would she not also nullify the powers of those who enter into her domain…

"Stand." Ivonne's voice breaks into Allen's mind, creating a fear that is crawling up his skin and into his mind. He does as she commands, terrified of what she might do now. The woman seems surprised by his sudden ability to obey her, for she is hesitant with her next orders.

"Into the bath." The woman points at a tub on the far side of the room, where the candles are sitting and the incense is burning, where the polished wooden floor turns to extravagant and expensive looking tiles.

The boy once again obeys her command and climbs into the water that is already starting to cool. He realizes now that most of the light in the room is coming from the candles that are surrounding the tub.

Allen stares down into the water, at his own reflection and the blank look in his eyes. He hates it, hates how he feels so powerless in such a place. He looks up, no longer wanting to see himself, and notices that the twins have folded his clothes and set them with his boots. Ivonne is leaning against the wall next to the door, watching everything with a cold expression that would make Kanda's seem kind.

_Kanda_…

The thought is depressing and Allen can't stop the sudden tears, the need to cry. He wants to see him, wants the man to come and save him, but he doubts that it will happen, that anyone will be able to find him. He feels water being poured over his head and takes note that the twins are bathing him.

Their hands are gentle and soothing, like they are trying to calm him down silently. He obeys them without realizing it, allows them to clean him, to wash his hair with something that smells sweet yet flowery…

When they are down he is told to stand by the girl, who wraps him in a large fluffy towel in the same manner she would herself. Allen holds onto it, glad to be covered again as he is led over a stool that is sitting before an oak wood vanity.

"You seem to be listening now, so I am going to see the Circus Master. Obey the twins till I come back." Allen nods his head slightly, not wanting to look at her, to do anything to upset her again. The second they are left alone the atmosphere of the room lightens a little.

"Please don't look like that," the girl says sitting down on the stool next to Allen. "It is not that bad here once you get used to it." The exorcist closes his eyes, fighting back the need to cry, to break down before them.

"I have to put this on your skin before Ivonne comes back with the Circus Master." The golden haired boy is holding a bottle of what looks like massage oil. He is waiting for Allen to respond but when he receives none he starts to tug the towel away from the other's back.

"Cheer up some…" The girl tries again but receives no response like her brother. Allen continues to stare down at his lap, trying to think of something other than where he is, of what is happening to him.

He can feel the hands on his back, rubbing the oil into his skin, the girl taking up the arm on her side and doing the same. The room is silent for a long time, and by the time the two have almost finished rubbing the oil all over his body and into his skin Allen realizes that it makes him sparkle somewhat, shine in an ethereal manner.

He closes his eyes, calming himself so that his voice doesn't shake. He wants to ask the twins a question, he knows that they'll answer him properly, that he won't receive a slap or a shout, or an angry response from either of them.

"How much… does it cost to buy one of us…?"

"For a night?" It's the boy who answers first, rubbing the last bit of oil into Allen's left leg.

"To own." There is a moment of silence as both sets of hands stop for a moment, thinking in what seems to be unison. The twins exchange glances, speaking in a manner between them that does not require words.

"For most… one thousand… for you, three thousand." The girl is the one who responds, her voice washing over Allen like a tide, making him wish she would sing for him or _something_.

"Why do I cost more?" He couldn't have stopped the question even if he had wanted to. Allen looks down at the boy as he stops what he's doing. The boy looks up at him, stares into the exorcist's eyes.

"Because you are one of the most attractive people to ever get stuck here." Allen is drawn into those eyes. The ones that are large like his sisters, bright and clear but a shade of blue that is like the daytime sky.

"Brother, don't," his sister's voice stops him in his tracks as he's suddenly very close to Allen's lips. "You know we cannot do that with each other…" The boy pulls back and stands up. He sets the oil down on the vanity as Allen gathers up his remaining courage.

"What's going to happen when she gets here?" The twins look at each other again, silently exchanging words once more before responding in unison, creating an eerie voice that doesn't seem human.

"You are going to receive your own mark." Their reply sends a shiver down Allen's spine making him wonder all over again just what his _mark_ is going to be. He can feel in his mind that it isn't going to be pleasant, that his body is going to change into something strange and unreal like that of Ivonne's and the twins…

_And he has no idea how strange it is going to be_

Mmmm green tea Mochi Ice Cream…. Oh right, the cost of Allen in this is accurate, it may seem like an ungodly amount but think of it this way. A 1$ to them back then, is the same as 25 today. So someone who is say, about 1000 then is actually more along the lines of 25,000 today. Allen's about the price of an expensive car in today's standards, 75,000.

The next chapter will be: The Meaning of a Curse

~Lafy


	3. The Meaning of a Curse

**Disclaimer: **All of the beautiful characters of -Man belong to Hoshino Katsura, however if you see Kanda up for sale somewhere I would LOVE to know…

**Warning: **Lavi cursing

**Note from Israfel: **So sorry about the long wait, but I've been dealing with home issues as well as incoming Wisdom teeth, which I am having one removed on the 21st of this month (July), which may have already passed by the time I get this up. OMG THIS IS FREAKY TO READ BECAUSE IT'S HOW MANY YEARS LATER AND I STILL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS. I have another wisdom tooth hitting a cavity, as I had happen back then _

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**The Meaning of a Curse**_~

It's happening, she can feel it, the sensations, the uncontrollable urge to just fall apart. It's making her head spin and she doesn't think she can control it, she never can… Her heart is beating faster and the all too familiar sensation is building behind her eyes. It's going to happen again and she's feeling powerless to stop it.

Linalee closes her eyes, pushing the memories to the back of her mind, trying to lock the emotions up. Everyone can see her and she's hating it. Not everyone knows about Allen, about how he just _might_ not come back, how he's gone, listed as an MIA. The thoughts are flooding her mind and she can't take it anymore, she can't hold herself together any longer.

The female stands abruptly, having not even touched her dinner, and makes her way to the exit. Her head is bowed as her eyes are filling with tears once more. Her grip on herself, on her attempt at a calm composure shatters as she reaches a deserted hall.

She is crying more now, like she does almost every day. She's falling apart and no one seems to be able to help. Linalee has her hands on her head, begging, pleading with herself to get it together, that Allen will show up any day now…

But it has been days, almost a week since he's disappeared…

The female inhales briefly, choking on another one of her sobs. She is past caring now, caring whether or not someone sees her. Everyone needs to know, everyone should be sad, not just her…

She can hear footsteps coming down the hall, towards her huddled form by the wall. The female can't stop the nervousness that sets in, the sudden movements that overcome her already weakened body. She hasn't eaten properly since learning about Allen's absence…

Linalee pushes herself up, her heart aching at the thought of being asked what's wrong. She can't form the words in her mind let alone say them out loud. She's feeling nauseous once more - the idea of never seeing Allen again is floating back up to the surface of her mind.

She can't help but run, and she knows she's trying to outrun the ache in her heart. She doesn't stop until someone grabs a hold of her arm, forcing her to turn around.

"Linalee!"

It's Lavi that she finds herself staring at.

"What's wrong?" He looks concerned, more so than the female realizes. Linalee can't help but fall apart all over again, moving forwards and burying her face in the taller male's chest.

"He - he's gone!" She doesn't even realize what she's saying until it's already been said. "Allen's gone!" Lavi is momentarily stunned, shocked at the female's words and actions, unsure which is more serious.

"Gone?" He finds himself asking in a strained voice, his chest tightening despite knowing that he's not _really_ supposed to care.

"He's disappeared!" Lavi pulls the crying female away from him, trying to look into her eyes.

"When?"

"Last week! He went on an assignment and the finder said he never returned!" Linalee is shocked at the expression on Lavi's face, amazed at how he seems so calm when she can't hold herself together longer than a couple of hours.

"Where was he?" Lavi's grip tightens on the female's arms, making her wince a little. His voice is solid, so solid that it seems to be the first real thing that Linalee has encountered since she's learned about Allen.

"The Circus of Night," her tears are slowing down and her anxiety is lowering itself. She's beginning to wonder if he might be able to help…

Lavi's repeating her words, locating some lost information in his mind, something that might have been said to him in the past. The sudden flash of fear that crosses his face causes Linalee's small about of hope to fade.

"I have to see Komui," The redhead's words are said so fast that it takes the female a second to understand, to realize that he really might help.

xxxxxx

He's nervous again, wanting desperately to stand and run from the room, to get away from the eerie silence, from those _penetrating_ eyes. His mind is spinning and everything he's come to know, to trust about his senses are telling him to run, to get away, but he knows he can't.

Allen's feeling helpless again, the sensation is as fleeting as his thoughts of Kanda but persistent enough to let him know that it's there. All he can do is stare down at his lap, at the towel that's the only thing still covering his body. He can feel his heart hammering against his chest, telling him that he's still alive, that they haven't destroyed him yet…

"Hurry up," the voice of the Circus Master is loud and cold sounding to Allen's ears, causing him to close his eyes, to beg himself to no longer hear. She's staring at him even as she speaks to the twins, as they gather supplies and move things about the room.

Ivonne is sitting behind the older woman, her eyes hidden behind her hair as she stares down at her own hands. Allen hates it, the silence in the room, the hurried movements of the twins, their fleeting looks at him. They know what's about to happen, and their worry is making him even more anxious, even more terrified of the woman who is sitting just a few feet across from him.

"Tell me, child," Allen stiffens visibly as he's addressed, he's getting used to being called _child_. "Is there something that will stick out in your mind when I look?"

Allen doesn't understand it, the sudden fear washing over him, the inability to use his voice. The feeling is irritating and _terrifying_.

"Speak up. Now." The woman's voice dares him to defy her orders and the small exorcist knows that he can't, that he shouldn't, that if he does he'll get hurt. His mind's telling him that Ivonne has been kind to him in her punishment.

"I don't know…" He knows he's lying, even as he says it, that Kanda is prominent in his mind now, more so than before. Allen's finding himself mentally begging the older male to come and save him. Even as he thinks it though he knows that it won't happen, that unless ordered to do so Kanda won't go anywhere near him.

"Don't lie to me brat!" The woman snaps as a large concave plate is set before Allen's knees on the floor. He starts to tremble lightly, his fear beginning to show The part of his mind that knows he's still a child is starting to cry out, to say he can't be there, can't let this happen.

"I-I don't know…" His voice is becoming unsteady and before he knows it the woman has leaned over the large plate and fists his hair, yanking his head to the side so forcefully that tears are forming in his eyes…

…whether they're from fear or pain he can't tell.

"You can't lie to me like that There is something in your mind that you can't stop thinking about!" Before he can say anything her free hand is against his head, pressing into his right temple with enough force to cause a headache.

Allen can't stop the sudden thoughts, the ones of Kanda of when they met, of when he first called him _Moyashi_. The memories are coming in torrents and he doesn't want them to be there, to be so much in the forefront of his mind.

The Circus Master makes a sound as she let's go of the boy's hair, leaning back into her previous sitting position. She can see him crying - can see the tears he's trying so hard to suppress. Allen feels like his heart is being torn from him the more he thinks about the Japanese man.

Allen isn't aware of the movements around him anymore, of anything except the woman across from him. She's staring at him, choosing her next words carefully, deciding on what will make him break the fastest.

The silver haired girl kneels on the floor to Allen's left, pours clean salt into the large plate. Her brother is across from her, placing different colored vials of liquids in a neat line, a glass made out of ice sits at his knees.

"What is his name?" The Circus master's words make Allen feel hollow, he doesn't want anyone there to know Kanda's name. He feels like they're going to taint him in some way. The exorcist squeezes his eyes shut, tries to push the new wave of panic back down, to calm himself some - to stop his trembling. He can't figure out why he fears this woman more than any Akuma he has encountered, more than when Tyki threatened his life…

"WHAT IS HIS NAME?" The woman shouts in such a voice that the boy feels like the whole world is trembling before her. He can't help but reply, wishing he wasn't so weak…

"K-Kanda…"

"His full name child!" The woman snaps in a softer voice, making Allen wish he was back with Cross, with someone he knew that would at least keep him safe…

"Yuu…" He swallows thickly, his throat dry, his voice shaking slightly, his very being faltering in what he's come to know as reality. "Yuu Kanda…"

"Write it in the salt." Allen glances at the lavishly decorated plate, at the designs covering the lip and disappearing into the salt. "Do. It. Now." The woman's voice is deadly and he complies with little thought, fearing only more punishment, more pain that's appearing to be more mental than physical…

The exorcist creates the letters slowly, wondering why Kanda is so important, why he has to be brought into this. The second he's done the Circus Master reaches for the salt, grabbing a large handful quickly and tossing it at Allen, covering his body and head with it.

There is an immediate force that knocks him back and onto the floor, that causes a burning sensation to run up his spine and into his head. The feeling is so strong that he can't stop himself from shouting, from letting out a scream of pain. Everywhere the salt touches him he is burning - his skin feels like it's on fire.

Allen tries to wipe the salt from his body, but his hands are pinned to the floor by the twins who are avoiding his gaze, who look like they might cry at any moment themselves. He shouts again as another wave of heat runs across his body, causing him to truly believe that his skin is melting.

His vision is obscured by the Circus Masters hand, her other is on his forehead. He can hear her speaking, but his own shouts, his own cries of agony can't be stopped.

Allen feels like he's being burned alive.

"Open your mouth, Child." The command is given and Allen complies, begging the pain to stop, the feeling of being burned to fade. His heart's beating too fast and he knows he's crying even more now.

He doesn't care who saves him, so long as someone comes, so long as they take him away from this place.

A freezing sensation is brought to his lips and he can feel a liquid being poured into his mouth. The taste is awful and he tries to turn his head, to spit it out, but Ivonne, the one who has poured the drink, has her hand over his mouth now.

Allen feels helpless as he swallows whatever he was given.

The burning of his flesh is numbed, replaced by a feeling that is akin to when he activates his innocence. The hand is moved from his eyes and he's forced to drink another liquid, something that tastes earthy and very plant-like to him…

His stomach feels warm - his mind emptying of all thoughts. Allen can tell he's fading, that the more he's forced to drink, the more he's slipping away from himself.

Ivonne moves from his vision, pouring more liquid into the cup. Allen's mind is telling him that something's happening, that there's something moving up his left arm. The feeling, the sensation is frightening, he knows he's changing, turning into something unreal, something ethereal, it's making his head spin.

Allen's fading, slipping away and he briefly wonders if he's dying, if he'll ever wake up again…

xxxxxx

Lavi slams his hands down on the abnormally clean desk before him. He's too blinded by his own thoughts, his need for information to realize the change in the room, to realize how unnaturally clean it is. Komui's staring back at the young man, his eyes conveying an emotion to him that's momentarily lost on the other.

"Why did you send him there?" Lavi demands through gritted teeth, his hands forming fists on the desk.

"Lavi, please calm down…" Komui's voice sounds hollow, similar to Linalee's but still controlled.

"Answer me!" The redhead is demanding and his chest is starting to feel constricted. He's trying to deny the fact that he cares that much.

"…Lavi, calm yourself." The Asian man's voice is suddenly hard and the younger male is caught slightly off guard. He's never heard the other sound so strict.

"Will you tell me why the hell Allen was sent there?" The question's gritted out in a calmer tone. Lavi can feel the emotions swirling about in the back of his mind and he's ignoring them to the best of his ability. Komui stares at him, with a blank expression that could rival Kanda's.

"I can't let you go." His voice is steady, too steady and it's causing the redhead's chest to tighten uncomfortably.

"And why the fuck not?" There's a sudden silence in the room and the longer it persists the more the emotions Lavi's trying to ignore flare up, coming closer to the surface. He reminds himself that he's not supposed to feel, to _care_ about anyone, that he's going to become the next Bookman.

He is to be apathetic to all.

"Lavi, please sit down…" Komui leans back in his chair, setting the small stack of papers he was working on to the side. The redhead realizes the sudden change in the room, annoyed at himself for having missed it until now.

Everything is so neat and clean, papers filed away properly and there's hardly any work to be done…

"Why?" He asks, his head starting to ache as his mind and - god forbid - his heart are fighting for dominance.

"Please lock the door too…" Komui asks in what sounds like a defeated voice. Lavi watches the Asian man a moment, something in the back of his mind stirring, something that he gave up long ago when he chose to become the next Bookman.

The click of the lock is deafening in the silent room and it makes the redhead's heart pound - he isn't sure why…

"Why won't you let me go?" He asks again, practically falling into the couch. The other has removed his glasses, rubs the bridge of his nose. He looks tense, uneasy…

"I've tried already, to send someone to get him… the higher ups won't allow it."

"WHAT?" Lavi is on edge, leaning forward, fighting down the thought that he isn't supposed to care.

"We're in a tight situation right now, with the increase in Akuma and the sudden appearance of accommodators, we can't spare anyone - at least that's what they say, what they tell me…" Komui lowers his hand and looks over at Lavi, at his posture and body language.

"I've tried, multiple times…"

"Is this why Kanda's been gone for almost six months?" There's a pause that tells the redhead everything he needs to know. "Why did you even send him there?" He asks fully aware that his voice is shaking some, wavering.

"It wasn't my choice…" Komui stares off at a distant object, not really seeing anything before him.

"Your choice? You're the one that assigns us everything we do!" Lavi can't help but snap at the man. Their eyes meet for a moment and it's all that the younger male needs to know that it _really_ wasn't the other's choice. "The higher ups again?"

"I… tried to wait for someone else to finish up their previous mission…" Komui shakes his head. "Allen was the only one without an assignment, I tried to wait but they forced me to send him… Anyone would have been better-"

"He's too young for that place!" Lavi is back to shouting again, "I don't care if he was Cross's student, he is too young for that place!" His voice seems to bounce off the walls, increasing its intensity. There's an uncomfortable silence that follows, causes Lavi to become aware of the tightness in his chest. He closes his eyes, tells himself that the emotions are false but…

"I know. He shouldn't have gone… I wanted to send you, since you're to be the next Bookman. You have control over your emotions." Komui looks at the small stack of papers on his desk. Lavi understands the reason why the Asian man has such a clean room now.

He's trying to busy himself, to do something so that he won't have to think about what's happened, where Allen is… The redhead swallows thickly, his throat suddenly dry, he's painfully aware that what he's feeling is real.

"Is… Is there an exorcist that will be near him at some point in time?" Komui looks up, his eyes meeting Lavi's single green one.

"Kanda should be… in a month… but I'm not certain of it."

xxxxxx

It's happening so suddenly, so fast that he barely understands what's changing. A sudden pain, searing and hot, shoots through his system as he's given the last liquid to drink, something opaque that seems floral but isn't. The liquid barely has time to reach his stomach before he feels the skin over his shoulder blades rip as something tears through it, his left eye burns so much that he thinks it's going to melt.

Allen screams as the sensation of something crawling over his skin spreads rapidly. It's creeping up from the tears in his back, covering his left arm before moving up his neck and crawling towards his eye. He's dying in the pain, in the feeling of his body altering.

"Shut up child!" Someone shouts at him, he isn't sure who, his mind's too lost, too buried within the pain to understand anything. Something hot and searing is being burned into his skin, around his navel and over his pelvic bone.

"I said SHUT UP!" Allen can feel something come in contact with his head but the sensation is lost on him, his body is already in to much pain. Something soft and fleshy is shoved into his mouth and he can't stop himself from biting down, to do _something_ to alleviate the pain searing through him.

The soles of his feet feel like they're being placed in fire now.

The pain slips from his body, shoots down and centers in his feet. Allen bites down even harder on what's in his mouth, he swears it feels like his feet are being ripped straight off.

The sensations, the pain, the _agony_, starts to fade. The boy's mind slips along with it, falling away from him, his lips throbbing with the rest of him. Allen is painfully aware of every vein, every muscle, every tendon inside him.

"Fetch his new garments." He can recognize the voice now, belonging to the Circus Master, demanding the twins to do something more. The object in his mouth moves, Allen is suddenly aware of the taste of blood, of the fact that it was one of the twin's hands.

He wants to move, to pull himself away from Ivonne and the older woman, but he can't… his body isn't reacting, isn't doing anything he's begging it too. All he can do is lie there, so aware of everything inside him but comply lost as to everything else.

"What is he?" Ivonne's voice is asking the Circus Master. The scent of smoke is in the air again, filled with something of honey, almond and vanilla.

"He's a flower…" The older woman's voice sounds amused and it makes Allen want to cry. He feels like a child again, a child that needs their parent…

_Mana…_

He can't stop the pain in his chest, the agony in his mind. He doesn't want to think of that right now. He doesn't want to think about anything anymore. Allen wants to be numb, empty, to pass out and fall into an empty, dreamless sleep.

"What kind?" He's aware of something looming over him, looking at his face. He wants to make his eyes work, to see what's happening around him.

The sensation in his chest scares him, the feeling of being helpless, of these people doing anything they want with him.

"We won't hurt you…" The words are whispered to him, directly into his ear from the male twin as his body is being lifted, pulled into a sitting position. He knows his eyes are open but he can't see anything, he can hardly feel anything anymore. The numbness is welcome in place of the pain he has just gone through.

"Master…?" Ivonne asks attentively, still curious as to what flower Allen embodies.

"It's called Night Phlox…" Something is being wrapped around the boy's torso, something that covers most of his body, stopping just above his ankles. The cloth is soft, and feels so strange against his skin.

He can feel it cover his back, cover whatever sprouted there, the appendages that tore his skin apart… The appendages are pulled through two holes in the back as his arms are lifted. Something is wrapped around his torso, holding the open cloth covering his body shut and in place.

"Give him the last drink, it's time for him to see his first customer…" The Circus Master's voice no longer sounds amused, only professional now. Within a moment Ivonne's opening his mouth as the twins hold him upright.

The liquid that is poured into him feels soothing, calming. Allen feels like he's becoming more alert, more aware of his surroundings. His eyes are starting to see again, no longer just staring forward.

"You can see now right?" The boy looks up, past Ivonne who's kneeling before him and at the older woman. She's sitting in a dignified manner, her legs tucked neatly under her small form.

"…Yes…" Allen's voice is hoarse and he knows it's from how much he's been screaming, crying…

"You may look at yourself, _Flower_." He's momentarily unsure of the name, unsure if it's good or bad… He isn't given much time to dwell on it as the twins help him stand, his legs feeling oddly weak…

Allen glances down, realizes that he's been dressed in a yukata with an obi like what the twins have on. The yukata is not wrapped properly though, not folded over his body completely. When he walks his right leg pokes through the opening where the cloth should overlap itself.

Allen's stopped before the vanity and looks up slowly, terrified of what he might see…

xxxxxx

"Kanda… he'll bring Allen back…" Lavi gives Komui a half-hearted smile. "He'll bitch the whole time but he'll bring him back…"

"That's not what I'm worried about…" The Asian man returns his glasses to his face, avoiding eye contact with the redhead.

"What, then?"

"The condition of Allen's mind when he returns… And I will make sure he returns…" Lavi can feel the pain in his chest, the worry, he knows that he shouldn't have it but it's there and he can't deny it much longer. He's known for a long time that he's cared for everyone at the Order, even if he's been telling himself that the emotions aren't real.

"I don't know if he'll be strong enough to cope with what they're doing to him. He's still very much a child…" Lavi stares at Komui, tries to think of something, anything to say. He wants to tell the Asian man that Allen will be okay, but he's doubtful…

"He's… not going to be the same when he returns…" Lavi hates himself for having to admit it, having to say what he really believes. "Why can't someone just go and find him now? He'd be okay if-"

"They won't let anyone. I've even asked if a finder could go…" Komui looks at the papers on his desk again. He's back to feeling helpless, like when Linalee had found out a week ago…

"Right now Kanda, I think, is our only hope… Allen has Tim with him but I doubt that he'll get turned on…" Lavi watches the man a moment, his head buzzing with all the emotions he's trying to suppress and it's starting to wear on him.

"You have another assignment in three days… Linalee's going to be leaving at the same time as you…"

"She's-" The redhead shakes his head, another emotion is added to the rest.

"I know, but I have to right now. Try to calm her before you leave… I… I can't do anything for her right now." Komui watches Lavi again, hoping that he understands. He's given a small nod in reply before the other stands.

"Just tell me one more thing, does she know what the Circus of Night really is?"

"No…"

xxxxxx

The reflection is disturbing, nauseating to him.

He feels like what he's staring at really isn't him…

But it _is_ him and he knows it…

…That's why it hurts to look at himself.

Allen stares at his face, at the vine's and sprouts creeping up onto his left cheek, just barely starting to cover his scar. He stares at the pale colored flower petals in his hair, at his left eye that now seems to have a light purple iris, at the odd sparkle his skin seems to have, at the vines that disappear into the yukata he's wearing. He can feel them all over his left arm, covering it, covering his anti-Akuma weapon…

He turns himself, to see what it was the tore the skin on his back…

…small wings, tiny ones that look like they are made of large leaves…

Allen wants to inspect his body, to see what else has changed on him, what else he can hate about himself…

The sprouts that appear with the vines are Moyashi and he knows it. The knowledge makes his chest hurt. He looks down at his feet, trying to keep himself from crying again, to hold himself together. The boy can see the odd decoration on his feet, creeping up his legs, fading out just under the edge of the yukata.

There is a lotus mixed in with the design and it breaks his attempt at being strong.

"Look at me, Flower." The Circus Master's voice is commanding and it makes Allen tremble. He fears this small woman more than any one he has ever met, more than any Akuma, any Noah. The twins on either side of him turn him to look at the small older woman.

"You like your appearance?" Allen gives a small nod, he hates how he looks, hates the damn scent in the air, hates everything about this moment but he can't say that. Speaking up means punishment…

…Punishment means that _sound_ again…

"Good, because you're going to look like that every night from now on." The scent of smoke fills the air, adding to the honey, almond and vanilla scent. The smoke is coming from a cigarette the Circus Master has lit. Allen feels the scent calming his system, can't figure out why…

"Do you know what flower you are?"

"N-Night Phlox…" His voice is shaky, unstable and the sound makes his heart rate jump. He's unsure of whether or not he's supposed to know…

"Yes, and do you want to know what else that flower is called?" Allen squeezes his eyes shut, knowing that the woman can't see them, can't see his face. He doesn't want to be there, to be anywhere near these people…

He is though, and he can't escape, can't fight… he can't even use his weapon…

"No…" The Circus Master smirks, seeing the boy before her tremble. He wasn't that scared before, nowhere near as terrified as when she first saw him. She knows something has changed and she wants to know what…

"The scent in the air and the taste of your skin go with the name…"

…_Skin_? Allen is momentarily lost on what was said to him; he doesn't understand but he doesn't want to ask.

"You can smell it, I know you do. The Honey scent, it's coming from you." The idea is peculiar to him. He can't imagine ever smelling so… so _feminine_, even when Cross had him- Allen stops his thought process. He doesn't want to think of the man, doesn't want to imagine what he'd say if he ever found him like this.

"Your skin tastes like it too…"

"I-I don't know…" His voice wavers as he gives a reply, trembling lightly, creating a feeling akin to embarrassment in his chest. He can feel the older woman smirk, her amusement seeping into the room like a poisonous fog.

"Night Phlox is also called Midnight Candy, and that's just what you are. A treat in the middle of the night for paying customers…" Allen can feel his face heat up and his pulse quicken. He hates the idea of being someone's treat, of giving his body over to another individual. The thought is sickening and makes his stomach churn.

Selling his body was one of the few things that Cross never had him do, never let him do…

"Drop his old clothes off in his room before giving him to a customer." Allen's head snaps up, he had heard them say it earlier, tell him that he was going to have to see a customer but he thought he was going to entertain them not…

Ivonne shoves his clothes into his hands once the Circus Master leaves the room. Her face is blank but her eyes are fierce. Her expression is confusing to Allen, his thoughts too muddled, too scattered and frantic to understand the look she gives him once the twins are gone as well.

"Your first customer is always the hardest to please."

_And he has no idea how hard it will be_

Next Chapter: To please a customer

~Lafy


	4. To Please a Customer

**Disclaimer: **The estranged world of -man belongs to Hoshino Katsura, whom I worship for creating Kanda

**Warning: **Non Con, Cursing and Violence…

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**To Please a Customer**_~

The hall feels different than before, darker, more unnatural, it makes Allen feel dizzy with worry. He's terrified, fearful of what pleasing a customer means. He chances a look at Ivonne, who's walking before him, leading him back to his room.

He's been allowed to keep his old clothes, his past items, things that connect him to the Order still. Part of him wants to throw the items away though. He hates being reminded of how damn happy he had been there…

Allen feels like he's falling apart the closer he comes to the room that has his name on it.

"Flower," Ivonne's voice cuts into his thoughts, always amazing Allen at how it sounds…

"Understand that if you do not please the customer you will be punished…" The boy can only swallow the lump that is gathering in his throat, that's making it harder for him to breathe.

They stop before his room and Allen walks inside, half expecting the woman to follow. She doesn't though, waits by the door, out of view, not even watching him.

He grabs Tim out of his bag and stuffs the immobile golem into his sleeve.

Allen turns and heads back into the hall, feeling just a tad bit braver now that Tim is with him. He follows the woman back down an endless stretch of halls and corridors, all dimly lit and other worldly feeling. He himself feels like he's no longer apart of the outside world.

The thought is terrifying to him…

Ivonne stops at a door and opens it. The boy hesitates outside the room, knowing that he's delaying the inevitable…

"Flower, move." The woman's voice gives no room for conversation or disobedience. _My arm doesn't work here…_ The thought floats to the forefront of Allen's mind, scaring him more than he feels he should be…

The room's lavish, like all the others he has been to except for his own. The place is decorated in deep reds and dark wood. There's a queen-sized bed towards the back, covered in deep red silk sheets and a black comforter. The bed is sitting atop a dark wood frame, complete with four posts.

Allen tears his eyes away from the bed and back to Ivonne. She's standing near a counter complete with a small sink and what looks like a single burner next to it. The moment the woman notices that Allen has turned his eyes back onto her she turns around and starts to pull a cup and teapot from the cupboard.

"You have to make tea for your customer. You will _always_ make tea for them." The boy nods his head, feeling a small bout of hope form in his chest. If the rest of his tasks where like this then he could handle being there, he could complete his mission without any more problems…

"Don't pour the tea until the customer is in here but do take it off the burner when it's done." Ivonne steps off to the side after pulling the sugar cubes out. She stares at Allen a moment, thinking if she should say anything else before deciding against it.

The boy turns to pour water into the tea kettle. He's trying not to think too much, feels that if he gives the little bit of hope in his chest much thought then it'll grow into something that can only be broken.

"I am going to find a customer for you." The woman states before moving towards the door. "I'll be gone for a few minutes." Allen doesn't look back at her, doesn't show any signs that he's heard her.

"Sit on the white pillow when you're done. And remember it's your job to _please_ your customers, no matter what." He turns at that, looks for the pillow Ivonne spoke of. Allen sees it, sitting by the dark wood coffee table before a small couch, where he assumes the customer is to sit…

The door opens and shuts.

Allen hears the sound of a lock clicking shut and it weighs heavily on his mind.

He ignores the odd hopeful sensation in his chest and continues to make the tea, setting Timcanpy on the counter. He tries to think of why he brought the golem, why he felt the sudden need to switch him on again.

Allen's trying to ignore how his hands are shaking lightly, how he feels nervous, how the small amount of hope in his chest seems to be diminishing itself. The boy turns his attention back to Tim and turns him on. The golem immediately starts to fly around his head.

He waits a minute, watching the golden creature unaware of the look he is giving him, of the pained expression on his face. Timcanpy seems shocked at his appearance and he can't say he blames him.

"I know I look odd…" Allen says before moving to sit on the pillow. He lets the golem fly about him once more before saying anything else. "I can't have you turned on for long right now, though…" Tim stops his movements before him, almost as if asking why.

"If they see you, they'll know that I'm an exorcist, and that would be bad." Allen looks down at his hands, letting Timcanpy fly about the room, recording everything he sees…

That's when he hears it, footsteps, loud and thunderous coming down the hall, in a half hurried manner. The boy can feel his heart beat quicken, can feel his anxiety rise and he begins to panic. He stands in a flash, grabbing the Golem and trying to turn him off…

…Only, Tim is protesting…

"Stop, _please,_" Allen hates how worry is seeping into his voice, how his panic can be heard clearly. The steps are too close now, too close for him to power the golem down properly. "Listen, don't come out until I am completely alone again!" His voice is shaking and he's aware of the expression on his face, of the sheer panic he's displaying.

Allen hurries across the room, to the right side of the bed where there are several pillows piled atop and around one another. He shoves Timcanpy underneath them before hurrying to take his place on the pillow. He can hear the latch on the door click and before he can do anything else, before he can even attempt to calm himself, the door is opened.

Ivonne steps off to the side as a man walks into the room.

There is only silence in the library and it's misplaced for once.

Lavi's staring down at the file he's been given for his next assignment, eyes unfocused. His mind's still buzzing, thoughts still running rampant around his head. He can't push the emotions, the nagging sensations of worry, away. For once, Lavi hates how human he feels…

Bookman's sitting across the table from his student.

He's well aware of the fact that something has happened, something that has affected not only his student but Komui and Linalee as well. He has an idea of what but has long ago stopped coming to conclusions prematurely.

Lavi closes his eye, his head chaotic with all the feelings he's trying to block out, to force back, to pretend don't exist inside of him. It's late and he knows that he should probably try and sleep, after all, he's promised to spend the next day with Linalee.

The redhead closes his eyes. He feels like he's spinning in the dark, drifting away from himself, but before he becomes completely detached from his body Bookman speaks up.

"You have been staring at that piece of paper for almost an hour. If you haven't memorized it yet then I think you have damaged your head." Lavi looks up at the small man. The look he's given says that the other knows something has happened and that it'd be best if he explained it.

The redhead looks back down at the file in front of him, to actually see what's written on it… They were being sent to St. David's in Wales… Bookman stands from the seat he's been occupying for the past hour.

"If you plan on keeping silent, know that I do not appreciate it, as nothing good ever comes from keeping things inside."

"Saying that from a Bookman's point of view…?" The sentence is cruel in words but the redhead's voice sounds empty, almost stoic if it wasn't for the small amount of pain that's leaked into it.

"No, I'm saying that as your mentor." Lavi looks back down at the paper, the expression on Komui's face from earlier is floating into the forefront of his mind.

He's getting a headache from the memories…

"So, what has happened to the boy?" The redhead's eye snaps open and fixes on Bookman as he picks up the papers he has been reading.

"Jeez, Panda, can't I keep anything to myself?" The sentence is given a small smirk at the end, showing the old man that he is still himself. For a second Lavi thinks that Bookman's going to yell at him for his choice in words but when nothing's said he knows that now is not the time to tease.

The library falls back into silence and Lavi decides that he should give up for the night. He closes the file before him and leans back in the seat. His head's throbbing and he's trying to understand the ache he's feeling in his mind. He knows it's an emotion trying to force itself to the forefront of his thoughts.

"Allen's gone missing…" There's a pause in Bookman's movements, a momentary one before he returns to his papers.

"He'll turn up. He's not the kind to disappear for very long." The younger male shakes his head before standing.

"He's with the Circus of Night…" The room gains a sudden tension in the air, one that makes Lavi nervous all over again. He moves over towards the door, fully intent on heading back to their room.

"That's a problem then…"

"I know…" The younger man pauses in his steps, deciding to add another fact, "Komui isn't allowed to officially send anyone to help him…" He doesn't wait for anything more to be said before leaving the room.

The hall is cool feeling for the time of year but he takes no notice to it. Lavi has once again slipped back into his head. He's thinking of Allen, of what the boy might be going through and the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that he will never be the same when he returns.

Lavi can't help but wonder how damaged Allen might become…

Ivonne looks at Allen, her eyes are harsh and for a moment he's transfixed by them, terrified and amazed by the glare. He realizes though as the man moves to sit on the couch that he has to serve him tea.

"H-how much sugar would you like?" The door's shut and Allen assumes that Ivonne has left the room.

"None…" The man's voice is hard to decipher, hard to comprehend.

He has no idea how he's supposed to act…

Allen pours the tea into a small cup before walking over and placing it on the dark wood table. He takes his seat on the white pillow, his legs folded neatly underneath him. The man takes a sip of the tea he's been given and Allen glances at him. He's unsure if he's to look the customer in the eye…

"You know, you are a rather beautiful flower." The boy glances at the man again, at his lightly tanned skin and dark hair. He avoids making eye contact. The sentence has made him uneasy and he feels violated by it.

"Th-thank you…" Allen tries to remain polite, to be courteous but he can't help how his voice shakes, how his mind is screaming at him that something bad is about to happen.

The man sets the tea cup down on the table and leans forward, "Come, sit at my feet, I want to see you a little better…" Allen feels his stomach churn and he's beginning to feel nauseous again. His heart starts to beat faster than before.

His pulse starts to speed up, his anxiety going along with it.

The boy stands after a moment and does as the man has asked – he's been given no reason as to be wary of him, yet. _Please your customer…_ Allen can smell the man now, can smell the cologne he's wearing and the scent that's undeniably _wrong_ to him. He swallows the lump forming in his throat, praying that his heart isn't beating as loud as he thinks it is.

That's when he feels a hand on his face, on his cheek.

The boy jerks back, his hands starting to tremble. His fear's beginning to physically show itself now. Allen can't help but think of one thing though, and it's that the hand was too soft, too unused and well taken care of…

"Don't be like that, _Flower_…" The last word is stressed and it sends a shiver down Allen's spine, causing him to feel violated again. He gives a sideways glance up at the man and catches his eyes this time, the look in them.

The look alone is enough to scare him, the lecherous stare that's fixed on him…

He suddenly feels disgusted with himself, with the place he's in, with Komui who has sent him there. He's starting to resent the Asian man, to resent even the Order. His thoughts are brought to a halt as he feels that all too soft hand on the back of his neck, forcing his head to tilt back, to make him look at the man.

"I think it's about time that I see what's under that pretty robe of yours…"

Allen pulls back, physically moves himself a few feet from the man. He's feeling violated again and wraps his arms around himself protectively. He knows very well now that he was right to be wary, to worry about his proximity with the other.

For a moment nothing's said and all Allen can do is stare at the other, hoping that his glare has the same intensity that Kanda's always did. The man seems amused at his reaction and even smiles a little before realizing that he's serious and not just playing with him.

His smile quickly falls into a frown.

"You shouldn't look at me like that. I'm not a bad person." Allen can feel his restraint suddenly snap, can feel himself fall back into how he used to be. He can't help but reply.

"You shouldn't look at _me_ like that, it's disgusting!" Within an instant the man is on his feet, towering over Allen a good foot or so. He's glaring at him, clearly hating what's been said. The boy feels like he should say something but his heart is pounding so loud that it's starting to affect his mind.

That's when he feels it…

The sudden hit to his head, hard enough to knock him to the ground in a pathetic heap…

Allen's dazed, his head spinning and he knows that he should move, should do _something_ but his mind's reeling from the blow. He feels his arms being moved, pinned down to his sides. His vision's blurry and he feels like he's going to be sick - the room is spinning.

"You will fucking obey me, you piece of shit." The man's voice is near his ear, growling at him, sending Allen's body into high alert - his mind trying to kick start itself from the all too dizzying hit.

"I paid for you, and you _will_ fucking let me have you!" The boy's head gives a painful throb. His blood's rushing through his system, making it hard for him to hear. He has to do something before anything more happens…

Allen feels a hand slip up his leg, his thigh.

His mind snaps back into order in an instant, telling him that self-preservation has to happen now, that he has to protect himself over the other's life.

He fights the man, shoves him off of his body, using all of his strength to protest the threat that's happening. The man curses, hitting him, but Allen's persistent, shoves and fights more then he feels he has for anything before.

He's given another blow to the head before the man moves away from him, glaring and clearly pissed. The boy feels triumphant for a moment, for a split second before he realizes what's about to happen.

The man's already at the door, already calling out to someone. Allen's head is throbbing, his ears feel deaf and he suddenly can't think. He's close to begging the man to come back into the room. He almost does so except by the time he thinks about it Ivonne is at the door.

"You have a problem?" She asks in that voice that Allen loves and hates.

"He isn't submitting to me!" The man snaps. The boy opens his mouth, about to protest but Ivonne is walking towards him, her eyes are intense and he's suddenly terrified of what's about to happen. She stops just before him and for a moment Allen thinks she's going to say something, only for a moment though because she raises her hand to strike him.

The blow never lands…

Allen opens his eyes and stares at the Circus Master as she holds onto Ivonne's hand.

"Leave the room." The words are demanded at the other woman. The younger female nods, terror flashing upon her face before turning and saying something to the man, something that Allen cannot hear - his ears feel deaf, are still unhearing.

All he can hear is his own heart beating, hammering away at his rib cage. He can't think of anything but the pain he felt when he woke up, of when he was _marked_. His eyes are large and the expression on his face is of nothing but fear.

Allen realizes now that he's made a mistake in trying to protect himself, has momentarily forgotten that he no longer owns his body, that the woman before him does.

…And that his arm no longer works…

The Circus Master raises her hand and brings it down on Allen with so much force that he's knocked over again. He tries to protect himself this time, covers his head with his arms. The blow still lands, still knocks him over and onto his side.

He starts to cry now, tries to think of some way to protect himself. The woman before him is screaming, her shouts falling on deaf ears. Allen can feel the sound starting up, the sound that woke him up before.

He's kicked in the ribs as the ringing starts in his ears, soft at first but quickly growing in intensity. The pain's starting up causes him to grab his head, to pull at his hair. Tears begin to gather in his eyes, more so than before. Allen's shouting, screaming for the pain to stop.

The Circus Master scoffs at him, her voice the only thing he can hear through the mind-numbing noise, "You brought this upon yourself!" She hits him again and Allen screams, pulls at his hair even more now. He feels like his brain's going to explode, like he's losing his mind.

"Please!" He shouts through his tears, his body twisting in agony. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"

Allen's hit again, the woman's voice breaking through the noise, "Will you obey your customer now?"

"Yes!" The boy sobs, wants nothing more than to never hear that sound again.

The Circus Master leans back, stands up straight. She stares down at Allen, watches him pull his body into a fetal position as the shrill noise starts to fade, as the pressure inside of his skull lessens.

He's left crying on the floor for a moment, only for a moment because the woman drags him towards the bed. He can do nothing to protest, nothing to deny the other of what she's doing. His body's physically drained because of the pain.

She pulls his yukata open, exposing him to the room.

Allen stares up at the ceiling, his head beginning to feel numb, his body heavy. The door opens and he can hear people talking briefly. He doesn't understand what's being said - his head is too numb, his mind too scrambled to concentrate on anything.

He can't help but continue to cry silently, to let his pain show. He doesn't want to be there, to have been given this mission. Allen knows that he'll never complete it, that he's stuck there. He gives another choked sob and sees something in the corner of his eye.

He had forgotten all about Timcanpy…

The door shuts and Allen can hear the man walk towards him, taking heavy steps to make his presence even more apparent. The man stops at the foot of the bed and smirks at him, at how he's got his way, after all he _is_ the customer…

"You know, you have a lovely design on your pelvic bone and naval…" The boy has no clue what the man's talking about. He isn't given time to think though as he feels a finger run across his hip, in an attempt at teasing him. He can only feel disgusted with himself.

Allen says nothing. He turns his head away from the other and catches sight of where Timcanpy's hiding. A sound fills the room, and he knows what it is.

His heart rate jumps again…

The man's undoing his pants.

The bed shifts a moment later as the other climbs onto it. He drags his hands along Allen's torso, down to his hips and past his thighs, spreads his knees. The boy squeezes his eyes shut and looks away from where Tim's hiding, he can feel a fresh set of tears filling his eyes, blurring his vision again.

The man's saying something to him, but he tries to block it out, tries to ignore everything. His tears are free flowing now, spilling from his eyes as he feels something wet enter him.

Allen lays still, limp on the bed, tries to think of something, anything other than the finger that's inside him. The man says something about him being somewhat stretched.

He closes his eyes and imagines the Order, tries to remember what he used to be like, what it felt like to be so naive of the world. His hair's fisted and his head's suddenly tilted back.

"Look at me, Flower." The man hisses angrily, his eyes showing nothing but contempt for the boy. Allen nods and his hair's let go. He continues to stare at the man, not really looking at him, not really seeing anything at all. The fingers that have been inside of him are removed and replaced quickly with something much larger.

Allen can't help but compare the feeling to the illusion of Kanda, he can't deny how he _had_ wanted it that time, no matter what he said in the beginning. The man above him makes a sound, says something more, but he blocks him out, ignores the pulse inside of him as much as possible.

He feels violated, and sickened with himself. He hates how he's unable to fight back, how he feels so utterly helpless. Allen wants to say no, wants to harm the man more than anything he has ever encountered in his life.

But he knows he can't…

That his arm doesn't work there…

The man starts to move, starts to pull out and push back in. Allen gasps at the sudden sensation, in pain, but the man takes it another way, smirks and speeds his pace up. The boy feels like he's being ripped in half. He wants to vomit, wants to hurt the other. He wants to do so many things but he knows he can't, that he can't do anything if he wants to live.

The sensation continues and Allen's trying to count all of the finders in the Order, tries to keep his mind busy, to detach himself from the moment. The man's breathing is growing labored, and despite how nauseating the sound is the boy's glad to hear it, to know that what's happening will be over soon…

There's a grunt that fills the room and something warm and sticky spills inside of him, increasing the nauseating sensation in his stomach. The man sits there for a moment, basking in his release before pulling out. The boy's thankful for no longer being in contact with the other.

The sound of rustling clothes fills the air.

Allen closes his eyes, counts the seconds that it takes for the other to leave the room, the seconds it takes for him to completely break down and cry.

The door opens and shuts.

A silence fills the void only broken by his sobs. He has pulled his body back into a fetal position, facing towards the left side of the room. Allen's wishing that someone would come for him, would come save him before he completely loses himself.

There's a light sound from the other side of the room alerting the boy. He realizes that Timcanpy's still there, has witnessed what he's just gone through. The golem peaks out from beneath the pillows, almost timid-like. Allen covers his body with the open robe and hurries towards Tim. He tries to ignore the pain in his chest, the overwhelming need to cry again.

"I'm so sorry Tim…" His voice is shaking, trembling as much as his hands as he picks the golden creature up. "I'm so sorry!" He fumbles a moment, trying to power the golem off.

Allen's successful after a second and before anything more happens he stuffs the creature into his sleeve. He's left in silence once more, an overpowering silence that makes him wish he was with someone else, makes him wish he _was_ someone else.

The door to the room opens up and Ivonne steps inside. She stares at the boy a moment before speaking in a voice that almost sounds like she cares about his wellbeing.

"That was only your first customer. You will have to learn to keep in line and do whatever they wish from now on." Allen nods his head, reaches up and wipes some of his tears away, wishes he didn't feel so pathetic.

"Up, it's time for you to bathe," The woman's voice has taken on its harsh tone again, causes him to wish someone would come for him already.

_And he has no idea when it will happen_

Up next: Away from here

~Lafy


	5. Away from Here

**Disclaimer: **DGM belongs to someone other than me

**Warning: **Insanity and violence

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Away from Here**_~

Allen's sitting on the white pillow once more. He's made tea again, has been awoken by that horrendous sound and has brought the immobile golem with him again.

It has been days, weeks even, since he was _marked_…

…And since he had his first customer…

The boy closes his eyes and counts in his head, tries to calm himself. He's hoping for a kind person this time, maybe even a woman, though they seem to be rare. The women are always kinder, nicer to him…

But they cry afterwards, the tears that Allen wishes he could still shed.

He's been with so many people now he's lost count, has kept Timcanpy turned off, not wanting to explain to the golem what happened, what he's _really_ going through.

The door to the room opens up, and Ivonne shows another man in. He looks around and smiles lightly, though the smile goes unnoticed by Allen, who's learned that it's best to keep his head down till the customer has decided how the night shall go. He listens to the door shut and for the other to take a seat before asking if he would like tea.

"Of course, with sugar too, not much, just enough to barely sweeten it." Allen nods and stands. He returns with a cup of tea and takes his place on the pillow again. The boy closes his eyes briefly and tries not to think of his past customers…

Of the man that didn't want sex, who beat him till he blacked out…

Of the woman who cried so much after she used him…

Of the man that made him call him daddy…

Of the man that told him to say brother…

Of the man that called him some other name…

Of the woman that slapped him and had him call her mother…

Of the boy who asked him about his life, who ended up pulling some of his hair out…

Of the girl who cried during sex, who kept calling him brother…

Of the man that said he was going to rape him…

Of the man who stabbed him in the shoulder…

Of the woman who told him too much about her life…

Of the man that had him call him master…

Of the man that bound and blindfolded him…

Of the woman that had him pretend to be her servant…

Of the man that cut him so many times…

Allen opens his eyes, trying to regain his composure, he realizes that the room has been silent for far too long. He takes a shy glance up towards the other, to see if he's the violent type or not, to see if he's allowed to speak or if he's to be submissive…

The man gives him a small smile and the boy is given the incentive to move, to speak, to act freely…

"The tea is nice… thank you…" Something in the man's voice makes Allen's heart swell and he wonders if it has to do with the type of people who have been coming to see him.

"You're welcome…" His voice shakes slightly and he wonders what the night is going to be like, if the man is going to talk to him for most of the time or- He shakes the thought from his head and waits for something to be said.

"You know, since I've seen you I've been trying to figure out just what you embody. I know that woman who brought me here embodies Ivy and I saw a girl who embodied a type of bird…" Allen swallows thickly, tries to think of just what to say. He's never been asked about his appearance before.

"It's a flower, called Night Phlox." The man makes a sound, one that makes Allen's heart rate skyrocket and reminds him of someone, someone who he wishes would come and save him.

"Hnn…" He can't help but flush, can't help but hope that this man is kind, that he's caring and will treat him like a person, not some object… "Night Phlox you say? I've never actually seen them, must be interesting…" Allen gives a small nod, tries to quell the odd bubble in his chest. He knows that it'll only end up squashed, that his hope will have been for nothing. All of the people who have come to see him, who have been kind to him have ended up twisted, have ended up doing something that scared him more than anything he's ever faced.

xxxxxx

There's nothing but silence on the train.

Lavi's for once secluded in his thoughts and isn't trying to strike up a conversation or even flirt with anyone.

He shifts in his seat, his single tired-looking eye falling shut for a moment. His head has been aching for days now and he knows that he's not acting like himself, that he hasn't since he's spoken with Linalee, since he learned about Allen, about how bad it will get for him. He wants to switch trains and head for the city that the Circus of Night is supposed to stop at soon. He wants to save his friend.

A painful throb goes through his head and he can't help but frown even more. He knows he can't deny it any longer, that he's become attached to Allen, to everyone at the Order… Lavi's afraid that Bookman's going to find out soon.

The older man shifts in his own seat, sets the newspaper down and picks up another. He scans the articles before looking up at his student, frowns before tossing a book at the redhead. "Study right now, it'll occupy your mind." Lavi picks the book up and stares at the cover, at the printed words embellished on it.

"How long till Kanda can get Allen? It's been way past a month…"

"The Circus is hard to predict. I remember Komui trying to track it when we first arrived at the Order."

"Right…" Lavi exhales and looks down at the book again before opening it, the image of Komui floats back up to the forefront of his mind. He feels a pressure in the back of his head, one that has been appearing more and more as he thinks about what's been happening, about how the older man looked when Lavi demanded to be sent to get Allen.

A silence settles back over the train and for a while Lavi's able to lose himself in the book he's reading.

xxxxxx

Allen's sitting on the couch next to the man, talking…

_Talking_…

He's smiling lightly and almost enjoying the conversation, almost because he knows that something will happen before the night is over. For the moment though, he has forgotten, has forgotten where he is and what has happened to him.

The man, Eaun as Allen has learned is his name, is talking about a time when he was young, when he used to go to the Circus. He's talking about how he used to want to be a clown, and travel around the world. Allen can't help but feel comfortable sitting there, next to the man.

He can't help but engage himself in the conversation, can't help but forget that he's to _please_ this man at the end of the night, can't help but forget that he does not own his body anymore. Allen gives a small laugh and says something about Mana, about when he used to travel with a Circus.

The man asks Allen if he has ever been to the Americas.

"No, I haven't… I've been all across Europe, though, and parts of Asia."

"Hnn…" Eaun makes that sound again, causes the boy to flush lightly, to picture a dark-haired man. He looks away, tries to hide the pink tinge on his cheeks. He doesn't want to be asked about it, he doesn't want to have to explain what that sound does to his mind.

"I would like to show you them someday. I own a hotel chain in northern America, with a nice large home in the mountains." Allen gives the man a small smile, the idea of being bought appealing to him.

"That would be nice…" He says noticing that Eaun's tea cup is empty. "Would you like some more tea?" The boy gives another smile, one that is only a shadow of his past ones, it's a real one though, something that isn't forced for once. The man doesn't respond, instead he reaches out and lightly touches Allen's cheek, rubs his thumb across the boys scar briefly.

"If I do buy you, you can only belong to me though, no one else…" The small exorcist blinks a bit surprised at what has been said. The man is propositioning him, telling him that if he does purchase him he can never care for someone else.

Allen gives a pleasant smile, one that is forced to be bigger than he wants it to be. "Of course…" His mind has gone into survival mode, has taken in the knowledge and the fact that if he can get out of this place he can take back his life, even if it is only a small portion of it.

Eaun leans over to the boy, his hand still on his cheek, keeping him from turning away. "You don't care for anyone right now, do you?" Allen gives a small shake of his head, the proximity of the man scaring and exciting him all the same. The room falls into an odd silence, one in which the boy feels like his heart can be heard breaking. He doesn't want to let go of how much he realizes he cares about Kanda, but he needs to be free, to live outside of the Circus of Night…

"You know…" Eaun's breath is hot against Allen's face and it only makes his heart rate increase. "You really are beautiful…" The words stun him, breaking his mind and paralyzing his body. He feels all too willing to accept the man, to allow him to take him some where far away

…except…

Except he's starting to cry now and he wishes he wouldn't…

"You really are beautiful," Eaun repeats himself, pressing his lips to Allen's…

And he can feel his hands slip onto his neck, squeezing tightly, the boy's mind falls apart as his breath is taken from him.

xxxxxx

There is a soft tap on the door, abruptly startling Komui from his work. He looks up, around the office that is forever clean, wondering if he's heard right. When the soft knock comes again he clears his throat and calls for the person to enter the room.

Linalee walks in, carrying a cup of coffee on a square tray along with a small sandwich. She gives her brother a tiny smile, a false one that seems normal now. Komui hasn't seen his sister give a real smile since she learned about Allen.

"I thought you might like something to eat. I brought you some coffee too…" The Asian man nods and thanks his sister as she walks farther into the all to clean office.

"You should be sleeping…" Komui points out, aware that it's almost four AM.

"You should be too, brother…" Linalee sets the tray down on the desk and removes the cup and plate. "And I'm not tired, I'll be fine…" The Asian man gives a small frown but decides that it's best not to point out his sister's increasingly bad sleeping habits. He's worried about her, everyone is. It's hard not to notice now, to ignore how she never actually smiles, how she always has a blank look on her face, how she can be found just staring off into space in some of the strangest places…

"Is it because of the new place?" The female's voice startles the other back into reality.

"No, not at all, I just need to finish up my work…" Linalee's referring to the new building that the Order has moved into, the one that seems forever shadowed in heavy thoughts. Most people have realized by now that Allen has disappeared - they think that he's taken after his master and just ran away.

"Is there a mission coming up?" Komui stares at his sister a second before realizing what she has said, what she was really asking.

"I'll look and see if there is something for you to do. Kanda has been doing most of the field work that requires Akuma extermination and Lavi has been hunting down Innocence with Bookman… I think Miranda and Krory might need some help, one of them probably needs a break."

"Kanda needs one, too…" Linalee adds in her empty sounding voice.

Komui leans back in his seat, rubs his eyes without removing his glasses. "He refuses them though, picking up the missions that Al-" The Asian man halts himself in his sentence, knowing that mentioning the missing boy would be bad, his sister already seems like she's hanging on by a thread.

"I'll see what I can do…" He says, dropping his hand to his side. Linalee gives a small nod of the head before turning towards the door. It isn't until she's almost gone that she decides to say something else.

"How… are the generals doing?" Komui knows this question well, it's one that is actually asking, can you send one of them to get him? The dark haired man opens his eyes and stares at his sister before giving a weak smile.

"They don't report to me, remember…" Linalee looks down at the floor before nodding her head lightly. She leaves the room after that, the sound of her steps fading slowly as she gets farther and farther away from him.

"Dear Lord…" Komui removes his glasses, his head aching more than before. He feels like he's starting to fall apart like everyone else, like he's slowly being eaten away inside by the pain of the knowledge that he can't save Allen. "If you really do exist… please let him be safe… even if he doesn't come back to us, let him at least live through this…"

xxxxxx

He's shouting, _screaming_…

His throat burns from extended use…

He's been screaming for a long time, his mind unable to comprehend anything other than the agony he's in, the pain that's coursing through his body. His face is wet and he knows he's crying, sobbing as his body acts on its own.

Allen can't stop himself, can't register anything in his mind anymore.

All he wants to do is _survive_, to live through the night…

Those hands that had been on his neck were the last thing he could take, the last thing his mind comprehended before finally snapping. He doesn't know what has happened, why the room is in such disarray, why his hands feel cold and sticky, why his throat _burns_ so much.

Allen screams again, his chest aching, begging for the agony his body is in to stop.

His clothes are tattered and he feels like _something_ has been removed from his back, something that is adding to the pain he's feeling. He sobs again, his arms moving on their own. He wishes they would stop, wishes that he would stop screaming, wishes to collapse, to faint, to just fall into darkness.

His body doesn't listen to him, his mind shouting things at him, screaming horrendous thoughts.

Allen feels lost amongst all the pain and anger, all the hatred.

He wants to survive though…

To survive through the night, just _one_ more night…

He's begging, pleading with the figure before him, asking him why, why he had to do that, why he had to make him care, make him hope…

If only he hadn't hoped…

Hadn't wished for something…

Allen screams again, hitting, kicking, biting anything he can, attacking. His mind screams feral things at him, tells his body to act, making him do _this_… all because he just wanted to survive…

Something is being said to him, something that isn't in his own voice, that isn't from inside. His ears can still hear and he thanks God that he still exists inside his own head. The man is saying something but it won't get through to him - it doesn't make a big enough impact to make him stop, to cease what he's doing.

Allen lets out another scream as he feels a sharp pain course through his body, his abdomen. The pain doesn't cause him to stop, doesn't satisfy him, the part of his mind that's no longer attached to his coherent self.

Nothing stops…

Not the pain, the hatred, the anger, the uncontrollable sadness that's causing him to cry even as he's doing this…

…As he's killing this man…

Allen can't stop the attack, can't regain control of his sanity until the man's lying on the floor crumpled in a heap.

Blood is all over the room, covering him, staining him, his hair, what was still pure inside of him.

He lets another sob fall from his lips as he feels his own blood leaking from his back, from his abdomen. His head is spinning. The boy feels dizzy and backs away from the man, from the upturned furniture, from the broken mirrors, the torn and destroyed objects. His legs give out underneath him and he turns his eyes away from the lifeless body, he doesn't want to see any more blood.

But it's everywhere…

Allen can feel his heart racing in his chest, telling him that he will be punished for this, that he has taken someone's life… His body trembles as he wraps his arms around himself, around his torso as another wave of nausea passes through him.

"I didn't want to die!" He shouts into the room, crying still, his tears mixing with the blood that's drying on his face. That's when he can't take it anymore, when he can't hold in his nausea any longer.

Allen leans forward, his hands holding his shaking frame up as his stomach tries to empty its nonexistent contents onto the floor. His muscles contract painfully, pushing out the acids that are making his throat burn even more.

He didn't want this to happen, didn't want to kill that man, to harm him…

But he tried to kill him…

The boy trembles, his arms giving out underneath him, his body dropping to the floor beside the mess he's made. He knows Ivonne and the Circus Master will show up soon, will do something to him… He moves his arms, wraps them around his aching body when Timcanpy slips out of his sleeve, dropping onto the floor and rolling a second before coming to a stop.

Allen pushes himself up and turns the golem on, his mind no longer caring about the consequences of his actions, all he wants to do is to live - to exist one more day, maybe even another night… The second the golden creature turns on he grabs a hold of its wings and begs, pleads with it.

"Find someone to help me!" Allen's crying - an endless amount of tears spilling forth from his eyes, "I can't be here anymore! I'm going to die! I'm losing my mind-" That's when the door to the room opens, when Ivonne looks in and stares at Allen.

The woman is shoved to the side as the Circus Master storms into the room, heading straight for Allen. She's saying things, uttering words under her breath, words that the boy knows are meant for him. He doesn't care though, all he wants is to escape, to be free. He's desperate now and could care less if he's discovered to be an exorcist.

"Find someone!" Allen throws Timcanpy past the two females and at the door, watching the small golden creature as he slips past them and out of the room. The sight of the golem causes the Circus Master to stop, to freeze suddenly. She turns around and stares at the door.

"Ivonne! Try and catch it!" The female nods and runs from the room. Allen's staring at the door, praying that Tim can get away.

His hair is suddenly fisted and his body goes rigid.

"YOU DAMNED EXORCIST!" The Circus Master growls at him, dragging him from the room by his hair. "I can't believe you came here!" Allen can feel his head starting to ache, can feel the _sound_ starting up. He knows that it's impossible to stop it, to stop the pain that's happening in his head.

He can't even scream, let alone move. His body is frozen stiff, unyielding as the woman drags him down the hall, shouting for someone named Tsuki. His eyes are watering, a pressure is building in his skull as the sound increases, deafening his ears. He wants to move, to grab hold of his head, but he can't, all he can do is _feel_ as he's dragged after the woman.

The Circus Master slams open a door, tosses Allen into the room as if he were nothing more than a rag doll. The boy lands harshly on the floor, his body suddenly able to react. He lets out a scream, burning his throat even more, as his hands shoot up to his head, to try and cover his ears.

The sound continues though, and Allen feels like his brain is going to explode. The longer the feeling lasts the more he wishes it would happen, just to make that pain stop. His body's suddenly kicked and his arms are strapped down. Allen feels like he should know what's happening - should see what's being done to him. The sound is so deafening, so blinding and painful that he can no longer see, even with his eyes open.

"SHUT UP!" The Circus Masters voice echoes through the room and Allen's screams are abruptly stopped, his body falling limp as the sound ceases and the pain dulls.

The boy can't help but stare up at the ceiling, his eyes still unable to focus on anything. He feels numb, empty as someone moves about the room, as things are said and done. He wants to live through the night but he doesn't know how much more he can take. Allen feels like his sanity is slipping, that he'll no longer be there soon.

A cool, damp cloth is laid over his eyes and something is said, muttered near his ear, something that he wishes he could comprehend. He feels his robe being tugged from his body, ripped away from him, exposing him to the room. Allen doesn't care though, not anymore, he doesn't care about anything other than his own life now, and even that feels grim.

Water is splashed onto him, rinsing the dried blood from his body. It burns though, burns as it fills the gash on his abdomen, the spot on his back where he knows something has been removed. He can feel himself being cleaned, can feel a cloth being rubbed against him, wherever there's blood. When the movement subsides the cloth over his eyes is pulled back.

Allen's pulled up, his arms removed from the shackles they've placed on him. He comes face to face with the boy who has eyes that remind him of the daytime sky. He stares at the blond boy, waits for something more to happen but when nothing does he looks away.

"What you did was very bad…" The boy speaks softly and Allen realizes that the Circus Master is no longer in the room.

"I know…" His throat aches and his voice cracks as he speaks.

"You're going to be punished…" Allen's head feels heavy and he wonders, as the room shifts, if he's going to faint, if he would be allowed to. "She's… she's going to make you eat the flower and drink its nectar…"

"Flower…?" His voice cracks again and almost gives out, he's overused it and he knows it, he doesn't care though, not when he's going to be _punished_ again…

"She's going to make you forget who you are and eat the Lotus…" It's then that the room shifts and Allen falls back, his mind wondering just what he could forget and how that could be a punishment…

_And he has no idea how much he can forget_

Next chapter is called The Lotus Eater

~Lafy


	6. The Lotus Eater

**Disclaimer: **DGM does not belong to me.

**Warning:** mild violence

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**The Lotus Eater**_~

Survival is for the strongest, the ones who are not weak, who can continue on no matter what they face.

Survival means sacrifices…

Survival is to move on, to give up some of the most important things one owns, it can mean losing everything even…

Even one's mind…

xxxxxx

He's standing on the street corner, asking those who pass by for money, for a coin, for something, _anything!_ He hasn't eaten in days… It's nothing new though, because he has gone without food for almost a week, once. He knows that if he gets desperate enough he can try and steal something…

Another woman passes by, shielding her own children from the sight of him. To her, he's nothing more than trash, something that deserves to wither and die. He turns to another passerby, asks them for some spare money for food.

He's ignored again and the pain in his stomach reminds him that he can't continue on like this forever. Another person comes and goes, hurrying off at a faster pace as a blast of cold air hits them…

He calls after them, pleading with them…

xxxxxx

The seasons change and he finds himself still existing, still living…

But his mind is starting to turn sour. He's starting to despise everyone.

They all say something about his arm, his _hand_.

He pretends he doesn't care, pretends that how his arm looks doesn't bother him. It does though, because when he's alone, away from everyone, from the people on the streets just like him, he cries, and wonders if his parents will take him back if he just removes his arm…

xxxxxx

More time has passed.

So much time that he no longer knows how old he is, no longer remembers what his parents looked like. All he knows is how to take of himself, how to pretend to be civil and caring.

He has lost the part of him that cared about others.

Others no longer matter to him. What matters is food and shelter, the day-in and day-out things that make up his life, that enable him to have a place to sleep without worry, that enable him to eat enough to sustain his weight.

He has lost most of his humanity, but that doesn't bother him, that doesn't matter because he hasn't become so low as to sell himself…

He never wants to become the child that stands on the corner and asks the man if he could use him in_ any way_ he wants…

xxxxxx

He's grown, has become old enough to be _hired_ somewhere.

A Circus, a place that he internally despises but pretends to like otherwise.

He brings people their meals, does simple but often tedious jobs. He's working, trying to remember why it is that he still cares about existing. He knows that he needs to eat, needs a place to sleep at night, but he still doesn't understand why he _cares_…

He's stopped caring about what others think of his arm, though it still hurts when comments are made – it'll always hurt. He's given up on trying to hide his hand constantly. He's ashamed of it but at the same time he's starting to derive a sick sense of satisfaction out of the looks he receives…

It's here that the dog comes up to him…

…and licks that hand, like it's normal, like there's nothing strange about it.

It's also here that he meets Mana… the man that gives him his humanity back.

xxxxxx

He's older once more and no longer surprised by his existence.

He's found someone to care about, someone to care about him.

He has found a _home_, albeit a moving one, but a home it is… A place that he likes, a place that means he doesn't have to worry about what will happen during the night. He's thankful for that man, thankful for being cared about…

Almost thankful for his arm…

He likes himself even, happy with his life, with the simple tricks he's been taught. He's even beginning to like the smiles that his performances bring.

He's told that he is loved, and cannot be happier, cannot want anything more in life…

Though he feels like it might not last…

xxxxxx

Death…

He hates…

Hates how he was given humanity, hates how he'd started to care. He wishes that he never stayed with that man, wishes that he'd continued to live on the streets.

He knows that he would have still gone with Mana, even if he knew what would happen.

What it would feel like to _grieve_…

And then that man shows up, the one that tells him he can bring Mana back.

And as a child he tries, as a child he hopes, wishes for his only loved one to come back, wishes for his life to become happy again.

And then he learns of even more pain…

xxxxxx

A man has come, a man that wears black, that smokes cigarettes, that spends the night drinking, that comes home every night with a new woman. The man has asked him if he wants to survive, if he wants to learn how to use his arm.

He's taught a new meaning to the word _Innocence_…

And he tries to regain his humanity, tries to become happy again, because he hates how he was when he no longer cared, when he only looked out for himself.

He cannot tell this man though, cannot tell him how he's hoping, praying to be loved again.

He hates that hope though, because he's promised himself that he will _never_ care about anyone again, not as much as he cared, still cares, about Mana.

xxxxxx

He's older…

Old enough to have developed a civil personality, to have developed who he _really_ is… until the next death he has to face.

He has been sent to the Dark Order, a place that he's been aspiring to get to, been training for, a place that will be where he tries to redeem himself.

Redemption…

The one thing he has been aiming for, will be aiming for, for the rest of his life. He wants to save those who have become lost, and he wants to show Mana how sorry he is…

How much his childish mistake pains him.

xxxxxx

He's outside of the place he's strived to get to.

And they think he's an Akuma…

The thought pains him as he's to verbally admit that he is _cursed_, that there is something different about him. It is his curse, though, that sends the place into a panic…

A panic that leads to him being attacked…

Attacked by _that_ man…

The one that makes his chest hurt now, that makes his head spin…

That he wishes would come and save him…

That he does not want to forget…ever…

Even though he believes his affection, the love he has sworn to himself he will never feel again, will never be returned. He's crying again and he isn't even fully awake…

xxxxxx

Allen can feel his body being moved. He can feel his arms being lifted, can feel something being wrapped around them, binding him tightly. His head is aching and his body is sore.

His throat still burns and his face is wet.

He knows he's crying again… _still_.

The boy feels something being wrapped around him, can smell the scent of… of…

A lotus…

And it makes his eyes snap open, makes him shout in pain as he is suddenly blinded by the light.

He feels dizzy, disoriented, and sick, sick with the knowledge that he's going to lose himself and not even know it. Allen looks about the room, about the blurry objects and tries to find something familiar.

He sees the twins again, the sun and the moon. They're wrapping a light colored cloth around his body, wrapping something like his old yukata on him, like the one that was covered in blood. The boy feels nausea run through him and tries to move, to roll over onto his stomach.

The female twin grabs hold of him and lifts him, pulls him up slightly. She's speaking to him, softly, in that voice he wishes he could hear for the rest of his life… Her words are falling on deaf ears though, he can't seem to hear at the moment and he only stares at the girl.

The boy says something, drawing Allen's attention. He wants to know what they are saying, wants to understand what they are doing, why they are dressing him in another yukata. Isn't he supposed to forget everything…?

Allen is suddenly hit with a wave of sensations, with proper vision, proper hearing, proper scent and he feels dizzy again.

_That's right, I fainted…_

He coughs, gags on the air filling his lungs when he realizes that the scent of the Lotus is strong and the room he's in is filled with them.

So many flowers…

"Feeling a little better?" The female twin asks, her voice sending wave after wave through Allen's body, calming his nerves like morphine. The exorcist gives a small nod of his head, takes a look at what has been wrapped around his arms…

It looks like the type of wrap that Kanda covers his chest with…

Kanda…

Allen shakes his head, tries not to think about the other, to think about what he's going to lose. The blond boy lifts his arms as his sister starts to wrap the yukata around him. It's now that Allen realizes that it has no top, or sleeves that is.

"What are you doing…?" His voice cracks as the sash is wrapped around him, tightly, holding the top of the robe up.

"Dressing you, the Circus Master wants you in something that will show your shoulders…" The boy is the one to respond, the girl tying a string around the sash - it looks more like an obi to Allen now.

Within moments they are done and Allen is left in a sleeveless white kimono, or yukata - he could never tell the difference between them. The twins stand and offer him a hand, pulling him to his feet.

It's now that he realizes the room they are in has a pond, one that's filled with the lotuses, filled with a strange blue fluid, one that seems to glow when the twins touch it. He's led over to the pond, down the steps and into the blue liquid.

xxxxxx

Lavi's sitting in the library again…

And again it's getting late…

He's beginning to wonder where Kanda is, why he hasn't been back at the Order in… months. _Yeah, it's been months…_ He keeps forgetting, losing track of time, of how long Allen has been gone, how long ago he was supposed to be saved.

The redhead rubs his eyes, his head aching again. He's beginning to hate the silence, hate being left alone, hate being given time to think. He stands up, ignoring the look Bookman's giving him and leaves the library. Lavi feels disgusted with himself, with how he's acting, with not being able to help.

He isn't sure of what to do, of where to go…

And he finds himself in front of Komui's office…

Linalee's gone for the time being, away on an assignment, one that he wishes he could be on. He doesn't want to be there. His head's aching still and it's starting to worry him, to make him wonder if there's something wrong with him. Lavi pushes the door open and steps into Komui's office. The Asian man doesn't look up from his desk, from the paperwork he's doing, completing.

"My head hurts…" Lavi feels flustered, hates how he sounds like a child. He doesn't want to seem like a kid, not right now, not in front of this man.

"The medical department has aspirin, not me…" Komui looks up, gives the redhead a weak smile. Lavi ignores the comment and steps into the office, shuts the door behind him.

"Aspirin doesn't help…" The Asian man stares at him a moment before setting his pen down.

"You think it's more than a headache?" For a moment neither says a word, and Lavi is back to feeling helpless, only with words this time. He knows he needs to explain to someone why his head's always hurting, but he doesn't know who. He's half-afraid that if he confides in someone then they'll tell Bookman…

"I won't tell…" The sentence is soft, uttered lightly in case someone might be listening.

Lavi moves over to sit on the couch, falls into the seat in an undignified manner. He looks at Komui, that feeling in the back of his mind stirring up again, the one that he knows is an emotion he's pretending not to have. He looks away, up at the ceiling, at the high walls, at the bookcases, at anything and everything so that he doesn't have to look at the other.

When the room has been silent for what feels like forever the young man gives in and closes his eyes.

"I… care about him… about Allen…"

"I know that," Komui offers up a small smile that the other doesn't take notice of.

"I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to actually care about anyone. I'm to fake emotions…" The redhead opens his eyes and looks at the Asian man, and feels something strange happen inside of him. "I can't be a Bookman if I _care…_"

Komui leans forward in his desk, his eyes glinting lightly, like whenever he has created some invention, whenever he's realized something. "Pretend not to care…"

The phone next to him rings, startling both males. Lavi feels something constrict in his chest as the other answers.

"Oh, hello, I haven't heard from you in a long time…"

xxxxxx

Allen's staring at the flowers, at the liquid he's standing in. The twins are next to him, glowing, ethereal, like the sun and the moon they embody. He isn't sure what to do, but that isn't what's making him nervous…

It's that he has been told he has to choose the flower he's to eat…

And every flower affects one's mind differently.

"Choose already." The Circus Master's voice is sharp, demanding and it makes Allen cringe, physically. He's past the point of caring about his actions, past the point of caring about anyone other than himself, he just wants to survive…

He closes his eyes before reaching over and plucking a Lotus out of the liquid.

Allen can hear his breath, can feel his heart hammering against his rib cage, and all he can do is think about what he's about to lose. The female twin takes hold of his arm as the boy takes the flower. He is lead out of the pond and towards the Circus Master.

He can feel his fear lapping at his heart, crushing his mind even more. He wants to cry, to curl up and hide in the corner of the room, to run away. He can't though, and the hand that fists his hair, that shoves him to the ground tells him so.

Allen shouts as he feels some of his hair being torn out. His eyes are starting to tear up and the empty feeling he's been in is vanishing, slipping out of his grasp only to be replaced with the knowledge of what is going to happen.

"Shut up and sit still!" The woman's voice is like ice, pouring into his veins, cementing him to the spot she's dropped him on. He glances around the room, at the blond boy as he pulls things out of a cabinet, at the girl as she picks vials out of another, at the woman who has the Lotus now.

Allen drops his eyes back to the ground, to his lap as he moves to sit more comfortably. A white cloth is laid before him by the girl with hair like his own. She doesn't look at him.

She sets different vials up, in a line, five of them, all different in appearance, all deadly in their own right, all terrifying in sight to Allen.

The girl stands and moves off to the side.

Her brother is before him now, setting a stone bowl down, with a stone inside it for mixing contents up. He places a cup of boiling water down beside the other. He does not look up at Allen.

The boy stands and moves off to the side, to stand next to his sister.

The Circus Master flicks the bright lights off as she moves towards Allen. The room is thrown into darkness for a moment and all he can see is nothing… nothing except the glow of the water that the Lotuses are in.

She moves over and kneels before him, the twins taking a seat behind her on either side, their heads bowed. Allen can feel something inside him crying out now, begging to be set free. He knows that he'll die if he lets go, if he lets that part of him free.

The woman sets a cup down, one of molded, frosted glass, in the shape of a flower. The look on her face is that of disdain as she picks the vials up, one by one, mixing them in the stone bowl. Allen closes his eyes as the Circus Master starts to pluck the petals off the lotus, putting half inside of the stone bowl.

He's worried, anxious beyond belief.

"Tell me something, Flower…" The woman's voice causes Allen to snap his eyes open, to glance at her face. "Why did you come here? Don't lie, I will look into your mind if you do." Her voice is deadly, cold and solid. There's nothing about it that's inviting and it makes Allen wonder why he thought Kanda's voice had always been so cruel…

"I was ordered to…" He closes his eyes, an image of Komui floating to the fore front of his mind. He can see everyone clearly, everyone he's ever met, ever spoken to back there… back _home_…

"Why?" Allen opens his eyes in time to see the woman began to crush the lotus petals in the stone bowl, mixing the boiling water in slowly.

"…to see if there was Innocence here…" The Circus Master gives a small laugh, a hollow sounding one. There's silence for a brief moment, silence that's only broken by the sounds of the flower being crushed, by the stones scraping against each other. Allen stares at the vial that's not been mixed in with the others, at the strange, swirling liquid inside of it.

"There is no Innocence here, not the kind you seek, and not that of a person… This is a tainted place." For a second the boy feels like there's something more to the woman's words, something more to what she's said. The feeling is fleeting though, because he's reminded that she can kill him, can destroy him…

_Survive…_ His mind reminds him.

It's such a small voice too, one that belongs to a child, to a kid that has learned all too well the cruelty of mankind.

Allen can't help but feel his old self, the one before Mana, falling, slipping back into place, back into his personality. A part of him is glad to lose his memories.

It means he cannot become what he used to be, he'll retain his humanity…

"I live outside of reality, using my own abilities. I am not Noah, I am not an Exorcist or an Akuma. I am none of those and I plan to never interact with them, but the likes of you seem to make that impossible…" The Circus Master looks up, glaring at Allen with a ferocity that would put Kanda to shame. "You exorcists are like cockroaches, every time I exterminate one, another shows up, stronger than before…"

He feels a lump growing in his throat and he isn't sure if it's caused by fear, dread, or sheer panic. The woman pours a little more of the boiling water into the stone bowl before pouring it into the glass cup. The liquid, the crushed petals steam and glow, swirling about in an eerie sort of manner.

Allen's right hand is grabbed and the remaining petals are put into it. They are soft to the touch, smooth and silky and he isn't sure why he's so scared of such a thing. He knows better though, knows that their beauty is their poison…

"Eat…" The word gives no room for argument, for disobedience and before Allen knows what he's doing the petals are in his mouth…

And they taste so strange, so very, very strange…

The last vial is mixed into the cup, changing the color to something that Allen cannot even explain, to something that is a rainbow, that is white, that is black, that is everything and yet… completely clear…

He's handed the cup and told to drink - and he does as he's told. The liquid slips past his lips, and down his over-used throat. He can feel it, can feel the warmth of the drink, can feel it take effect on his mind. He's already fading and he's only had a few mouthfuls of the liquid…

Allen, that's his name, he still knows that. He's fifteen, is in love with another guy, one he works with… _what do I do again…?_

The boy swallows and continues to drink more from the glass.

He works with lots of people, named Linalee, Lavi, Komui, Miranda, Krory. He helps others, fighting, fending off… _what do I fight again…?_

He pauses and looks down at the cup, at how it is just over half full.

He trained with his Master, trained and learned how to use his arm, he was found just after… _who was that man again…?_

Allen takes another mouthful, his head is beginning to feel light and he wonders if he can finish the glass.

He used to work somewhere, doing odd jobs, that was how he met… _Who did I meet?_

"Keep going, Flower - you only have a little left."

He knows that voice, it's supposed to scare him… _Why does it make me want to cry?_

The boy takes another gulp, tries to finish the drink up as fast as possible.

Who was that person that I cared for…? _What was his name…Ka…Kan…?_

Allen pulls the glass back from his face. His head is fuzzy and he can't picture things properly anymore. He feels disoriented and can't even recall what he was drinking anymore. The cup is taken from him and he looks up, staring at the people before him.

He feels like he's forgetting something, something important. The boy closes his eyes and tries to picture the face of the man he knows he was thinking about just a second ago. The image is elusive and every time he thinks he has landed on a fact, on a memory that is real, it slips away. He feels like he's trying to catch water with his bare hands.

"Tell me Flower, what is your name?" The Circus Master's voice is sharp, sending a dull pain throughout the boy's head. He feels his chest tighten and something inside of him tells him that he should fear this woman.

"Name… my name is…" Allen closes his eyes and thinks. His body is starting to lean forward but before he falls over, hands grab hold of him.

"It's Allen… I… think… Jamie… Jamie… Allen… I'm not sure…" The boy pulls his eyes open and stares at the room as it moves before him, as it shifts and distorts itself. "May… may I go to sleep?" He cannot shake the feeling that if he sleeps he won't recall what he has forgotten but he also knows that if he does not sleep he will never remember his name again.

"Fine, sleep." Allen watches through hazy eyes as the woman stands and moves away from him, slipping farther into the dark room they're in.

The hands that are on him are gentle and it makes his head spin. He looks at each side, at the girl and at the boy, a sense of familiarity about them both. The two give him a weak smile as they began to lay him down on the floor, pushing the vials and items off to the side.

xxxxxx

_Now I lay me down to sleep_

_I pray dear lord,_

_My soul you'll keep,_

_May you watch me through the night,_

_And wake me with_

_The morning light…_

_And he has no memory of who he is praying too_

Next chapter is Ownership of the Damned…

~Lafy


	7. Ownership of the Damned

**Disclaimer: **All Creations except the really strange things belong to someone other than me…

**Warning: **Allen being provocative…

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Ownership of the Damned**_~

Lavi is stunned.

His mind's running off in a million different directions…

Yet he can't find out how to make his body work anymore. He's staring at Komui, at the Asian man as he talks to someone on the phone. He's come to see him again, come to sit in his office while he works. The silence in this room is less suffocating to him then in the library or even in his own room.

Linalee is still gone, refusing to return just yet…

Lavi feels like everything around him is evaporating and he can't contain his emotions anymore. He's leaning against Komui's desk, an annoyed look is sent in his direction by the Asian man as he leans back. The redhead wants to hear both sides of the conversation, wants to understand entirely what's going on.

And for once he doesn't want to say it's because he's a Bookman in training. Komui turns himself away from the redhead closing his eyes so that he can focus more on what he's saying, on what is being said to him.

xxxxxx

Allen finds himself lying atop the bed in the small room.

He knows that it will be time to get up soon, time to do his _job_ but he can't find the will to move just yet. He knows he was dreaming about something… something pleasant yet he can't shake the feeling of wanting to cry, of wanting to curl up and pretend he doesn't have to do anything.

The boy lies in the bed a moment longer before standing. The lock on his door is still in place so he knows that he cannot leave the room just yet. He fidgets with his clothes, with the white topless kimono and snow blue obi before hearing the familiar click. Allen looks up at the door handle a moment before leaving the room.

The hall is almost empty and there is a girl standing before her door next to him. Allen can't help but wonder how long he has been asleep. He's found that he's not awoken every night, only when someone wants him, or has requested someone like him.

Ivonne turns the corner and heads towards him, speaking to each person she comes to. When she reaches him she tells him to go to his usual room.

Usual, meaning his customer for the night has not requested anything for their surroundings.

Allen nods and heads off in the direction he has learned the room is in. He does not wait to see what's said to the girl, said to any of the other people in the hall. He has learned that he's only to care for himself…

The room's silent and clean, as it always is, no matter what has happened in his previous night.

The boy hurries to the other side of the room and starts to make tea. He has committed the act to memory and no longer has to think about it, to think about _anything_ while he prepares himself. He can't help but wonder, to worry, about who will come to see him. He is most fearful of the men but the women make him sad…

The women can be deadly though…

Allen ignores the memory of a previous client and moves to sit down on the pillow. Within moments Ivonne is leading a man into the room. One who is relatively young and the boy can't help but hope for some semblance of a normal night… He doesn't really care about what the man wants him to do, he just doesn't want to be kissed, to be hit.

The hitting, the beatings… they are what scare him the most…

xxxxxx

The sound of the lock clicking open is what wakes him up next. His body is sore, letting him know that he has not been asleep for too many days. The bruises have faded but he knows that they were there, had still happened. He stands and walks out of his room and immediately looks around. The boy on his other side is standing there but the girl is gone.

Ivonne takes longer to reach him this night and it makes him worry, makes him feel antsy.

She moves before him, her face forever set in stone, forever looking grim, forever looking empty. She tells him to go to the Arabian room this time. Allen nods and turns to leave, heads off for the room. He finds it almost too quickly for his tastes, too quickly for that empty spot in his mind that tells him to drag his feet.

The room is lavish and filled with plush pillows. There's a platform in the center that a large futon is lying on, surrounded by hanging drapes, all of silk and sheer, soft fabrics. There's something about this room that makes Allen feel nauseous.

He hurries over and starts the tea up before taking a seat on a red pillow that is set before a low lying table. The boy looks down at his hands and tries to shake the uneasy feeling from his mind, that one that shows up whenever he is given a moment to think, that makes him feel like he's waiting for something…

…Someone…

The door to the room opens, and a woman who embodies a dove walks in. She steps off to the side and allows a man to enter the room before leaving. He is older than the one from before but not by much. This one though doesn't look as kind and it makes Allen feel nervous. He's afraid that he is going to be told-

"I want to rape you…"

Allen squeezes his eyes shut and nods his head. He hates clients like this…

xxxxxx

His head is heavy and when he opens his eyes he knows he has been asleep for a few days. His body needed time to heal. He knew that, but still… He can never seem to get over the feeling of waking from a long sleep.

Allen stands and straightens his kimono, takes notice that he has sleeves now that fade into a deep red along the edges. He looks over at the door, the lock has already clicked open and the dull ache growing in his ears tells him that the sound will start up soon…

The boy hurries out of his room and Ivonne frowns at him, he has made her wait and that is never good… She doesn't hit him this time though, doesn't say anything except that he is to go to the tropical room.

He nods his head before being told where it is.

The room is warm and very humid, causes his skin to feel sticky. He ignores it, ignores the tropical plants, the sea shells and ocean scent in the air, ignores everything as he starts to make the tea, the one thing that seems to be the constant in his life.

Allen turns and heads over to the blue pillow sitting on the floor before a glass table and a white wicker loveseat. He waits longer than usual before the door opens and Ivonne shows a woman inside. She smiles brightly and removes a large coat. She looks excited to be there, and Allen feels relieved.

"Oooh, aren't you a cutie!" The woman says, taking a seat before him. "You look just like my student but with paler hair!"

xxxxxx

He's awoken by the click of the lock once more.

He doesn't feel as groggy as before but he can still feel the scratches on his body, running up and down his back. He stands, his back aching some, and leaves the small room. The girl next to him is standing before her door, looking rather out of it, but the boy on his other side is not there.

The woman who embodies a dove appears at the end of the hall, tells everyone which room they are to go to. Allen learns that even Ivonne has to see clients.

He is sent to his usual room this time, and he decides to take his time getting there.

He starts the tea as always and takes his place on the white pillow, where he doesn't have to wait long before the woman appears. A man is lead into the room and Allen looks down at his hands immediately, unsure of what is going to happen. The door is shut as the woman leaves and the man takes the seat on the couch.

"Would you like some tea?" Allen is glad that his voice does not shake, glad that his nervousness is not showing as he stands and moves towards the teapot.

"Yes, and no sugar please…" The boy nods and does what is asked before sitting back down on the pillow. A silence fills the room, one that makes him even more anxious. He decides that he should just ask about his fate, ask what the man wants…

"How would you like me to act…?" The smile that forms on the man's face is a wicked one followed by a sentence that makes Allen feel degraded.

"I want you to beg me for it…"

xxxxxx

His hips ache this time, and he knows that the bruise marks are still there.

He stands and straightens his kimono some before hearing the lock click open. Allen leaves his room and is somewhat surprised to see both the girl and the boy on either side of him. Ivonne comes down the hall, directing them once more, and he is sent back to his usual room.

He takes his time once more with getting there and starts the tea up in a bit of a hurry before sitting once more on the white pillow. Allen sits there for a while before the door to his room is opened and another man is shown in. He takes a seat on the couch, directly in the middle of it, and the boy asks him if he wants tea.

He says no, but he would like to drink him…

Allen is told to strip and to sit on his lap…

…And he does what he is told…

"How would you like me to act…?"

xxxxxx

He is groggy this time when he wakes, his mind telling him that it has been far too long since he was last awake. He stands after a moment, having some trouble maintaining his balance before taking note of his wardrobe change, of the fact that he is now wearing a very short all white kimono with full, long sleeves and a deep red obi.

The lock on his door clicks open once more and Allen moves out into the hall, flattening his hair a little as he goes. The girl next to him is there again but the boy is absent this time.

Ivonne comes down the hall and instructs him to go to the Asian room…

Allen nods and heads off down the hall, his feet feeling cold against the floor.

The room is pleasant to him, reminding him vaguely of _something_, but he doesn't dwell on the thought for long, on the empty part of his mind where he knows something should be. The boy moves across the tatami mats and over to the small hardwood counter to start the tea. He notes that this time it's green tea.

The sound of the door opening makes him jump and run to take his seat on the pillow before Ivonne shows a man into the room. Allen offers him tea and he accepts, taking a seat at the low sitting table across from him.

"How would you like me to act…?" There is a moment of silence in the room before the man sets the tea he has been given back down.

"You're going to call me sensei…"

xxxxxx

His head aches as he's awoken by the sound of the lock clicking open.

Allen stands and straightens his kimono before walking out into the hall. Neither the girl nor the boy are out this time. He waits a moment before the woman embodying a dove appears and tells him to go to his usual room. Allen nods his head and silently obeys, like he does to everyone there.

His room smells clean and fresh when he enters it and a part of him is pleased to know this, only a part because he knows he has to make tea…

By the time he takes his place on the white pillow he finds his mind digressing again, wondering just how long he has really been there…

The door to his room opens and a man is led in. One who has a presence that is overwhelming and makes Allen feel nervous and on edge. The door shuts and the man takes a seat on the couch, lighting a cigarette up. The scent soothes the boy as he tries to calm himself, tries to tell himself that the man might not want to harm him…

"Would you like some tea…?"

"You really are an idiot, apprentice…"

xxxxxx

Komui sets the phone down and opens his eyes. His head is spinning and he's unsure of what to say, unsure of what to tell the young man before him. Lavi's staring at him with eyes that are trying to hold back what little hope he has. The Asian man suddenly feels nervous and looks away before talking.

"…Cross… is going to bring him back…" Lavi cannot contain himself, contain the amount of happiness that's flooding his system, his mind. He launches himself at the man before him, hugging him with enough force to make the chair move, almost fall over if it wasn't for the fact that it was on wheels.

"Allen's going to be safe!" Lavi hugs Komui, not wanting to let go, not wanting to think of anything other than the fact that his friend will be coming back soon…

"Yeah… but I'm worried about the condition his mind is going to be in when he returns…" Komui sighs and gives into the part of his mind that tells him he needs to relax. He rests his hand on the back of Lavi's head and looks up at the ceiling. He's suddenly feeling drained…

The redhead frowns lightly, his face buried in the other's neck.

"Don't think like that, Allen is strong, he lived with Cross for years after all…" Komui closes his eyes and lets the drained feeling sink in. He knows that he needs to sleep soon, so he doesn't collapse working…

"Right, we've believed in him before, after all, he had his heart punctured and his arm removed yet he still came back…" Lavi smiles, inhales the scent of coffee emanating from the older male before pulling back and standing up straight. There's a knock at the door and Bookman walks into the room. He stares at his apprentice, taking in the barely hidden smile on his face.

"It's time for you to study and stop lounging around." The redhead nods and follows the older man out of the office, shutting the door behind himself.

"Remember you are to observe and not take sides…" Lavi stares at Bookman's back, unsure of why he was just told that.

xxxxxx

Allen can't help but look up at the man sitting before him. He is more than a little confused at what has just been said to him. It takes his mind a moment to take a guess at what the sentence could mean and he decides that the man is just telling him how to act.

"…Would you like some tea… Master…?" He adds the word on the end of the sentence hopeful that the man will be pleased with him. He doesn't want to anger him, doesn't want him to leave the room dissatisfied for fear of being punished.

"Fine, no sugar…" Allen stands and can instantly feel eyes on him, making him nervous, causing his heart to beat faster than it should. He pours the tea and sets it on the table before taking his seat atop the pillow.

"What are you wearing?" Cross sounds disgusted to the boy and it makes him worry, makes his mind unravel a bit. He had been doing so well with his customers lately, too…

"I-it's what they give me to wear here…" Allen can't keep his demeanor out of his voice, can't help but clench the edge of his kimono tightly in his hands to keep them from shaking. The man makes a sound before picking the tea up and taking a sip.

"This is actually pretty good…" There's a note of astonishment in the man's voice and it makes Allen feel slightly proud though he isn't sure why. "It could use some alcohol though…"

"We have some!" The boy looks up instantly and hopeful. The second his eyes land on the others face he flushes and looks away, terrified that he's made some sort of mistake.

"Are you going to get it or not?" He nods and stands abruptly, hurrying over to the cabinets where he pulls a few bottles out.

"We have a few different kinds, what would you like sir-I mean Master!" Allen stares down at the two bottles that are in his hands, mentally scolding himself for messing that up, for forgetting to call the man Master. It has been quite some time since he's seen someone who requested that of him…

The boy can feel Cross' stare, can feel the intensity in it and wonders if it would be bad to ask the man if he wanted him right now. He tells himself no, that it would probably annoy the other further and tries to calm himself. He can't figure out why he's suddenly so nervous…

"Allen, look at me." This makes the boy jump, causes a bottle he's holding to slip out of his grip and fall to the floor. He has _never_ been called by his name before, not even by Ivonne…

The bottle shatters at his feet making him jump again and stare down at the spreading mess. He frowns lightly as the deep purple liquid touches his toes. Allen turns to the cabinets next to him and opens up one of the lower ones, pulling out a towel and setting it atop the mess.

"I'm sorry, Master…" He closes his eyes, tries to figure out why it's so damn hard to keep saying that word. He pulls another towel out and kneels down to clean the mess up.

"Come here." The boy trembles lightly, terrified at how demanding the man is. He sets the towel down and moves back towards the pillow. "Not there, stand before me." He gives a small nod of the head in reply and moves to do so, his face heating up the second he's within reach.

Allen closes his eyes but realizes that's a bad idea as he feels Cross' hand on his chin, forcing him to look up. He takes a brief note of the man's features, of the mask on part of his face and of his long red hair before deciding that now would be a good time to ask.

"Does… does Master wish to punish me…?" He licks his lips, hoping to be tempting, hoping that the man will react like the others but… the only thing that happens is that his mouth falls open, almost causing that cigarette to fall with it.

"What-? NO!" Allen is shoved backwards and forced to sit on the table. "What makes you say something like _that?_!" Cross snaps, completely astonished by the way Allen's acting.

"I-I broke the bottle…and Master must punish me…" The boy pleads, spreading his knees apart a little. He doesn't care what he has to do tonight, just so long as he doesn't get beat, doesn't get hit or cut, or even raped…

Cross is momentarily stunned, only for a moment though because he takes hold of Allen's knees and shoves them together. The boy stares at him though, pouting in such a manner that makes him wonder just what's going through his mind.

"What do you think you're doing!" Cross snaps, taking his hands back only to realize that there is an oil like substance left on his gloves. Allen leans forward and takes hold of his left hand.

"If… If Master does not wish to punish me, may I satisfy him then…?" It's now that the cigarette that has been dangling between Cross' lips falls…

Falls because Allen licks the substance from his fingers before taking two into his mouth and sucking on them…

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" The red-haired man shouts shoving Allen back and off of the table, his small kimono slipping farther up his legs that have not quite made it over the table. Cross stares at the boy, stunned by his actions before his mind catches up with him.

"You don't remember me, do you…?"

Allen moves to sit himself up properly, his back throbbing some from the harsh landing. His head is aching and the small of his back is burning yet he doesn't know why. He's missed Cross' words altogether.

The man's standing now, staring at Allen as he sits himself up, tries to think of just what might have happened to the boy to make him _forget_ him. His words are caught in his throat with the other's next sentence.

"How do you want me tonight then?"

The red-haired man just stares at him though, stares at him, looking more and more annoyed with each second that passes.

"I don't _want_ you! That's not why I'm here!" Allen looks down at the floor feeling his chest tighten a little. He doesn't understand the man. If he doesn't want him then why is he there…?

"But you paid for me! Please just use me!" Cross looks away from him, away from the pleading boy who looks like he's on the verge of tears. There is a shuffling sound that forces his eyes back onto Allen…

…In time to see him remove his obi. Cross nearly jumps out of his boots in order to yank the kimono shut.

"What in God's name are you doing?" His sentence doesn't seem to get through to the boy as he is suddenly pulled to the floor and shoved onto his back…

…With Allen sitting on top of him…

"Please just use me, I'll do whatever you want! I'll beg, I'll plead, I'll suck, I can call you Master! I can be loud t-" Cross slaps his hand over Allen's mouth having heard more than he has ever wanted to from his student. He sits himself up, making sure to pin the boy to the floor. The look that he is being given though worries him…

…Because Allen's eyes are starting to fill with tears.

"What don't you get about me saying I'm not here for that?" The man hesitates a moment before removing his hand. He's hating himself more and more with each second that passes, with each thing that comes out of his student's mouth, with how desperate he's acting.

"Then why are you here…?" The boy's voice cracks slightly with the tears that are starting to spill from his eyes.

It's now that Cross feels his anger spike.

He stands and moves towards the door only to be stopped as Allen grabs a hold of his leg.

"Please! Don't go! Don't leave, don't tell them that I wasn't listening! I don't care what you do now, you can beat me, you can rape me, you can cut me! I don't care just don't leave!" Cross is stunned and can't think of how to properly comfort the boy. He reaches down and unwraps his arms from around his leg before walking over and picking the discarded red sash up.

"I'm not leaving." There is a steadiness in the man's voice that scares and comforts Allen all the same. He's pulled up to his feet and his kimono is wrapped around him hastily, tied shut with the sash sloppily being put into place.

"We're leaving, you and me."

"I can't leave here, though!" Allen stares at Cross, something inside of his chest bubbling up. He doesn't quite understand the feeling, or even what it is, as he can't recall having ever felt it before.

"Not unless you're bought." Cross takes hold of the boy's arm and pulls him towards the door. Allen's head is spinning and the room is starting to shift before him. He can feel his heart beating faster, almost too fast and he fears that something bad is going to happen. He knows that he costs a lot, more than any average person would pay but he's terrified that the man won't have enough. He doesn't want to let the feeling inside of his chest go, the feeling that he can't recall having ever felt before…

_And he has no clue what he'll pay for his freedom_

Next chapter: Lie Down with Me Tonight

~Lafy


	8. Lie Down with Me Tonight

**Disclaimer: **Of all the things I own, these characters that I play dress up with here are not mine…

**Warning: **Cursing

**Note from Israfel: **Okay before you read understand that yes, Cross is parental towards Allen, but also NOT. He knows and understands his feelings much more than most characters in this fic and even though he acts parental towards him he also doesn't. Cross knows he loves Allen, the question is whether it's parental or not. As for Allen, he's trying to latch onto to something/one that is solid and will not hurt him, something/one that is stable.

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Lie Down with Me Tonight**_~

Allen cannot believe the feeling inside of his chest. He doesn't understand it, doesn't understand what it means, or even why it's there. He knows that he should recall having felt it before yet he can't, he can't remember a lot of things. He feels like he's being suffocated, but for once he's not afraid of the feeling. He's not as afraid of this man as he thinks he should be.

The boy closes his eyes as the red-haired man waits patiently for the Circus Master to appear.

They have been moved into another room, one that is filled with minimal furniture and gives off the feeling of an office. The air is thick and Allen feels like he's having trouble breathing. The smoke emanating from the man's cigarette has nothing to do with it though, in fact he's found that it calms his nerves.

The air in the room feels almost stagnant like.

Allen knows that this room is seldom used, knows that most slaves are too expensive to be bought. He has a feeling that he will be too, that the man will not be able to pay for him. The thought makes his already constricted chest feel tighter. Something is said and he opens his eyes, letting them drift towards Cross, but not quite making it to his face.

"How much do you remember of your past?"

Allen feels like his heart is being squeezed, like he can't breathe. Something's suffocating him like the first time he woke up in that small room. He doesn't know what to say, or even where he should begin. His head's starting to ache, a pressure building behind his eyes and in his temples.

"I-I don't know anything…" He can feel the small of his back start to burn again, a dull ache growing in intensity. "I only know this place, and how I'm to act." Cross lets out a sound that is something of a snort.

"Like how you acted back there?" He's staring up at the ceiling, watching the smoke from his cigarette drift up into the air. He doesn't expect a response to his question, doesn't expect Allen to say anything more.

"If I don't please my customers then I…" Cross tilts his head down and stares at the boy on the other end of the couch. He takes in his posture, in his slightly hunched back, his legs pulled together, hands clamped onto the hem of the short kimono. "I am punished if they are dissatisfied, and then I am to do as they wish…"

For a moment, Cross is speechless. He can feel an anger rise up in his chest, one of pure loathing and hatred for this place, for turning Allen into-_that_-into something he never wanted the boy to go through, something that he had promised Mana he'd never let him do…

Allen closes his eyes, feeling suffocated again. He wants to leave the room, to just go to sleep, he's afraid of the man next to him, but he's even more afraid of the customers he has yet to see. He wants to be bought but he doesn't want to be hurt. He knows that he doesn't have a say in who owns him, though. He lost his freedom long ago, before he can remember.

xxxxxx

Lavi is waiting outside of Linalee's room.

She's to return soon, after she sees her brother, after she tells him about how Krory has been doing, after she learns about… The redhead looks up hearing footsteps coming down the hall. Linalee's practically running at him, her steps frantic and hurried. The look on her face is of utter joy and it breaks his heart some.

He's becoming more and more worried about Allen's mind.

The small female comes to a hurried stop before him, setting her suitcase down beside her. Her eyes are large and her face looks alive for once. Lavi can't help but return the smile.

"He's coming back!" She gasps out, her eyes showing her emotions all too clearly. "Cross is going to bring him back to us!" Lavi wants to say something, wants to tell her that he's as excited and relieved as she is… but… his worry is eating away at him.

He hates himself for it, for wanting to cut his visit with Linalee short, even after having waited in the hall for her.

But he can't deny his thoughts anymore…

"Is your brother still in his office?" The female gives him a small nod of the head before she remembers something.

"He wanted to speak to you, he asked me to find you for him…" Lavi is a little shocked by this but tries not to let it show.

"I'll come back after I talk to him, you need the time to unpack too, right?" Linalee just smiles at him as he hurries off down the hall, trying not to look rushed or eager… His mind's spinning and he wonders if something has happened, if Cross was unable to retrieve Allen. He tells himself that's impossible because the man _is_ Cross.

Lavi comes to a sudden halt before the large door and closes his eyes, wills his breathing back to normal. He raises his hand to knock on the door when he realizes that someone has approached him from behind. The redhead turns to see Bookman standing behind him, with an unreadable look on his face. "I'm surprised you got here before me…"

"Uh - Linalee told me he needed to see me…" Lavi feels stupid for some reason - an unfamiliar sensation rising up in the back of his mind. He's given a Look, one that he normally gets when he's done something stupid, but the older man doesn't say anything. He steps past his student and on into the Asian man's office.

Komui looks up upon seeing them enter the room. He plasters a small, almost real, smile onto his face. Lavi knows that the smile won't become real until Allen has stepped back into headquarters, until he has made sure that the boy is fine and that-

"I didn't expect you so soon…" The statement is aimed at the youngest male and he suddenly feels vulnerable.

"I wanted to let Linalee unpack in privacy…" Bookman moves over to sit on the couch and Lavi is left standing. Komui stares at him a moment, taking in his statement before nodding. The redhead flops down on the couch.

"The two of you know that Allen has been missing…" The Asian man has taken on a tone that the youngest male has not heard in a while, the tone that tells him he's going on an important assignment…

"…and that Cross has found him. I made an agreement with him the other day that if he were to retrieve Allen he wouldn't have to bring him back to the Order." Lavi's mouth drops open and he's about to say something, only he's suddenly silenced with a look from Bookman.

"You want us to go and retrieve him right?"

Komui nods picking up a file from atop the stack of papers he has been working on recently.

"Yes, but you running into Cross and him will be _accidental_ as the Order has not allowed me to send anyone out to bring him back yet. That's why the assignment you are going on is something that has been altered…"

xxxxxx

The woman has taken a seat at the desk across from them. Her eyes are dark and her expression dim. She doesn't look pleased. The tension that has been in the air has grown to such an extent that it feels tangible, making it even harder for Allen to think. He feels dizzy, and he wants to close his eyes, to go to sleep, to escape the tension. The moment he closes his eyes though he feels like he's falling…

"You want to purchase him?" Cross nods, his eyes on the Circus Master as she pulls a paper from the desk drawer.

"He's an expensive treat to buy, I can offer others at a lower price-"

"No," The red-haired man's voice is deadly and it frightens Allen some, causing him to hunch over a little more. "I want him and I'll pay full price…" The Circus Master leans back in her chair, taking in the man's appearance and facial expression.

She smiles coldly at him…

"The Order is wanting him back that badly?" Allen does not understand her words and Cross glares at the woman. "Well if that's the case, then I'm going to just let you go, but…" Her eyes drift towards Allen. He can feel them too, can feel the discontent behind them. He can't help but stiffen his body in response.

He doesn't understand why she's giving him away, why she doesn't raise his price. He knows that something will happen, that he will pay for his freedom with something. He doesn't know what though, he doesn't have a clue what the woman might want - he has nothing after all.

No clothes of his own,

No objects of sentimental value,

Not even memories…

"Flower, stand and come here." Cross shifts his eyes to the boy and watches as he does what he's told, as he keeps his head down and moves silently. The Circus Master shifts in her seat, turns to the side as Allen stops beside her. She stares at him, at his clothes that were hurriedly placed back on him, at his two different hands, at the designs on his feet, the vines and moyashi that creep up his arm and neck and onto his face.

"Your appearance is one of my favorite creations, Night Phlox, but it seems you cannot stay here…" The woman reaches up, her hand trailing softly down his cheek, his shoulder and over his chest, stopping at the sash. "But I think it's time you left. You're more trouble then you're worth, killing that man and all…" To this, Allen looks up at her, shock written clear on his face.

"Hush now, little one, you've forgotten all about that messy business…" Cross frowns deeply, an anger growing in his chest the more the woman speaks to Allen, his fear becoming more apparent on his face with each word that's said.

The Circus Master raises her hand up to Allen's face, touches his cheek that's partially covered in vines, forces his chin up a little. She waits a moment, lost in her own thoughts before sitting up straight and touching both of Allen's temples.

The boy's eyes snap open, wide and terrified, as the room's suddenly lost to him, lost to a blur of color and dizzying shapes. He can hear something being said, something being told to him, but he doesn't know what's happening. He feels like a pressure is growing inside of his skull and it's becoming unbearable.

Allen lets out a scream, his arms flying up to grab hold of his head, to try and pull the woman's hands from him. He can't though, he feels weak, disconnected with the room and his body. The pain that's coursing through him is worse than the sound has ever been. He feels an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him somewhere.

It's too late though, his head feels like it's going to explode and he's crying, begging for everything to stop, to stand still long enough for him to at least be able to see again. He can hear shouting, but it sounds so far away from him…

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM?" Cross is screaming, his arm wrapped firmly around Allen's waist, his gun pointed directly at the woman. She smiles though, smiles and stands, moving towards where the man has pulled the boy back to.

"Finishing his curse, the one that every slave gets when they leave here." Cross glares at her, daring her to come closer. He's torn between attacking the woman and trying to help Allen. He can tell that there's obviously something wrong with him now, something added to the rest of his problems.

"You can't use that weapon here, this is my time, my land…" The Circus Master smiles sadistically as she moves closer to Cross, within arm's length. He's frozen though, frozen because the second she puts her hands on Allen's head again his breathing slows down and his eyes, wide and panic-stricken, begin to close. The boy's crying still, crying tears of blood as the woman's voice echoes through his skull, mind numbing and ear shattering. _-Why haven't I died yet?-_

xxxxxx

_On your back, a Lotus is Engraved_

_Those flower petals will fall_

_One by one…_

_Till you have been left with none_

_Seek during the day, provoke during Night _

_Find your heart_

_And take to bed, that one_

_Spread your legs, and let them inside_

_Only that one_

_For a toy of mine you shall be_

_If the one inside you is not of your heart_

_Or if that last petal is to fall…_

xxxxxx

Cross can't seem to focus, not on the woman before him, not when Allen's trembling in his arms, whimpering and begging for the world to stop moving. He shoves the Circus Master back and pulls the boy closer to himself, closer to his body. He holsters his gun and turns Allen to look at him.

The boy's legs can't seem to support him and he's toppling over, speaking incoherently. Cross hates the woman more than ever now, detesting her very being for having done this to him. The red-haired man tries to wipe the blood from the boy's face, tries to calm him. He realizes that he's having no affect though, not when the red tears keep coming.

"What did you do to HIM?" The man grits out through clenched teeth, lifting Allen up with one arm.

"I told you, I finished his curse…" The Circus Master smiles dangerously at the two of them. "You heard it too, that he only has so much time… better leave here then…" Cross does not need to be told twice, does not want to stay there any longer. He turns and heads out the door.

He's worried about Allen, about how he's _still_ bleeding from his eyes, how his breathing is still too ragged and uneven. Cross tries to talk to him, to get him to say something as he hurries through the halls. The boy doesn't speak though, doesn't even look at him.

His eyes are blank and he looks like he's not seeing anything anymore. The red-haired man shifts how he's holding the boy as they turn another corner. Allen leans into him, his hands weakly grabbing at his jacket. Cross is reminded of a time long ago when he had first taken the boy in, had to carry him in a similar manner.

He had not been filled with so much hatred at that time though…

Cross's suddenly pulled to a stop as he turns onto the hall that leads out of the Circus. He silently curses to himself as he turns around, prepared for whatever threat that he's about to face now. He's shocked though, surprised that the woman who led him to Allen's room earlier that night is standing there, her eyes looking fearful.

"The one he loves, it was a man with dark hair-" The woman's voice suddenly halts, her face displaying her fear. Cross frowns deeply as Ivonne drops to her knees, her hands holding her head.

"You stupid woman!" The Circus Master hisses as she hurries down that hall towards them. "You stupid, stupid WOMAN!" Allen shivers in Cross' arms, reminding the man that they are near the exit. He wants to help the female on the floor, wants to save her as well, but he knows that Allen is what matters most right now.

Cross turns and heads back down the hall, ignoring Ivonne's screams to the best of his ability.

xxxxxx

Lavi's lying atop Linalee's bed as she talks to him, as she tells him about where she went and how excited she was when she learned about Allen. Her words are falling on deaf ears though. The redhead's not paying her as much attention as he knows he should. He's replying to everything she has said, but only to a degree.

His mind's detached from his present situation at the moment and he can't figure out why. He knows that he's to leave tomorrow to head out and retrieve Allen but he feels like something is off…

Like there's something he's forgetting that's important…

The feeling isn't so much as forgetting but as ignoring something.

Lavi sits up on Linalee's bed as she pulls out a dress she bought while away. The material is thin, and seems to have an interesting shine to it. "That's silk isn't it?" The redhead finds himself asking though he already knows the answer.

"Yes, isn't it gorgeous? Look at all the lace and the embroidery…" The female holds the dress up to her body, hugging it closely so that it resembles how it'll look when she wears it. "Oooh, I hope Allen likes it!" Lavi feels like he should say something, like he should complement her but…

"Is it really that late?" Linalee's staring at the clock on her wall, amazed that it's almost eleven at night already. "I need to bring brother some coffee ."

"It's okay, I'll do it." Lavi stands before the female has time to object. "You just got back anyways. You should rest." Linalee's about to say something, but before the words leave her mouth the redhead's already out the door.

It takes him only ten minutes to make the coffee, enough for everyone, and by the time he's walking down the hall to the science department he can't help but feel nervous. He doesn't understand the feeling either, he knows that bringing everyone coffee isn't anything important but, he's still _nervous_… Lavi tries not to analyze the emotion, tries not to completely disregard it either.

By the time he's reached the science department he's composed himself enough to act normal. The second he enters the room, though, he's swarmed around, the tray he's carrying emptied, except for one cup. The redhead looks down at the single cup and frowns lightly.

"Where's Komui?" He asks Reever as the older man is still standing next to him.

"He's probably asleep in his office, I don't think he's slept in a few days. Linalee still resting?" The redhead nods and decides to make small talk with the older man before leaving.

"How's work been going?"

"We haven't had any all-nighters in a long time, but I'm getting worried about Komui, he hasn't seemed himself in a while." Lavi looks down at the cup of coffee and tries to not let the sentence bug him. "You should go see if he's awake, he'll appreciate the coffee if he is."

The younger male nods before leaving the room, not realizing that he's being watched the whole time.

xxxxxx

The second Cross steps outside into the frozen night air everything seems to stop. The sounds that have been so loud and so apparent inside of the Circus are gone now, not even an echo in the air. Allen's breathing is starting to even out and the dazed look that he's been giving off is starting to fade.

"You okay?" The man asks after a second. The boy replies by gently shoving the man, trying to free himself from his grasp.

"Please, sir - Master!" He corrects himself, his hands grasping Cross' arms. He feels like his legs are going to give out underneath him. "Why, why do you want me, you never even used me!" The pleading note in Allen's voice is terrifying and heartbreaking all the same. It makes Cross wants to slap the boy till he returns to his senses but he also wants to hold him.

"Why…? Why did you do that…?" The man stands up straight and pulls a cigarette from his pocket, lights it quickly. He feels stressed and unsure.

"Because you don't belong there…" Allen's hands move to the redhead's chest, gripping the jacket tightly. He leans forward and buries his face in the dark cloth. Cross inhales off of his cigarette before looking down at the boy, at his shaking form.

"It's not something to cry over…" Cross half mutters, feeling the tremors coming from the boy's body. Allen shakes his head and looks up at him, still tries to hold his tears in. "Why did you take me? Why did you want to buy _me?_!"

The man just shakes his head, takes a drag off his cigarette before discarding it. He grasps Allen by the shoulders and pushes him back enough so that he can look at him properly.

"I told you, you don't belong there." Allen nods his head quickly and Cross realizes that the boy's scared of him at the moment. "And I'm not going to hurt you, got that?" There's a mixture of emotions that run past Allen's eyes, making the man nervous.

"Now come on, I want to get out of this damned alley and back to the hotel." He lets go of the boy's arms and turns around in time to see a few people pass by the entrance to the alley. For a moment neither of the two move as Cross lets another thought enter his mind.

He turns back around and stares at Allen…

Or rather at Allen's appearance…

The boy still looks the same as he had inside of the Circus.

"Shit…" Cross curses under his breath, knowing for a fact that he can't take the boy into public as is.

"Something… the matter… Master…?" The man lets out a sound of annoyance that causes Allen to look down automatically. He shakes his head a second before removing his large exorcist's jacket and draping it over the boy's body, the hood completely engulfing his head.

"Wear that so no one sees you…" Cross half demands as he begins to snap some of the clasps shut.

"Does… does Master not like my appearance…?" The man frowns hearing that and shakes his head.

"No, it's that you look indecent, and I don't know how to put your kimono back on properly." Allen nods his head, not understanding what about him is indecent. He doesn't ask though, does nothing more than stand there and wait for the man to finish.

xxxxxx

Lavi slips into Komui's office silently.

He knows the man's asleep, only because he hasn't answered when he knocked. He doesn't know why he's still going into the room though, doesn't know why he feels like he's doing something wrong. The redhead shakes off the sensation as he shuts the door quietly, holding the tray under his arm and the cup of coffee in his left hand.

Lavi scans the room silently, searching for something, though he isn't sure what. Komui's in plain view, his head lying on the desk, on a small stack of papers, his glasses still on his face. The redhead moves farther into the room before deciding that what he's doing is _fine_ and there's nothing wrong with him delivering coffee.

He sets the cup down on the desk, leans over some and waves his hand before the Asian man's face. When he's given no reply he leans forward a little more. Lavi can't help but stare at the man, can't help but wonder why he's worked himself into exhaustion again.

Allen's coming back, so the man should be happier, should be more energetic, should be like what he used to be… yet… he isn't, which worries the redhead. He's worried because that means there's something that Komui isn't telling him, something that has happened to his friend, or something that might happen.

Lavi scolds himself mentally for worrying again. He's promised himself the other day that he was going to think positively, that he was going to believe in Allen, and his own strength of mind, but…

There is that place in the back of his mind that's telling him something's wrong.

…And the sight of Komui passed out on his desk from overworking himself tells him that his hunch is accurate.

The young man leans over the desk, bringing his head closer to the Asian man's. He's hoping that he can steal the others thoughts just by being near him, except…

…Except he can't seem to concentrate at the moment…

Lavi frowns outwardly before setting the tray down. He reaches over and gently removes Komui's glasses. He stares at them, looking through the frames briefly before setting them on the desk, next to the coffee cup.

The sound of footsteps coming from the hall causes the redhead to jump and he pulls back, away from the desk. He isn't sure why he suddenly feels alarmed, or why his head's starting to hurt again. He picks the tray up and heads towards the door to the office, vaguely wishing that his headache would go away. He's been getting a lot of them lately.

Lavi steps out of the office and shuts the door as silently as when he entered. He looks up and down the hall, searching for the person who jolted his senses, yet he sees no one. The sound of footsteps can still be heard so he waits a moment, to see if someone turns the corner. He's not surprised that he's right, not surprised to see a finder heading towards him.

"He's asleep." The redhead tells the man when he's within normal speaking range.

"Asleep?" The finder stares at him a moment, a report in his hand. "I needed to turn this in."

"I'll set it in there." Lavi takes the file and waits for the man to turn the corner before slipping back into Komui's office. He sets the file down on the desk and leaves before his mind starts to wander again.

xxxxxx

Cross stops walking at a street corner. He's lit another cigarette and is half waiting for Allen to catch up, half waiting for the chance to cross the street. He turns around and stares at the smaller form as it weaves past a few people before coming to a halt behind him. It's now that the red-haired man sees it, sees the single white flake slowly drift down from the sky.

It's starting to snow…

Cross curses himself lightly as he takes a step closer to Allen, placing his hand on the boy's face underneath the large black hood. He can feel it through his glove, how cold his skin is.

"Why didn't you say you were cold?" The man asks, annoyed at himself as he stares down at the smaller male.

"I… only do as Master wishes…" Allen breathes out, a slight puff of air visible for only a second.

"If you're cold or don't feel good, say so." Cross frowns, scratching his head as he looks up at the clouded sky, at the small specks of white drifting down towards the Earth.

"Is that an order, Master?"

"Yes." The man closes his eyes, hating himself for having to speak to Allen in such a way. He wants to hurry up, to make the boy return to normal, but he knows that it's not going to happen anytime soon.

"Then, Master," Cross looks down at Allen, a bit surprised to see the boy looking up at him, though he can't quite see his face underneath the hood. "I am cold… and I can't feel my feet." The added part of the sentence catches the man off guard, causing him to look down at Allen's feet instantly…

Only to remember that the boy has no shoes on…

"Shit," Cross frowns deeply seeing a shiver run through the smaller males body. "Why didn't you say something sooner - wait don't answer." The man shakes his head before taking a step closer to the boy. "We're almost to the hotel, I'll carry you." Allen gives a small nod of the head before he feels his body being lifted.

The boy feels dizzy, lost in the feeling of warmth emitted from the older man's body, drunk off the scent of smoke and tobacco. He leans in closer to him, grabs weakly onto his shirt.

"Master…" Allen's voice is weak sounding and it worries Cross, worries him because he doesn't want the boy to fall ill, doesn't want to have to call the Order and tell them that he has the boy, but he might die from something as stupid as a fever.

"Please take care of me…" Cross slows his steps and looks at Allen, at the hand that's clutching his shirt.

_You really are an idiot to do this to yourself…_

"Yeah, I will…" The boy leans against his chest and closes his eyes. He wants to fall asleep but every time he shuts his eyes he feels like he's falling again, like the arms that are holding him right now will vanish and he'll drop. He's terrified of waking up in that small room again, of hearing that lock click open, of having to step back out into the hall.

Allen pulls his eyes open, panting. His head feels heavy and he feels like he's going to be sick. He pushes against the chest he's leaning against, pushes away from Cross till his feet hit the ground and he is standing.

Only his legs give way and he falls, crumples to the ground, his body hidden underneath the all too large jacket.

"You have a fever, you need to get in bed." Cross speaks in a firm voice, reaching down to pick Allen up. It's now that the boy realizes they're no longer outside, that his feet are not freezing as they touch the ground. The red-haired man takes hold of Allen's arms, lifting him up off the carpet.

"Wh-where are we…?" The smaller males voice is a little slurred, telling Cross that he's right to suspect that the boy had started to fall asleep in his arms.

"In the hotel room I've rented." Allen stares at the cream colored carpet he's being lifted from. His head feels heavy and he doesn't understand why. His stomach hurts, his body aches and he can't seem to think straight. He can feel the large hands that were on his arms lift him up again.

"You need to sleep." Cross tries to steady the boy, but decides that carrying him would be best. He moves him across the brightly lit room and over to the large bed.

"You're sick, so you need to rest." Allen reaches up and grabs hold of the man's shirt, tries to pull him down, to keep him there.

"I doan understand, Master…" Cross frowns lightly and adjusts Allen's place on the bed so that he can sit on the edge.

"It's okay, you'll understand soon enough…"

_And all they can do is hope that he does_

Next Chapter is: Hold me, Please

~Lafy


	9. Hold me, Please

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this, it WOULD NOT be posted here, it would rather be published and in book form… that being said, I do not own the people in this fic…though I REALLY would love to have a Kanda…

**Warning:** nada

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Hold me, Please**_~

Komui hasn't been awake for very long.

Actually he hasn't been up for more than five minutes. His face is still lying on the desk, and he knows that his neck is going to hurt when he moves. His neck and his back… He waits a little bit, waits for the rest of his body to wake up before sitting up, silently cursing himself for having fallen asleep at his desk once more.

The Asian man blinks a few times, peeling a piece of paper stuck to his face off before leaning back in his chair. His back cracks just enough to dull the ache in it but not enough to eliminate the pain. Komui hunches forward, blinking again before realizing that he's missing his glasses.

He scans his desktop knowing that they can't be far, since he's pretty sure he fell asleep with them on. He spots them sitting next to a cup of coffee he doesn't remember receiving. The Asian man puts them on and sets the new file sitting on his desk to the side, in his work-to-be-done pile. He picks the mug up and stares at it, swirling the liquid around a few times.

The Asian man decides that it probably won't kill him and takes a sip…

…only to spit it right back out.

There's a light knock on his door and he sets the offending liquid down, calling for the person to enter. Komui smiles brightly upon seeing his sister walk into the room, tray under her arm and a steaming mug in her hand.

"I thought you might need some coffee seeing as its morning now…" Linalee shuts the door behind her and heads over to her brother. She moves to hand him the cup, but notices the one sitting on his desk already. "Someone brought you some already?"

The Asian man pouts as his sister holds the coffee just out of arms' length. "It was here when I woke up. You didn't bring it, did you?"

The female shakes her head as she hands the cup to her brother. "No, I woke up not long ago…"

Komui takes a large gulp from the mug, reveling in the taste that only his sister seems to be able to make.

"Lavi must have brought it last night…" The female picks the old coffee up and looks at the liquid.

"That's what I thought…" Komui sets the fresh cup down and exhales slowly. For a moment there's silence in the room, and Linalee knows better than to disturb it. She can see that her brother's thinking, though she isn't sure what's worrying him at the moment. The girl feels her chest tighten as she wonders if it has to do with Allen.

"Brother, when is Lavi going to leave to get Allen…?" Her question is soft, and she's nervous for a moment, nervous because the answer will tell her how much longer she has to wait to see him.

"Once Cross calls and tells me he has him." The Asian man shifts in his seat looking over at the files he has yet to work on.

"And when will that be?"

"I'm not sure…" Linalee frowns lightly before looking over at the clock on the wall.

"I'm going to get breakfast, would you like me to bring some back for you?" Komui plasters a smile onto his face, trying to get his sister to stop worrying. "Of course!" The female returns the smile with a little less enthusiasm before turning and heading for the door.

"Oh, and Linalee, can you do me a favor and show Lavi how to make coffee properly?"

xxxxxx

The lights are off and the room's silent, dim as the morning sun rises, trying to fight its way through the curtains. Cross is sitting next to the bed, cigarette in his mouth and a glass of wine in his hand. He's thinking, trying to decide on what he's going to tell Komui when he calls him. He has no intention of doing so until Allen is better, until his fever has gone down some.

The red-haired man looks over at the boy. Allen's lying on the bed, the sheets twisted around his body, sticking to where ever his skin's showing. He's sweating profusely, and it's beginning to worry Cross. He wants to call a doctor but the child's appearance would raise questions that can't be answered easily.

The man exhales around his cigarette before stubbing it out in an ashtray. He stands and removes the damp towel from the boy's forehead. Allen makes a sound and shifts on the bed, his breathing increasing some. Cross is glad that he got him to change clothes before he passed out, glad that he doesn't have to wash the oddly small kimono by hand…

Allen kicks the sheets off again and Cross pulls them back over him. He places the cloth back on his forehead, having soaked it in a bucket of ice water. He leans back in his seat, glances over at his larger exorcist's jacket that's hanging on the back of the door.

He's unsure if he should let the videos of Allen stay in Tim's memory… They were disturbing enough to watch once, and he knows that he's going to have to see them again when Komui extracts Timcanpy's memory.

"I need a drink…" Cross exhales before standing and moving towards the cabinets on the other side of the room. He pulls out a bottle of scotch and a cup before turning around to get some ice from the unused bucket next to the bed.

He drops the bottle though…

And doesn't even care that it hasn't broken…

Allen has kicked the sheets off of himself again, has started to whine in his sleep…

But that's not what's surprised the man - it's that his appearance is changing, that the vines and the moyashi constricting his left arm are slowly retreating. The boy lets out another sound, something akin to a pant, and tilts his head to the side. He's gripping the sheets and withering.

Cross jumps when Allen bends his knees and pulls his legs up a little, the large shirt he's been given to wear riding up. The man hurries over to the bed, pulls the shirt back down, staring at the markings all over the boy's body as they start to undo themselves. He's amazed, amazed at the sight of the markings on Allen's feet as they slowly start to unwind, as they slowly pull down his legs.

Within seconds everything is gone…

…and Allen looks normal again, looks like what he used to…

His breathing slows down and within seconds he doesn't seem as ill as before. The red-haired man reaches over and pulls the damp cloth off the boy, resting the back of his hand against his cheeks and forehead. Cross can't help but feel relieved as he can feel the difference in Allen's body temperature.

xxxxxx

It's hot…too hot…

He feels uncomfortable, like something inside of him is stirring, telling him he needs to _do_ something…

But he can't move, his body feels heavy…

His head's killing him and he can feel a pressure behind his eyes.

He knows he's forgetting something, something all too important, and it's making his chest tight, making his _heart_ ache…

He wants to move, he _needs_ to move, to open his eyes… except… When he does, all he can see is a blurry room and a blurry man.

"Go back to sleep, you need it…" The cloth on his forehead is removed for a moment, returning much cooler than before.

xxxxxx

Cross watches Allen a moment, waiting to see if the boy's going to try and get up. When it looks like he isn't he turns back to the disabled golem in his hand. It's midday already, almost noon. He knows that it's late back at the Order right now, probably after midnight, but that's what he wants…

…to talk to Komui when he knows no one else should be there…

The red-haired man turns Timcanpy on and waits a moment for the creature to power up. The second it happens Tim is fluttering around like mad, barring its fangs every time Cross tries to grab him.

"Don't act like that Tim," Rather than sound angry the man sounds tired and it causes the golden creature to pause in midair. "I need to make a call to the Order, and I'm not going to turn you off again."

Timcanpy seems to puff up, almost as if daring the man to try it, before flying over to the phone in the room. The Golem latches onto the phone cord as Cross picks the phone up. Within seconds, he's connected to the Black Order and the phone's ringing.

xxxxxx

Komui's sitting at his desk, filling out the paperwork that's accumulated over the day. He's trying to ignore the redhead that's lying upside down on the couch reading God knows what. There's a small smile on the teen's lips though, one that the Asian man doesn't want to admit to himself that he likes.

He hasn't seen the young man smile in a long time, just like he hasn't seen his sister smile properly either…until the other day…

He doesn't want to be the reason for their good moods to fall, to be the bearer of bad news. Lavi shifts on the couch, moving to lie on his stomach. He flips a page before Komui looks back at his paperwork.

…The redhead glances over at him quickly…

For a second silence reigns supreme - only to be broken by the phone ringing. The two look over at it before looking up at the clock. Lavi's beside the desk in a flash. They both know that the only one to call this late would be Cross.

"Hello," Komui leans back from his desk, giving Lavi a look of vague annoyance.

"I have him." Cross does not need to say who he is, doesn't need to ask for Komui. He knows the other man's voice well enough, knows that he's expecting this call.

"How is he?" Komui stares at Lavi a moment, at the redhead's eager face, before realizing he's doing so. He turns his chair away from him, to concentrate on the conversation more.

He doesn't get a reply right away, and it worries him.

"How-"

"You'll see when we get there…"

"Tell me now." Komui doesn't want to have a surprise coming to him. He wants to be prepared, wants to prepare his sister and Lavi for what the boy's like now. The Asian man can hear the other sigh over the line and he knows that something bad has happened.

"He's had his memories blocked… or removed, I'm not sure which."

"Amnesia…" Komui exhales the word, forgetting that Lavi's next to him. He looks over at the redhead instantly regretting it, the teen's face has gone blank.

"Forced amnesia, Tim has… the recording of before it happened… along with other _things_…"

"Things…?" They way Cross says the word, the way it drips from his mouth with nothing less than pure loathing worries Komui more than anything. He turns his chair completely around so that his back is facing Lavi now.

"What happened?"

"I'm going to be getting on a train in a little while when Allen wakes up. We'll be heading towards the Order as soon as possible…"

"Cross, what happened?" Komui's demanding an answer now, though he doubts he's going to get it. If the General doesn't want to answer then he won't…

"You'll see…" The line goes dead, and the man feels his heart sink. He knows what that place is like, knows what happens there. He has a good idea on what's happened to Allen…

"Lavi…" The redhead perks up as the other turns around in his seat. "Get ready to leave in the morning-"

"Can we leave now?" Komui swallows, unable to figure out why he cannot deny the younger male his request.

"All right…"

xxxxxx

Allen can feel his body being pulled upright, can feel the large shirt he has been given to wear being removed. He opens his eyes, tries to at least, only to see a blurry version of Cross.

"…Ma…ster…?" It's hard to speak, to think straight. His arm is lifted and he can feel it being put into a sleeve. It takes him a moment to realize that he's being dressed, being put back into his kimono.

Allen's pulled to his feet, supported solely by a pair of strong hands as the kimono is wrapped around him. He blinks, trying to get the room into focus, or to at least keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds. The boy is set back onto the edge of the bed, the obi being wrapped tightly around his torso, holding the robe shut.

Cross leans over Allen, the child's face coming in contact with his chest as he ties the obi in a large bow, something that will hold the kimono shut. He pauses when he feels smaller hands grasp his shirt, hanging onto the cloth gently.

"Master…wha's-"

"We're leaving today." The red-haired man glances over at the window, at the sun as it starts to go down, to create the long shadows at the end of a day. He moves away from the half-awake boy and pulls a pair of socks out of his suit case. Cross knows that he needs to cover Allen's feet, that he should give him shoes to wear, except that he has no money to go and buy some.

He pulls the socks up the boy's legs, as far as they can go, before putting another pair over them. He picks his exorcist's jacket up from the bed and pulls the child's arms through the too large sleeves.

"You can go back to sleep." The man buttons the jacket up and pulls the hood over Allen's head. He's instantly submerged in darkness with a scent that seems to relax him, that calms his senses. Cross shuts his suitcase and latches it. He picks Allen up, holding onto him like he would a small child, letting his head rest against his shoulder and his legs rest at his sides.

He uses his free hand to pick the suitcase up and place it in the one that is mainly supporting Allen. Cross glances around the room one last time before feeling Timcanpy settle atop his hat. He tosses the keys onto the bed and leaves the room unlocked.

xxxxxx

The air outside is cold, nipping at Allen's uncovered skin. He tightens his grip on the red-haired man as he's carried somewhere. He wants to look up, to see where they are but part of him is scared, terrified at what he might see, at angering his… _Master_…

He's tired though, tired despite the trickle of fear that's flowing through his body - tired because he's weak, because he still has a fever. The movement stops as Cross waits for a carriage to pass. One of the arms that are holding him up is moved and within seconds Allen can smell smoke.

The scent jars his nerves, causing him to tense up. The man can feel it and lowers the cigarette from his mouth. He can cross the street now but he decides not to.

"Something wrong?" His voice is calm, soft, yet the boy can feel it vibrate through his chest, can feel it wash over his entire body.

"No-nothing…Master…" Allen whispers, timid, afraid that he wasn't supposed to speak yet. Cross says nothing, making him feel like he has done something wrong.

"…I'm sorry…"

"It's not you, I'm just thinking about how I'm going to carry you along with something else."

"I can walk."

"No." The answer is nearly a demand, said with enough force that the boy's body goes stiff again. The scent of smoke fills Allen's nostrils for a second before being blown away with a strong gust of wind. "You have no shoes, and there's ice and snow on the ground."

Cross starts to walk again, crossing the street quickly.

xxxxxx

His body feels numb, cold, yet he feels all too hot at the same time.

He's been sitting on a bench - the large exorcist's jacket pulled tightly around his body - for what feels like forever. He was told to stay, that his Master will come back in few moments, but it's been so long now.

He feels like he has been abandoned…

And something in the back of his mind tells him that this feeling, this sensation, is not new…

His lower back burns.

Another strong gust of wind blows by, stinging his skin, making him shiver more noticeably. He doesn't know where he is, doesn't know what the world is like, doesn't even remember if it's round, flat or oval. All he knows is that he's cold, and that he wants his Master to come back.

He wants him to pick him up and carry him like before…

He wants to be held and to not have any lust behind those actions…

xxxxxx

The view is dull, meaningless, and all Lavi can do is wish that the train moved faster, wish that he was allowed to use his hammer to travel. He knows that he can't, and that's why he hasn't asked. That's why he's permitted himself to sit there and stare out the window at the scenery that blurs by.

Bookman's across from him, reading something, a newspaper he picked up on his way to the train. He has said nothing to his apprentice, nothing to the young man since they left the Order. He knows that he shouldn't say anything yet, that his student doesn't seem to have noticed himself.

Lavi shifts in his seat, anxious, uncomfortable with the moment. He feels stiff and restless. He's normally not this bad with Bookman. The train starts to slow down as they enter a town, another one on the way to Allen.

They slow to a stop, at the train station, and Lavi sits up a little more looking out the window, at all of the people. None of them are the ones he wants to see, is the one that Linalee has been crying herself to sleep over.

Within moments the train lurches forward and continues on, slowly gaining speed but not really taking off, not until they're out of the town. The redhead shifts in his seat, wondering how Linalee's doing, wondering if she's handing coffee out to everyone in the Science Department…

…to Komui…

Lavi closes his eyes and leans against the window, trying to figure out just _why_ the Asian man had agreed to letting him leave that night, had said yes to him.

"Stop thinking." Bookman's words cut through Lavi's jumbled mind, causing the young man to snap his eyes open.

"Ah, but Panda, you know if I do that then you won't have an apprentice anymore!" It's a nice attempt at how he used to act, at his past mannerisms, but it's dulled, something that doesn't feel _right_ at the moment. Bookman gives the redhead a look that tells him to shut up, before handing him a newspaper.

"Study it, you need to know what's happening right now."

xxxxxx

He's drifting in and out of consciousness.

His body is numb now…

But…

He is moving…

Master has come back for him. Has picked him up, and is carrying him with one arm. Allen does not remember the man returning, does not remember the extra jacket being pulled over his small frame, does not remember being lifted.

All he knows is that he can smell smoke, can feel the large hand that is holding him up, can feel the chest he is leaning against moving up and down slowly…

…So evenly…

And there is that heartbeat, the steady heartbeat that's lulling him back into a dreamless sleep…

Allen can hear muffled voices, talking, two men. For once he doesn't care though, he doesn't feel threatened, doesn't feel scared. He feels safe in these arms, and he likes that, but something is missing.

The something that makes his chest hurt, that makes his head spin, that makes his lower back burn as he tries to understand the sensations, understand the intense pain that sits in the bottom of his stomach, the overwhelming need to cry.

The air around him changes as he vaguely registers a step up, into something. The air is warm, comforting, but loud. He's calling his mind back to the surface, back from the dazed and pleasant land he's been in.

Allen pulls himself together as he's set down on something soft and plush. He has to blink his eyes a few times to regain his vision beneath the hood. He hears something heavy being set down across the small room before the seat he's on shifts under the weight of someone else.

The boy looks up, glances at the large…_Object_…on the other side of the compartment. It's something he has no memory of, something that makes his lower back ache. He turns his attention to the red-haired man and watches as he pulls a cigarette out and lights it. Cross takes notice of the sleepy eyes and lowers the cigarette from his lips after its lit.

"You're awake? You should just go back to sleep…" Allen stares at the man, his eyes drifting towards the window.

"…But…it's night _Master_…" His voice is timid, as he's unsure of speaking, unsure of what the man wants him to be like.

"And night is when people sleep. Which you need to, you are still a little feverish." Cross frowns lightly after his statement, hating that it took him longer then he had hoped to dispose of the Akuma in the area, longer then he had wanted it to take to get to Maria's Grave.

The stillness in the compartment is broken only by the sounds of the train as it starts to move, slowly lurching forward as it heads off towards the darkening horizon. Allen's looking down at the ground, at the socks covering his feet, which he's starting to be able to feel again.

"Master… wants me…to sleep?" He looks over at Cross, who has cracked the window just enough to let the smoke out. The man nods, knowing that it's going to be a long train ride, that by the time they get to Bookman and Lavi, he will be at his limit.

"Yes, and you can sleep wherever you want in here." He's met with more silence, and the air in the compartment becomes oddly thick. He glances over at the boy, who has pulled the hood on his head back just enough so that he can see.

"Does Master really mean that?" Cross frowns at the expression he's being given, at such simple joy that's exploding behind Allen's eyes.

"Yes," he replies, unable to deny the fact that he feels uncomfortable when such a look is being directed at him. He takes a drag off his cigarette and exhales slowly, the smoke being pulled out the window almost instantly. Cross can still feel eyes on him, can still feel the uncertainty behind them. He takes his hat off and sets it on the seat across from him.

"Go on, just lie down…" The man closes his eyes, trying to block reality out for just a second, only…

Only to suddenly feel a weight settle onto his lap.

"What are you doing?"

"Master said I could lie where I wanted, and I want to be here…" There is a faint color in the boy's cheeks and it only serves to remind the man that Allen still has a fever, still isn't quite well.

And he feels guilty for having left him alone and outside for so long.

"Fine, just sleep." Allen pulls the hood over his eyes again, darkening his vision before leaning forward and resting his head against Cross' chest, his ear against his heart.

_And he prays silently to himself, that this man will not leave him_

Next chapter is Fear of Faith

~Lafy


	10. Fear of Faith

**Disclaimer: **The creator of DGM is not me, if I were Kanda would be in leather pants and topless almost all the time…

**Warning: **Mild kissing…

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Fear of Faith**_~

The window was shut a long time ago, and the room has started to warm up. Allen's still sitting on Cross, still lying against him. His feet are bare once again, and he is dressed only in his kimono and the all too large exorcist jacket.

Cross wants to move, to stand and find out just where they are right now. He doesn't though, only because the boy's breathing is even, calm, telling him that he's asleep, has been for about an hour. Timcanpy flutters about the room, enjoying the fact that he hasn't been shut off again.

The red-haired general shifts in his seat, just a little, enough to bring feeling back into his legs. He finds himself staring out the window again, gently rubbing Allen's back.

The boy is an idiot, but what he's doing makes him an even bigger one…

xxxxxx

Komui's lying on his couch. The floor of his office is clean again, has been swept for the third time that day. He's finished his work that morning, before noon even, and has spent the rest of the day trying to occupy himself. He's anxious, almost as much as Linalee, but for another reason, for another _person_.

The Asian man closes his eyes, a notebook on the floor next to him. He was trying to think of something useful to make, trying not to create something for fun once again. He's done that one too many times as of late.

The glass windows of the ceiling rattle gently as a strong breeze rushes past the building. Komui stares up at the night sky, at the frost covered glass and shivers a little, not because he's cold, but because of the thought of being cold. The phone on his desk rings and he looks at it, deciding on whether to answer or not.

He does, because he knows that he has to, that it's his job…

…And because he's hoping it's Lavi, reporting on where he and Bookman are.

"Hello." Komui flops down in his seat at his desk.

"Hi," Lavi's voice fills his ear and for a moment the Asian man has a thought, one that he shoves back instantly, ignores the second it has appeared. "We're almost there, eight more hours and we'll have Allen back…" There's a note of suppressed excitement in his voice, of an eagerness akin to that of a child's.

"That's good…" Komui's voice trails off and he leans back in his seat. "Cross is going to put Allen into your care before leaving…"

"He's not coming back to the Order?" Lavi doesn't sound surprised but the older man can feel the underlying emotion through the phone.

"No, once he switches trains he's only going to be there till you and Bookman arrive, he's getting off at the next stop after that." Komui removes his glasses after glancing at the clock. It's starting to get late and his mind's starting to wander into dangerous territory. "I shouldn't have let you go before talking to you about this…"

There's a silence in the room and Komui momentarily thinks that Lavi's golem has cut out, that he's lost the connection. "Why… why did you let me?" The redhead's voice is softer than before, nervous almost and it makes the man nervous as well, the only difference is that he knows _why_. Komui clears his throat, trying to calm himself so that he doesn't have to explain, so that he can talk without his voice wavering.

"We need to get Allen back." He's entering denial, they both are.

Denial about what's happening.

Denial about what _has_ happened,

Denial about what's going to happen…

"If we don't…" The Asian man closes his eyes, leans back in his chair and tries not to think, tries not to know what _could_ have happened. He shakes his head before finishing his thought. "Never mind, Cross is with him." It's Lavi's turn to be silent, to take in and try to comprehend what has been said. His mind is slow, slower than it should be for an apprentice Bookman…

"…You're worried about the Noah attacking?"

"I can't talk about this right now, not over the phone." There's a sound in the background, over the phone and Komui knows that Bookman is there, checking on Lavi. The Asian man can hear the two talking, almost able to make out what they're saying.

"Call back later, give an update once you have him." The redhead gives a quick reply before the line goes dead. Komui hangs the phone up, staring at it, wondering just where Cross is with Allen right now. He has a feeling that the general knows, probably more than he thinks, and the feeling is unnerving.

He still wants to pretend that it was an accident that Allen got sent to the Circus of Night…

xxxxxx

Hands grasp tightly at his white shirt, pulling the cloth up, bunching it.

Cross looks down at Allen, at the boy that's been asleep for quite some time now. The sky's dark, the sun no longer visible, its light no longer lingering on their part of the world. He's worried about Allen's fever. Worried because the boy's breathing has picked up some, has been heavy for quite some time now.

He can feel the heat the small body is pouring off, can feel the increased temperature, and he prays that it doesn't mean the child has gotten worse. Cross removes his hand from the small of Allen's back and pulls a cigarette out of the pack that has been sitting next to him. The boy makes a sound and he realizes something, realizes that Allen's awake.

The red-haired man holds the cigarette between his fingers, unlit as he decides on what to say.

"Allen, how are you feeling?" The boy tenses in his lap, leans farther into his chest. He's nervous, trembling some.

"Master…it… it hurts…" His voice wavers lightly, pained and Cross frowns deeply.

"What hurts?"

"My…back…my shoulder blades…" The hands buried in his shirt tighten even more, to such a point that Allen's knuckles turn white.

"Your back?" The man repeats, trying to think of a reason as to why. It's then that a sound escapes the other, a pained sound that Cross can't ignore.

"You need to take the jacket off, or lower it enough so that I can see your back." For a moment Allen doesn't move, his grip on the shirt lessens some and a second later he's lowering his hands. Cross waits patiently as the boy removes the hood, as his pale colorless hair comes into view.

The room's filled with a scent almost instantly, one that grows stronger, more apparent as Allen reveals his body. He lowers the large jacket down past his shoulders and leans into the large chest before him, holding tightly to the shirt once more.

Cross can feel the body tremble a little and it worries him. He raises his hands and sets them on Allen's shoulders, trying to think of someway to comfort him. He's surprised though, because for a moment the smaller body stills, before the shaking starts again. The red-haired man gives a gentle squeeze to the small shoulders that barely fill his hands.

He moves his hands down some, pulling the kimono with them until the Obi stops the movement. Cross can see it easily then, can see the raised red skin on Allen's back, on his shoulder blades. He moves his hand, the one that's still holding the unlit cigarette, around Allen's waist and pulls the boy closer to his body.

Allen's still shaking, still trembling some, but the arm around him is comforting and oddly warm, easing his mind. There's a sudden pain in his back, another spike, one that causes him to gasp. Cross frowns and uses his free hand to gently touch the raised skin.

Another sound escapes the boy, tears coming into his eyes. It's in the moment that it happens, that the skin tears and a clear fluid spills out. The man watches as the strange leaf like wings emerge, watches as they rip the skin farther apart. He holds on tighter to Allen, feeling the hands in his shirt.

"Master…it hurts…" The voice is small and it pains Cross to hear the boy, who in the past would never have admitted such a thing, sound so helpless.

"I know…" He closes his eyes, resting his head against Allen's, the strange scent filling the room, oddly calming him.

xxxxxx

Silence fills the room, broken only by heavy breathing.

Cross is rubbing Allen's lower back, trying to calm him, comfort him. He's watched the changes happen, has watched the wings appear, has watched the vines and moyashi creep out of the tears in his skin. He knows now that this is something that will happen every night, something that the boy will have to endure when the sun goes down.

He doesn't know if he will have to suffer each night, though.

"Does it still hurt?" Cross's voice is rough, causing Allen's body to stiffen at the sudden break in silence. The child had been on the verge of falling asleep again, exhausted from the pain.

"Not…as badly…"

"You should lie down."

"I want to stay like this… I want to be close to Master." Cross is unsure of what to make of the words, though he wants to stand, figure out just where Tim went. He's thinking about erasing Tim's memory again.

"I need to make a phone call." The man moves to stand, forcing Allen to move to the side. The boy looks up at him, removing the hood so that he can see. Cross smells that scent again, almost instantly. It's the same scent from before. He tries to think of what it is, of where it's coming from.

It smells like a mix of honey, almonds and vanilla…

For a moment the man has a thought, one he doesn't understand, one that causes his blood flow to shift. He stares at Allen as the boy says something. Cross watches his lips move, his mind barely registering what is being said.

"…Master…?" Allen stands, moving towards the general. "Are you okay?" He looks away, the sway of the train forcing him to take a step back. He feels like he's slowing down, like his mind is being numbed. Cross closes his eyes, trying to understand the sudden sensations.

Allen takes a step forward, placing his hands on the man's chest, his time spent with the Circus apparent in his every move. The sudden contact sets Cross's skin on fire and he realizes what's happening, realizes what the scent is doing to him.

"I'll be back in a little bit. Don't let anyone but me in the room." Allen is suddenly left alone, feeling like he has done something wrong.

xxxxxx

Rhode is standing below a tree.

It's snowing out, and the ground is covered in a thick white blanket. She's dressed in a gothic lolita dress, a black cape covering her shoulders, both decorated in white lace. She's waiting for her uncle, for Tyki to show up. He's late, as she expected.

His absence does not bother her because she's amused.

She's watching an exorcist fight with some Akuma.

She's watching _Kanda_ fight the Akuma.

Rhode looks up at the sky, at the clouds that are swirling above her. There's a sound behind her but she ignores it. She knows that it's Tyki, making his way through the thick snow to the top of the hill she's on.

"The snow kept me," He sounds annoyed, Rhode guesses it's from the meeting place.

"It's not him, so it's fine…" The female's voice is half amused, mirth filling her eyes.

"How do you know?" Tyki's dressed in his proper clothes, a thick jacket covering his upper body.

"His hands…" Rhode smiles at this, her eyes observant of every move the Japanese man makes below her. Tyki gives his niece a look of disbelief. She turns to look at him, a large smile on her face before finishing her sentence. "That one has large hands but they're not nimble. The 14th plays the piano, he has to have nimble fingers and quick hands…"

xxxxxx

Komui's dreaming in his office.

He's asleep on his couch, the phone pulled over next to him, placed on the floor. He was waiting for Lavi to call, to tell him that Allen's with him when he fell asleep. The dream he's having is strange, surreal, something he's going to scold himself about later.

A sound jolts his senses, waking him just a little, enough to have slight control over his thoughts. Komui shifts on the couch. His heart rate jumps as the sound happens again. He vaguely realizes the phone is ringing now and he pulls his eyes open.

He's amazed at where his subconscious has gone, amazed at what he was dreaming about, too shocked to realize what had woken him up. The phone rings, again, startling Komui. The Asian man reaches over and picks the receiver up, hoping now that it isn't Lavi.

"Hello?" The Asian man clears his throat, trying to push his thoughts back.

"You need to create something to counteract a scent." Cross's voice is clear in his ear causing him to fall back onto the couch, oddly relieved.

"A scent?" He asks closing his eyes to the blurred room.

"Allen emits a scent that intoxicates others." For a moment nothing is said. There's a silence over the phone and Komui finds himself starting to drift back to sleep.

"Cross?" He says after a moment, pulling his eyes back open. "What do you mean?" He leans over the edge of the couch and fumbles blindly for his glasses a moment before finding them.

"The scent he emits intoxicates others. It's part of something the Circus did to him."

"Part of?" Komui frowns outwardly, knowing the ethereal changes that people undergo there. "What does he look like at night?"

"You'll see when he gets there."

"Is it bad?"

"…It's…" Cross exhales through the phone. He sounds unsure to Komui, indecisive of what to say.

"…It's okay, I'll see him soon right?"

"Yeah, we're almost to the train station…"

"Then I need to get off the phone, Lavi and Bookman should be there soon, too…"

xxxxxx

The door slides open and Cross walks back into the compartment.

Allen's covered again in his jacket, huddled up on the seat. His legs are pulled up to his chest in a fetal position. The boy doesn't move when the door opens, doesn't acknowledge Cross's presence until he speaks.

"Does your back still hurt?" His voice is gruff sounding, and his throat's dry. Allen shakes his head lightly, moving as little as possible. The speed of the train seems to slow, and lights began to flash past the window. Cross moves to pick up his suitcase and set it next to Maria's Grave. Timcanpy is fluttering about the room, excited for the change of scenery to come.

The train slows some more and the general stands before Allen. He moves to help the boy stand and when he does, Allen looks up at him from beneath the hood. His eyes are covered but his cheeks and bright red lips are visible. Cross feels a desire to press his own against them creep up his spine. He pushes the thought back down as Allen speaks softly.

"Does Master hate me?"

"Why would you ask that?" The man blinks, surprised at the question.

"You…you ran from me when I touched you…is it bad to touch you?" He frowns at the statement, at the question. Cross closes his eyes, trying to think of something to say, of how he can explain himself. The scent is still in the room, is affecting him again, though it is faint now. Cross clears his throat and leans down, kissing Allen on the cheek gently.

"No, I just had something that needed done then." His voice is soft, calming, and the boy can feel it flow through his body, causing him to tingle strangely. The man stands up, looking over at the window, trying to ignore the odd emotion growing in his chest, the lust that's rising in response to the scent…

The scent that's floating about the room – that's being emitted from Allen…

The boy moves to his knees, so that he's closer in height to Cross. He places his hands on the man's chest, drawing his attention back to him.

"Will Master use me now?"

Cross stares down at Allen, his eyes wide as he wishes that he had not said that, wishes that he means something else. He clears his throat, "What?" And prays that he has heard wrong.

"Will Master use my body now? May I please you?" For a moment Cross feels his mind shut off and his body reacts.

He cannot deny that Allen is attractive for a boy…

He cannot deny that having someone, anyone, ask to please him is a turn-on…

He cannot deny having someone willing to do anything he says is arousing…

He cannot deny that the train is coming to a stop and he is kissing Allen heatedly, that the boy's pressed against the back of the seat with him between his legs.

Cross feels something hit the back of his head and he's reminded of Timcanpy, reminded that the train's going to be taking off again soon. He pulls himself back together, regretting his loss of control already, scolding himself mentally. Allen stares at the man, his lips red and bruised looking, wondering why he has stopped.

"We need to switch trains." The general's voice is husky sounding, still laced with the suppressed desire. He straightens the boy's kimono and wraps his jacket tighter around his small frame before picking him up with one arm. Cross grabs his suit case and Maria's grave before leaving the compartment.

xxxxxx

It's cold out, freezing, below freezing, and it's starting to snow. Lavi's sitting on a bench and Bookman's next to him. They're waiting for a train, waiting for the train that Cross and Allen have boarded. They have been waiting for close to thirty minutes and will be waiting even longer.

Bookman's reading another paper, one that had been left out on the bench. It's from the previous day and appears interesting, though Lavi's mind is somewhere else. He's staring off at the empty tracks, at the empty platform they're sitting on.

He's thinking about Allen, about what state of mind he'll be in, about his health. The redhead's worried, and he knows it. He knows that he isn't supposed to be, that his current persona is just that, a current one…

But he can't help but feel nervous about what's happened.

Lavi closes his eyes against the cold, trying to stop his thoughts and to quell his anxiety. His mind's running in a million directions and it does nothing for his nerves. He's thinking too many things at once, too many things that involve others he shouldn't really care about.

He wants to call Komui again, to get some reassurance that Allen's fine…

xxxxxx

Allen's content, _happy_ feeling…

The emotion's strange to him, new, something he feels like he has never felt before. He wants to say he knows what it's like to feel happy, to be loved, yet the part of his mind that's an empty void tells him he has never been. The gentle rocking motion of the train's calming, relaxing.

Allen's starting to fall asleep. He's curled up in Cross's lap and the man's hands are around his waist, holding him still. They have been on the new train for less than an hour and nothing has happened. Timcanpy's sitting atop the man's red hair, having given up on trying to crawl inside Allen's hood.

"…Master…?" The boy's voice is soft, low enough that Cross guesses he's almost asleep.

"What?" He keeps his voice low, so as to not really disturb him.

"There is…something…in my mind…"

"In your mind?" Cross glances down at the boy in his lap, at his feet that are decorated strangely sitting on the seat beside him. His eyes follow the pattern, the design before they are pulled back to Allen as he says something else.

"In the empty part…"

"What is it?" Cross is genuinely curious.

"_Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray dear lord my soul you'll keep, may you watch me through the night, and wake me with the morning light…"_

"It's a bedtime prayer, I'm surprised you remembered it…"

"…Is that good?" Allen's voice is uneasy, causing Cross to wonder why.

"You used to say it a lot when you were younger…"

"Was I happy then?"

"For the most part." There's something in the boy's voice that makes the man frown, something in the way he's speaking, in the way he recited the prayer that worries him.

"…Then why does the prayer make me want to cry…?" Cross is silent, unsure of what to say. He doesn't understand how he should respond, how to comfort the boy. He was never good with doing so in the past.

"Don't worry about it, just go to sleep…"

xxxxxx

Cross's silent and Allen's asleep.

The compartment the two are in is warm and well lit. Allen's covered completely by the general's exorcist jacket and his scent, the one that seems to stop proper thought, is covered, hidden beneath the large coat.

The boy's still in his lap, for the most part. He's lying on the seat, across the plush cushions, his head against his leg. Cross is contemplating having a cigarette, maybe even a glass of wine, though he knows that would be bad, to dilute his cognitive thought with someone so _willing_ nearby…

The man shakes the thought from his mind, dislodging the images that were starting to settle in. He quickly thinks of something else, to occupy him. He wonders how long they have been on the train…

Cross realizes that it has been well over an hour and that Lavi and Bookman are due to show up soon.

He closes his eyes, thinking about how he was to leave once they had arrived. For a moment he thinks about it, about leaving Allen in their care…he won't though, he knows that. He cares too much for the _child_ to leave him, cares more than he wants to admit.

Cross looks over at the window, at the night that rushes past. He's unable to see out, unable to see the world that flows by, until he realizes that the train is starting to slow down. The man closes his eyes, counts the seconds that it takes for it to come to a complete stop…

…and then the five minutes before they start to move again…

The minute between the time the train has stopped and the time someone knocks on the door seems to stretch on forever and Cross is undeniably worried, anxious. He's anxious because of the state Allen's in, because of how the boy acts, because of how he is so…_different_…so…sad…

"Come in…" Cross speaks in a voice that is firm, not loud, so that he is heard outside of the room, yet he does not wake Allen. The door slides open and Lavi appears in the doorway with Bookman at his side. The younger male seems stunned for a moment, shocked at the sight of Allen covered in the General's jacket, of him lying down in such a position with the man.

"Allen?" Lavi's voice is loud and it seems to wake the other almost instantly. Cross is suddenly annoyed at the younger male and he isn't sure why. Allen sits up on the seat and glances around the room briefly, at the two new occupants.

"Master…who are they…?" Before Cross has a chance to say anything he is cut off by Lavi saying the boy's name again, cut off by him reaching over and suddenly pulling Allen up to hug him…

It's in that moment that Lavi is shoved back, that Allen shouts and scrambles away from him, tripping over the all-too-large jacket. The hood is yanked off briefly only to be thrown back over his head by a vine covered hand.

It's too late though, Lavi and Bookman have seen it, have seen the flower petals in his hair, the vines and moyashi that creep up his face and cover the scar Mana has left on him, have smelt the strange scent for just a second…

Cross pulls the boy back, so that he's sitting sideways on his lap. He's amazed at how he's shaking, at the tone of his voice as he repeats over and over again into the room…

"Don't use me…"

"They won't, I promise…" The red-haired man speaks softly, close to Allen's ear, promising the boy that no one will touch him…

_And he has no clue of impact his words will have_

Next chapter will be called You, Who I know Not

(Holy fuck do I never sleep anymore? Went to bed at 5 am randomly woke up at 7 am)

~Lafy


	11. You, Who I Know Not

**Disclaimer: **I hold no rights to -Man… if I did…Kanda would never wear underwear :3

**Warning: **Nada

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**You, Who I Know Not**_~

The compartment is silent.

Allen's sitting on Cross's lap and Lavi is staring at them. He's unsure of what to think, unsure of how to feel at the moment. He knows that in the past he would have asked, would have done _something_ other than stare…but…

All he can think of at the moment is that he wants to call Komui and tell him that something's seriously wrong with Allen…

The boy shifts, mutters something to Cross. Lavi watches the man's hand move, watches as he rubs Allen's lower back. It's then that he stands abruptly, then that he feels like he needs his reality to be grounded.

"Where are you going?" Bookman sounds a little annoyed as the younger male moves to the door.

"I promised Komui that I'd call him when we got Allen…" He opens the door and leaves the small room quickly.

xxxxxx

Komui's signing papers on his desk. Reever is standing over him, waiting for him to finish. He knows that he doesn't need to watch the man to make sure he does it, though he's doing so out of an old habit he can't break.

He's noticed that the man's behavior has changed over the past week, has noticed that something's happening that he doesn't know about.

"Komui-" The phone rings abruptly stopping the man's sentence. The Asian looks up, stares at Reever a moment before answering the phone.

"Hello?"

"It's me…" Lavi's voice floats through the receiver and the other male notes the sudden relaxation in his face. Komui looks up at Reever, silently asking him to leave. The man raises an eyebrow in response before doing so.

"You have Allen now?"

"Ah…yes…" Lavi's voice sounds hesitant, unsure and it unnerves the older male. "Cross is still with us right now, we haven't reached the next stop yet…" Komui closes his eyes, relieved to know that nothing bad has happened.

"How is Allen?" The next question is met with silence, something that unnerves the man to no end. "Lavi." His voice sounds stern to the young male, prompting him to reply.

"Something's wrong with him…"

"Does he look odd?"

"I expected that…it's…" Lavi exhales through the phone, his sentence falling flat as he tries to think of how to describe what he has seen. "Allen hated Cross before, you remember that right?"

"…"

"Now…it's…it's like he can't breathe without him…" The redhead's voice sounds pained and it worries Komui, makes his chest ache.

"Breathe?" The Asian man repeats the others words, trying to understand what he means.

"Allen clings to Cross, he sits on his lap, he freaked out when I went to hug him, like I always did-"

"Lavi." Komui stops the other, demanding him to get a hold of himself, to remember that he isn't really supposed to _care_. "Try not to worry too much about it. We'll figure out how to help him when you get here."

The younger male exhales through the phone. He sounds exhausted and Komui wonders how much of a toll all of this is taking on his mind. He wants to say something, wants to reassure the other that everything is fine…but he knows that it might not be, that something isn't _right_ about all of this.

"Lavi…" Komui pauses, unsure of what to say, of what is actually going on. "Try not to forget that Cross is like Allen's second father-"

"He was rubbing his _back_!" The redhead snaps, and he isn't sure why. He knows what he has seen, knows that Cross isn't being fatherly to his friend, though he isn't sure how to say it, to put it into words for the other to understand.

"Lavi, parents will do that if their child is having trouble sleeping..."

"No, it's not like that Komui!" Lavi does not shout, but is voice is loud, showing his emotions to the other clearly. The Asian man frowns on his side of the phone, unsure of what to say, of what _exactly_ the other is implying…

Komui knows, understands somewhat, but not to what extent…

"Lavi…" The others silence worries him some, causes his stomach to turn just a little. "Say something if it makes you that uncomfortable…"

"I can't." The redhead's voice sounds strained and Komui wonders if the other is frustrated to the point of tears.

"…Why not?"

"Because, I'm not supposed to _care_!" Komui has to lean back in his seat, has to try and collect his thoughts. He isn't sure what the young man is referring to, why it would matter if he said something in front of Bookman.

"Do you love Allen?"

"I don't know, I think I do, but not in the way that means I want to kiss him." Lavi pauses, trying to collect his thoughts, to say what he really means. "He's…he's something that I want to protect and take care of…something that's a product of this war…" Komui closes his eyes, feeling uncertain of everything again.

"You don't know how true that is…" his voice is soft and the sentence is something of a spoken thought, one that the other is not meant to hear.

"Komui what do you mean…?"

xxxxxx

The door slides open and Lavi takes his seat next to Bookman.

Allen is leaning against Cross, asleep against his chest, his body pulled up and compacted as much as possible. He wants to say something, to ask Cross _why,_ to understand what is going on in the man's mind…

He doesn't though, doesn't because Bookman hands him something to read, to commit to memory…

xxxxxx

Komui's sitting at his desk again, looking over the new assignments he's to hand out tomorrow, the ones that will send his sister away for a few days, the ones that will keep the others from returning any time soon. He exhales slowly and sets them aside, knowing that something's being planned.

The phone rings and the Asian man jumps a little in surprise, not expecting another call that night, or at least for quite some time. He reaches over and picks the receiver up.

A gruff and annoyed voice fills his ear.

"Where am I going next?" Komui closes his eyes, hating how insistent the man is.

"You need a break." He knows that it's pointless to tell the other that but he still does, because it's true.

"I'm fine, where am I going next?" Kanda's voice sounds exhausted and Komui wonders if his work is getting to him.

"Will you take a break after the next one?"

"…"

"Kanda…"

"I don't need one."

"You do, promise me you'll take a break soon." The younger man makes a sound, one of his that shows his annoyance.

"How long has it been since you've been back here?"

"I don't know." Kanda's voice is starting to sound aggravated. Komui knows that he can press the subject only so much.

"It's been almost five months Kanda."

"And?"

"You need a break, exorcists are supposed to take a break every two months, three at the most…"

"What about the Moyashi?" Komui frowns, unsure what the other is referring to.

"What about Allen?"

"He hasn't been back in almost the same amount of time."

"What makes you say that?" Komui can feel a lump growing in his throat, caused by his own anxiety over the subject.

"The finders talk about it, they gossip like a bunch of damn house wives…"

"What have they said?" Komui leans back in his seat, tries to calm his mind and not think too much.

He doesn't want the whole Order to know what has happened to Allen, where he has been…

"That he's been gone for a long time." Kanda pauses in his sentence and the older male can almost see him scowling. "Has something happened to the idiot?"

"No…everything's fine…" For a moment Komui thinks that Kanda's going to call him out on his lie, ask him what has happened…but…he doesn't.

"Whatever, now where am I going next?"

"Right, so you'll take a break after this assignment?"

xxxxxx

Allen shifts on Cross's lap, moving so that he's lying on his side on the seat, so that his head is on the man's lap and his body is covered completely by the all-too-large jacket. Lavi's leaning hunched over the book he has been given to read, trying to ignore his need to watch Cross and Allen interact.

It happens when he has finally starts to get interested in what he's reading, when he's stopped paying attention to those around him. The train starts to slow down and when it comes to a complete stop no one moves, not even Cross, who is supposed to leave.

"I didn't think you were going to leave him." Bookman speaks in a calm and collected voice, one that tells Lavi he's observing everything and everyone.

"I can't, not with how he is right now, not until I speak with Komui…" Allen shifts on the seat, causing Cross to look down at him, to rub his back some, to show him that he's still there.

"Are you awake?" He speaks to Allen, silently telling Bookman that he's not going to say anything as of right now.

"Yes…" The boy's voice's soft and shakes some, creating an abnormal pain in Lavi's heart.

"We'll be getting off the train in a little while…"

"Where are we going?" Allen doesn't move, and it's strange to the younger redhead, to see his friend behaving so _different_…

"Home…" The word's foreign tasting on Cross's tongue, abnormal for him to think about, to say. In truth he hasn't had a home in several years, not a physical one to speak of, that is. Allen sits up, becoming the center of attention without meaning to, he pulls the hood back, just a little, so that he can see the man clearly.

"Will… I like home?" Lavi stares at his friend, at the vines that are creeping up on his face.

"You should, everyone there likes you." Cross says it even though it might not be true, says it to comfort the other, says it because he can't think of anything else to say. The boy leans towards him, against him.

Lavi frowns lightly as the general looks out the window, so as to not look at the person beside him.

"Master has said something before that I would like to ask about… can I?"

"You don't have to ask." Allen looks down, seeming to take on the appearance of someone being scolded. Cross exhales, his eyes sweeping over Bookman and Lavi a moment. "Go on…"

"You knew me before I came to the Circus right?"

"We all did." Cross gestures towards Lavi and Bookman, whom Allen only glances at. "You were their friend and my student…"

"Then…what was I like…?"

xxxxxx

The train is coming to a stop and Lavi feels nauseous, sick at the sight of how Allen acts, at how he leans into Cross, how he clings to the man. He hates what his friend has become but he hates the man he trusts even more, hates him because he swears that Cross wants to do _something_ to his former student…

Bookman has stood and collected his luggage. He's instructing Lavi to do the same, though he's already doing so. He wants to get off the train, wants to leave the small confined place as soon as possible.

Allen says something, speaks in a voice that is too soft for him to hear. He is staring up at Cross from beneath the hood, his lips slightly apart. Lavi does not understand why everything the boy does now is strangely provocative…

"…Master…?" Bookman opens the compartment door and the younger redhead is vaguely aware of being told to hurry up, of seeing Timcanpy flutter about.

He turns and leaves the room before he does something strange and not like himself…

Before he pulls Allen away from Cross and tells the man no…

xxxxxx

The air outside's cold, and Lavi wants to hurry up and get back to the Order. He needs to talk to Komui, to _someone_… He wants to let his thoughts out, to empty his head a little, to remove the annoying buzz in his ears.

They have been walking along a path for quite some time, Bookman leading the way as Cross has not been to the place the Order has moved to. Allen's clinging to the man and Lavi cannot help but stare. He understands though, understand that the boy is barefoot and for him to walk would be bad.

He does not understand why Allen cannot wear a pair of his shoes though…

A strong gust of wind whips past them causing Lavi to glance up at the sky, at the clouds that are moving towards them. Bookman says something, his voice drowned out by another gust of wind. It doesn't matter though because he knows what he's saying.

A blizzard is moving in on them and they need to hurry…

xxxxxx

Allen's clinging to Cross, shivering beneath the jacket he's wearing.

He can feel eyes on him, can feel the younger redhead staring at them. He's unsure of what to make of him, unsure of how he should feel. A part of him is scared, terrified at the thought of being hugged, _touched_ again…

But…

There's a part of him that tells him he should trust the other.

Allen closes his eyes, his body aching and his legs freezing. He's starting to feel dizzy and his back's starting to hurt, his wings are starting to ache. A blast of wind hits him suddenly and he's vaguely aware of the stinging sensation on his skin.

"…Master…" The boy's voice cracks some, causing Cross to stop walking.

"Something the matter?" Lavi and Bookman stop walking as well, watching the two for a moment.

"It…it hurts again…" Cross can feel the hands tighten against him, balling into small fists. He frowns at the statement, knowing that the sun will be rising soon. He turns to Lavi and Bookman, who have moved closer for the moment.

"How far till we get there?"

"We're almost there now…" Lavi's the one to reply, the one to receive a glare that tells him his response was rather dim.

"How far?" It's more of a demand then a question.

"Twenty minutes," Bookman replies, glaring at his student, mentally reminding himself to scold him later.

xxxxxx

Komui's sitting in his office, thinking about making himself a cup of coffee when there's a knock on his door. A scientist slips into the room, a new one that has been sent over from the Asian branch, one that he has yet to remember the name of.

"There's a group of people headed to the front gate, one of them is a General…" The Asian man stares at the small scientist, blinks a couple of times before looking over at the clock. He is amazed that it's almost six AM, that he has spent the whole night awake…

"Are you sure there's a General? And not just two exorcists…" When the man nods Komui stands abruptly, shocked and surprised…

And scared…

Scared because Allen's condition is so bad that Cross is willingly returning to the Order…

xxxxxx

The air inside the Order is still and silent…and strangely familiar to Allen…

He's still being held up by Cross, still in the man's arms, though he's wanting to stand and glance around, to look at the place that is _home_ for him. He can see the stone floor clearly, can see that the walls are large and that the ceiling is high, but he wants to see it clearly, without the hood on.

"Master…" His voice is soft and he's amazed at how it seems to echo off the walls. Cross stops walking and sets Maria's Grave down.

"Do you still hurt?"

"Can I stand now?" Allen doesn't answer the man's question, doesn't want to let him know that he's starting to feel a little dizzy. Cross doesn't reply right away and the boy thinks that he's done something wrong, has _said_ something to irritate him.

"I-I'm sorry…" Allen quickly tries to apologize but as he does he realizes that he's being set down. He stares up at the man, looks directly into his face before realizing he's doing so.

Allen flushes and looks away, remembering suddenly that he's to not look directly at those he is to please.

"May I look around the hall for a moment?" Lavi frowns at how timid the boy sounds. He looks away, towards Bookman before turning his attention towards the window.

"For a minute…" Cross cannot help but be kind, cannot help but give into the others request…because…

He knows that this might be the only time he can do such a thing without being watched…

Allen reaches up and pulls the hood back a little, so that he can see properly. The moment he does so, he can see the torches that light the hall, can see the doors lined along the wall…

And he feels sick at the sight of it…

They look familiar, too familiar and he hates it, hates it because it looks like the Circus. He looks away, a strange pain forming in his back, in the pit of his stomach. It's now that Lavi hears it, that Cross looks up and Bookman looks down the hall. The hurried footsteps of someone running towards them, hurrying as fast as possible.

Allen moves his hand up to his mouth, feeling nauseous thinking about how similar the hall looks. He's trying to clear his mind, trying to think of something other than the pain he's starting to feel on his back, the pain in his arm and on his feet. He reaches out blindly for Cross, staring at the stone floor as his breathing starts to increase.

The footsteps are getting close and Lavi feels like something bad's going to happen.

It's in the second that Allen reaches out for Cross that Linalee comes running around the corner, comes running at them. She's still dressed in her sleeping clothes, looking as if she has just climbed out of bed. Lavi's eyes widen as he looks at her and then at Allen, at the boy cloaked in Cross's exorcist jacket.

"Linalee…" He tries to tell her not to touch him, tries to tell her not to hug him or get too close

But it is too late…

Allen is still staring at the floor when it happens, is still dizzy and nauseous when he feels the female grab him and pull him into a hug. It's in that moment that his body goes rigid…

And then he screams…

Screams because he's reminded of Ivonne, of the Circus Master, of the pain that they could put him in. Allen shoves Linalee back, shoves her with enough force to knock her to the floor. He stumbles back trembling and his body hurting even more.

He feels like he has done something wrong, feels like the Circus Master is going to come running down the hall any second.

"Allen," Cross reaches over and grabs the boy, gives him a small shake to try and bring him to his senses. Except he yanks himself free, pulls back and steps on the hem of the jacket, affectively tripping himself.

"I'm sorry!" Allen gasps from the floor, pulling his body up into a ball, trying to look as small as possible. "Please don't let her hurt me!" He's crying and his words are choked, displaying his sudden fear all too well to those around him.

They don't know who he means by _her_…

xxxxxx

Komui's walking down the hall when he hears it, when the scream comes echoing off the walls, startling those that are awake. He pauses in his steps, suddenly terrified of _why_ someone would scream like that…

And then his thoughts turn to Allen…

He hurries his stride and runs through the Order, runs towards the entrance…

He can see Cross trying to pick a mass up from the floor, can see him arguing with the person. He can see Lavi and Bookman standing off to the side…and he can see his sister sitting on the floor crying silently…

Komui hurries over as Cross manages to pull Allen to his feet.

"Linalee won't hurt you!" The man sounds aggravated and tired, exhausted from the lack of sleep and from Allen…

"Don't let her hurt me!" The boy's repeating the sentence over and over again, is pulling against Cross. He's panicked and it's clear that something's wrong. The General gives the boy another small shake, losing his patience with him.

"She's not going to hurt-" The man's sentence dies in his throat as he sees something that Komui cannot. Lavi turns around, glances at the finders and other members of the Order that are gathering around them. He spots Komui and turns to walk towards him.

"Allen…" Cross repeats the name softly, low enough so that those nearby cannot hear.

"Mas…ter…" The boy's breathing has increased and his face is flushed from his tears, though that's not what is suddenly worrying the man. It is the fact that the small vines that are creeping up his face are starting to retreat, it's that there is a sudden amount of pain in his eyes.

Cross stands up straight and looks over at Lavi and Komui.

"We have to get to your office." The statement takes the two of them by surprise, mainly because Allen has fallen silent and is being scooped up by Cross.

"Th-this way then…" Komui glances at Lavi and then at Bookman. He's told the younger red head to comfort his sister, has told him that he can tell her about Allen, but not about the Circus.

xxxxxx

Linalee's still sitting on the floor, still crying silently when Lavi leans down next to her. He moves to touch her shoulder, to try and comfort her, except she pulls away, and glares at him through her tears.

"Why did he do that?" She shouts, not caring that people are still watching, are still wondering what's happened. "Why did he act like that!" She sounds angry, sounds hurt and Lavi doesn't know where to begin explaining.

"Linalee…I…"

"WHY!" The female states to cry again, another wave of fresh tears falling down her cheeks. "I don't understand, he was supposed to be safe, he was going to be fine-"

"He doesn't remember," Lavi interrupts the female standing after his sentence. "He doesn't remember anyone…" He turns and looks down at Linalee, offers her his hand to help her up.

"I'll tell you, but I want to go see what's happening with him right now…"

"You can't leave me!" The female stands abruptly ignoring Lavi's gesture. "I want to know why he…he's so…different…" Her voice fades into something pained and it causes Lavi's chest to tighten. He looks away from her, at some of the Finders that are still hanging around.

"Linalee, I'm sorry…" The female stares at her friend as he runs off down the hall, towards her brother's office.

_And he is uncertain of his real reasons for going_

Next is: My home that never was

~Lafy


	12. My Home That Never Was

**Disclaimer: **I do not own DGM

**WARNING! **Sadness/angst

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**My Home That Never Was**_~

Allen's shivering, trembling violently.

He's sitting on the couch in Komui's office, breathing heavily. His back burns, his arm stings, and his feet… He cannot explain how much pain runs through his body when he stands… The boy closes his eyes and concentrates on breathing…

Cross is talking with the Asian man he has learned is Komui, and Bookman is standing off to the side, watching as if everything were merely a television show. He breathes in deeply, his lungs burning from the oxygen, his mind to preoccupied to remember the simple need to _breathe_…

Allen swallows thickly, his throat dry. He looks down at his legs, covered by the too-large jacket. Cross and Komui are arguing over whether or not he should remove it…

"You need a face mask, to block the scent…" Cross sounds tired, aggravated. Komui frowns, staring at the red-haired man. He's tired and it has been a long night, a long _time_ since he has dealt with anything of this sort.

"Fine," He agrees after a moment, giving in, too exhausted to argue with the man. "You need one too?"

"We all do."

"You should know that the general is right." Bookman surprises the two of them from the other side of the room. "From what I know about the Circus, there are documented cases where the cursed give off a scent during the night, something that relaxes their patrons…"

The two men look back at each other before Komui nods and goes to a filing cabinet that is off to the side in the room, one that he uses to put random tools and such in. He pulls out a few cloth masks, the only things he can use at the moment.

"They're made from the same material as the exorcists jackets, the cloth is meant to mask their scent so it's harder to track them." Komui states the fact more for Bookman's sake then for Cross's.

Allen looks down at his feet, a sudden searing pain ripping through them as the designs on them start to unwind. He closes his eyes, waiting for the pain to pass, unaware of what's going on around him. He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder, flinching and pulling away on instinct, something that causes Komui to frown behind his mask.

"Allen, you need to take the jacket off." The boy relaxes at the sound of Cross's voice, something that's noticed by the three other men in the room.

"Yes, Master…" His voice is soft, shaking some from the pain that's coursing through his body at the moment. The boy moves slowly, his hands trembling as he removes the hood from his head and the coat from his body.

The scent that floods the room forces Komui to lean back, to blink a few times, understanding Cross now. He glances at the man before looking back down at the boy, at his appearance.

"Lean forward," The general speaks in a kind voice, something that is unusual to the Asian man, something that Bookman mentally takes note of. Allen does as instructed, so much so that he leans completely down, his arms against his chest and his face against his knees.

"The wings are interesting," Komui can't help but start to reach out and touch one, only to have the leaf like object tremble and flatten against Allen's back. Cross blinks, a little surprised to see that they can move.

"Allen, you can move them?" He asks, unsure if the boy can consciously move them or if it's something subconscious.

"Yes master…" His voice is soft, shaking still, something that is caused by a mix of fear and pain. He flexes his wings a little, opening them wider for a moment and letting them tremble before snapping flat against his back again. "They…they hurt though, right now…everything hurts…"

"Where do you hurt the most?" Komui is the one to ask, glancing at Cross a moment before turning his attention back to the boy. Allen's silent, concentrating on his breathing, on the sharp pain that sears through his feet and up his legs, on the burning of his back, of his shoulder blades…

…and of the sensation that is centered in his lower back, something that seems rather persistent, something that is there even when the rest of the pain is not…

"My…lower back…" Bookman watches a look of pain flash across the red-haired man's face, watches him close his eyes a moment and look away.

"Allen…you need to pull your kimono down so that we can see." Cross is the one to say it, is the one to sit up and look away while Allen does so. He knows what's there already, knows what the Circus Master has done. He doesn't know if Komui will get it right away.

Bookman moves closer to the three, a mask covering his nose and mouth, and looks down at the boy, at the leaf wings and at the…

…the open Lotus on the small of Allen's back.

"He ate one." Bookman is the first to speak, the only one to fully understand what the boy, the _child_, has done.

There's a knock at the door, soft enough for the three men to not notice, not notice until it's too late as Lavi opens the door and slips in.

xxxxxx

The younger red-head blinks, staring over at Cross and Komui and at Bookman, all three of which have their mouth covered, all three who look up at his entrance, all who have a sudden look of surprise come over their faces.

"…what's…what's that scent?" Lavi swallows thickly, his throat suddenly dry, his head spinning strangely. He feels dizzy for some reason, dizzy and oddly-

"Don't breath." Cross is the one to give the command while Bookman glares at his student.

"What kind of thing is that to say?"

"The scent's coming from Allen." Komui says it while ignoring what Lavi has said. "It's going to…drug you…"

"You're going to want to sleep with him." Cross says it so bluntly that he's given a look from Komui, and a glare from Lavi, whose mind is starting to slow down.

He tries to remind himself that he's not supposed to _care_…

"No, I…" It's now that Allen has decided to sit up, is looking over at Lavi from the other side of the couch.

"You do, don't you?" Bookman asks after a second, seeing the younger red-head just stare at Allen, just _stare_ at the boy intently, like he's memorizing his face.

"I…NO!" Lavi shakes his head looking away, dizzy, so strangely dizzy.

"Just sit down and don't do anything." Komui's pointing at his desk, at something that's a decent distance away from Allen.

"Do it." Bookman adds, trying to think of a way to use this moment. "Take the time to memorize what it does to your system, we can use the information."

"I don't want to…" Lavi stares at the three older men, his eyes drifting to Allen every few seconds. The boy looks…different from before.

His face is flushed…

And he's panting lightly, from the pain he's in…

But…

His lips are oddly red…

And there are small tears in his eyes…

And…

Lavi looks away shaking his head, his hands tingling, his body oddly warm… He nods after a moment, walking towards Komui's desk, his legs feeling like jelly. The young man sits down and closes his eyes, trying to catalog the sensations that are running through his body…

And he realizes he has felt this before…

xxxxxx

Cross looks back down at Allen, who's staring at Lavi, at the younger red head whose looking confused. He looks back up at the general after a moment, opens his mouth a little wider, his lips trembling.

"I-I'm…I'm sorry…she did it…because of what I am…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Cross is frowning behind the mask that covers his nose and mouth, frowning because he's hating how scared and sad Allen looks.

"I'm sorry master…I-it's because of my name…because of what I am…" Komui looks away, the tears that are starting to appear in the boy's eyes making his heart hurt, creating a new wave of guilt to hit him.

"It's like my skin…she did it…I'm sorry…" Allen's looking down at his lap, his body trembling, shaking as he starts to fall apart before everyone in the room.

"It's something that you couldn't have stopped."

Cross's closing his eyes, looking away from Allen, from everyone in the room. He's angry, pissed at the Circus Master, at himself for not arriving faster. The man opens his eyes, looks back at the boy, at the child crying before him.

"I don't know…I don't remember if I asked for this or not…"

"NO!" Komui jumps, a little surprised at Cross for suddenly sounding so angry. "You didn't want this, any of it, you fought to protect yourself." At this the man closes his eyes, images from Timcanpy's memories filling his mind, too painful, too _disgusting_ for him to forget.

"How…how do you know?" Allen's crying still, too tired to try and stop the tears, to confused about everything that's happening.

"Tim…" Komui's the one to say it, glancing over at Lavi whose staring at them with a glazed expression, only vaguely aware of what's going on around him. "We need to see what Tim recorded…"

Bookman nods along with the Asian man, looking over at the small creature that has decided to sit atop a bookcase and watch the spectacle below. Cross swallows thickly, the anxiety he's feeling written clear on his face.

"Those…those are things that you won't want to see…things that just aren't…_right_…"

"They're of me from before…?" Allen's voice is trembling, shaking as he stares up at Cross, begging, pleading for permission to see his previous self.

"No."

"Please Master…"

"He was raped wasn't he…" Komui can feel it, in the back of his mind, the dread creeping up on him, the sensation prickling his skin, clenching his heart. He knows about the Circus, knows what they do to people, knows what Allen has become.

Cross nods slowly, the image of Allen crying, of him pleading sorry to Timcanpy fills his mind.

"Can I see myself…?"

And Cross caves, caves because Allen's asking him, because…he just can't hold out any longer…

"Tim come here…"

xxxxxx

The scents fading from the room and everyone's silent. Komui feels like he's going to be sick, and Lavi has already been sick. Bookman's standing still, an unreadable expression on his face. Cross's looking off at the bookcase nearby, trying not to think about what he has just seen…_again_… He looks over at Allen after a moment, at the boy who resembles his previous self at the moment.

"I…" He opens his mouth, trying to form a sentence. His begging and pleas, his cries of pain still in his mind, pain of something that he _understands_ but does not _remember_… "I deserved it." His sentence is firm and it causes bile to fill the back of Komui's throat, to burn his mouth.

"No, you didn't." Cross is hating himself for not having killed that woman when he was there.

"I was wrong Master, I did not please him …"

"NO!" Lavi's standing now, still behind Komui's desk, his head still fuzzy and his mind still slow. "NO ONE DESERVES TO BE RAPED!"

And Allen turns his attention to the younger redhead, a dull burning sensation in his lower back, something he's growing used to.

"I am no one though…" Komui reaches up and pinches the bridge of his nose, pain and guilt seizing his heart, making it hard for him to breathe.

"I have no will, nothing of my own, I am property…and I was wrong…I did not please him…" Allen closes his eyes a moment, looks up at Cross when he opens them.

"I am Master's and I will do as Master says…" There's nothing that is said after that.

Cross is at the end of his line, hanging on to his emotions by a thread, hate and rage bubbling up inside of him.

"Allen, let's go to your room, you should rest…" The boy stands obediently, lets Cross adjust his appearance before following the man to the door.

"I can't talk about this anymore today…"

And Komui does not press the man for details like he has done over the phone because he understands for the first time what has _really_ happened, what the boy is _really_ like now…

xxxxxx

Linalee's sitting atop her bed in her room.

Her eyes are red and her body's trembling lightly. She's crying again, still. She wants to understand, to go to her brother and yell at him to explain, to tell her everything. She wants him to cave into her will as he has done in the past…but…

This is something she's certain he won't do.

She closes her eyes a moment, a fresh wave of tears filling them, spilling down her cheeks and onto her pillow. Linalee can't control it anymore and she gives in, gives into her fears and thinks the worst of things, thinks of all the horrific scenarios that she can.

She cries until she's numb, until she thinks she can't cry anymore…

And that's when Lavi knocks on her door, wanting to talk to someone, someone other than Komui for the moment.

"Linalee open up…" His voice is weak sounding, broken to the female. "Please…"

"Will you tell me what's going on?" The female shouts, her voice cracking from her tears.

"I'll tell you what I can…" Lavi's leaning against the door, his head resting against the cool wood. He nearly falls when the female opens it, catching himself the second he starts to.

"Why did he do that to me?" The redhead doesn't need to look at her to know that she's been crying.

"He doesn't remember you."

"Why?"

"He doesn't remember anyone…" Lavi's speaking more to himself at the moment, thinking about what Allen has said, the boy's words repeating in his mind.

"Lavi…" Linalee can see it now, can see that something has happened, something that she's unaware of.

"I hate your brother, because he sent him there, because he destroyed our friend…" Linalee watches the redhead sit down on her bed, watches him reach up and press his palms into his eyes.

"Please just tell me…"

"I can't, not everything…"

"But you just said you would!" Linalee shouts, her frustration with not knowing escalating.

"He's a slave, and he listens to Cross, does whatever the man says without question…" Linalee swallows, her throat going dry. "He said he deserved to be RAPED!" Lavi looks over at the female, his single eye showing an abnormal amount of pain.

"Lavi…are you trying not to care…?" The small female's words astound him, break him the moment they meet his ears.

"…Yes…" He whispers after a moment, feeling like everything in the world has gone wrong.

"Then don't, _I won't tell__._"

And Lavi does, he let's go of who he is…

Of the fact that he's supposed to be a Bookman,

Of the fact that he's not supposed to care,

Of the fact that he knows he's falling in love with two different people at the same time…

xxxxxx

Cross opens the door and lets Allen into the room he's been told is his. The boy just stands there, just looks around, at the odd gothic items in the room, at the floor, at the bed and at the painting on the wall, one that was made to replace the one from when he first joined the Order. Allen looks back at Cross, waiting for the man to say something.

When he never does he turns completely, dressed once more in the general's coat.

"What does Master want to do?" Cross comes into the room shuts the door. He knows he needs to tell the boy he doesn't have to ask, that he can do as he wants…

But every time he opens his mouth to speak he is reminded of what Allen has said.

"_I deserved it."_

"Do you know what this room is?" The man's tired and he doesn't want to have this conversation, but he knows that it's needed.

"This is Master's room."

"No, Allen it's not, it's your room." The boy stares at him, looking so much like the child Cross remembers, the child he promised Mana he would protect.

It's then that a thought, one he has been trying to ignore, enters his mind.

And Cross is suddenly pissed because he knows it's true.

The man blinks, realizing that Allen is staring at him, his shoulders slouched, his frame shrinking before him. He realizes the boy thinks he has angered him.

"This is your room, Allen," The man repeats himself, keeping his voice calm, though it comes out drained.

"This is Master's then…"

"No, it's yours. You own the things in the dresser, the painting on the wall, this is yours, not mine." Cross watches the boy's face, watches the confused look he's giving him.

"I do not own anything, what was mine is no longer mine… It is Master's…" Cross stares at Allen, at his eyes that are dead set on saying this. He shakes his head, tries to think of another way of getting it through to the boy.

"Allen…" He walks over to the boy, picks up his hand, "This is yours, it's attached to you."

"It's Master's - I don't own myself…" Cross frowns, frustrated with the boy again.

"No, it's not, I don't own you." Allen stares at him, confusion written clear on his face.

"I don't understand…" He says.

"This, what is this attached to?" Cross takes hold of the child's elbow, holds it in his hand, trying another approach.

"It's attached to me." Allen says in a definite manner.

"And that means it's yours." The red-haired man thinks he has gotten the other to understand, thinks that he might be able grasp what free will is…

"But that is Master's…" And Cross lets out a sound of frustration turning and moving towards the door, too tired and too drained to do this now.

"No, Allen, that's not mine, it's YOURS!" Silence fills the room, silence that's filled with the man's heavy breathing.

"Is…is…Master frustrated with me?" The general glares at him, not understanding what the boy has really meant.

"Yes I am." He replies instantly.

And to his horror Allen drops the exorcist jacket…

…And his kimono…

"Then may I alleviate that frustration?" His voice is innocent enough, but he's standing there, naked before the man. "May I please you Master?"

Cross is speechless, is wanting to scream at the child…

Is wanting to scream at him and give in, to let him do just as he has asked.

The thought goes through his mind, and he opens his mouth, about to say yes, when a memories floats to the surface, the memories of the Circus Master and her curse…

…_for a toy of mine you shall be_

_If the one inside you is not of your heart…_

"No…I can't sleep with you…" Cross shakes his head, amazed that he hasn't remembered sooner, amazed that he can't give in, that he'll lose the other completely if he does.

"Get some rest and don't leave the room." The man turns and leaves, shutting the door behind him with a snap.

_And he has no idea just how much Allen listens to him…_

Next chapter is called: The One I Obey

~Lafy


	13. The One I Obey

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing

**WARNING! **cursing

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**The One I Obey**_~

Allen's lying on his back on the bed in his room. He's dressed himself in his kimono though the obi is tied wrong in the back, something he cannot do himself. He's waiting for Cross to return, to come and get him.

He won't leave the room just as his Master has said, he believes the man will come and get him when he needs him…

xxxxxx

Someone's knocking on the door persistently.

But he's asleep…

His eyes are sore, dry feeling from all the tears he's shed. His hands are numb and his body's warm, there's a light weight on his side, on his chest. He can't quite think of what it is, of _who_ is lying with him.

The knocking continues, followed by a voice this time. He recognizes the voice, though he's too tired, too exhausted from _everything_ to try and wake up, to become coherent enough to answer it. The weight that's partially on him shifts and so does he.

He's lying on his side now, facing the warmth that's next to him. The one that's knocking on the door says something before the handle turns.

xxxxxx

Komui's staring into his sister's room.

Is staring at Lavi, whose lying on the same bed as his sister. He swallows thickly, trying to fight his conflicting emotions, to ignore the one he shouldn't be having. The Asian man closes his eyes as Lavi pulls himself away from Linalee as fast as he can.

"I need to speak to the two of you…" Komui's voice is restrained and he does not look at the two of them as he leaves the room, shutting the door with a forced calm. Lavi's stunned, stares at the door with a sense of awe. He turns, looks at Linalee whose in just as much awe as he is. Her throat feels oddly dry as she turns to Lavi.

Neither of them are tired anymore…

"We need to go talk to him…"

"Why…didn't he freak out?"

"I don't know…" The female shakes her head before moving to stand. She straightens her clothe before exiting the room. Lavi's slow to follow, conflicting emotions running rampant. His mind's still moving slow, sluggish from sleep but he knows that he's just missed something… something that he should have documented, cataloged away in his memories.

xxxxxx

Komui flops down in his chair, staring up at the high ceiling in his office. He feels drained, exhausted from everything. He knows he should have said _something_ back there, to his sister, to Lavi…but…

He knows something the boy doesn't…

Knows something about him that he shouldn't…

Komui closes his eyes, hoping that the two won't take too long in getting there, won't worry about his actions too much. There's a brief knock on the door before it's opened. Linalee is the first to appear, a false worried smile on her face.

"…Brother…" She looks like she wants to explain to him why she was with Lavi.

He already knows.

"It's okay, is he coming?"

"In a moment…why aren't you mad…?" Her eyes convey her worry and Komui has to look away. He doesn't want to tell her what Lavi doesn't know yet.

"I'm just… stressed…" The door opens and Lavi slips in, looking as if he doesn't want to be seen.

"Will this take long? Bookman saw me and said to try and hurry…"

"Both of you know that Allen doesn't remember anything now, so don't go around mentioning it to everyone. They'll learn soon enough…and don't talk to him about what he used to be like…"

Linalee frowns, trying to understand that last part. "Why not?"

"Right now it's for the best. We don't know how he'll react to things…you saw him when you hugged him." Komui hates himself for having to bring that up, hates himself because of the look of pain that's shown in his sister's eyes. The female looks down at her feet, a sharp pain stabbing at her heart.

"O-okay, so no talking about the past, and no touching…"

"For right now, he needs to work on his…people skills…"

"Linalee, right now Allen thinks everyone's going to hurt him…" Lavi's staring at her, unsure if he should say anything more. "He thinks everyone wants to… _use_ him…" He hopes that his point has gotten across, hopes that she understands.

"Brother, will…he get better, will he ever remember us?" Lavi looks at Komui, wanting to hear what he thinks, what he has to say.

"I don't know…I need to talk to Cross…"

xxxxxx

Lavi's in the cafeteria, sitting down by himself with a plate of food before him. He doesn't feel like eating, doesn't feel like doing much of anything. He wants Komui to hurry, to find out if Allen can ever get better.

But the man insists on letting Cross have a few days to rest…after all it doesn't look like he's going anywhere soon. The redhead picks his fork up and stirs his food about, the spaghetti reminding him of Kanda's soba. He frowns a little deeper, thinking about how long it's been since he's seen him…

Too long…

Lavi feels annoyed now, at everyone and everything. Kanda doesn't know…won't know. He pictures his friend, pictures him returning and seeing Allen run after Cross… The redhead suddenly sits up straight, realizing something.

He hasn't seen Allen in days.

xxxxxx

Cross is on his way to the cafeteria, is on his way to get lunch when Lavi comes running down the hall. He frowns, seeing that the younger redhead is heading towards him. In truth he has no reason to dislike the young man, other than his usually peppy attitude, but he hasn't seen that in a while.

"There something you want?" Lavi comes to a halt a few feet from the General.

"Have you seen Allen?" There's a strange look of fear in the green eye that makes the older man frown.

"Not since I left him in his room…" Cross knows it the second the sentence leaves his mouth, knows that Allen takes things too literally, knows that the boy will do anything he says.

"Take some food to Komui's office, I'll bring him there, I don't think the cafeteria is a good place for him right now." Lavi stares at the man, unsure if he should trust him…

"All right…"

xxxxxx

Allen's lying on his back in the room.

He's silent.

Has been silent since his Master left.

His stomach hurts and he doesn't understand why, hasn't felt such a sensation before. He closes his eyes and tries to sleep, like he had at the Circus, though sleep doesn't come so easily, not like before.

Allen trusts his master, believes the man will come back for him when he needs him, like he had before. He rolls onto his side, pulls his legs up to his chest, a pain hitting his stomach again.

That's when the door is opened.

Cross's standing there, a slight look of panic masked by annoyance showing on his face. The man enters the room and shuts the door behind him. Allen hasn't left the room, just like he told him.

"Your stomach hurt?"

"Yes Master, why?" Cross frowns, stares at the boy slightly confused.

"You're hungry, right?" A part of him doesn't understand why Allen hasn't died of starvation by now.

"Hungry?" The boy just stares at him, confused. Cross decides not to try and think of this right now. He knows that spending time alone with Allen's bad, knows that he needs to tell Komui about the Lotus Curse…

And that he might cave if left alone…

"Stand up." Allen does at told, his kimono still on, sloppily though. "Why haven't you changed?"

"Master is to pick my clothes, pick what he wishes to see me in…" The boy stares at him like he's the one who doesn't know anything. Cross shakes his head, knowa that he can't have the used-to-be exorcist running around the Order in a mini dress. He moves over to the dresser in the back of the room and opens the drawers, pulling out a white button down shirt and black pants.

"These are your things, you can do what you want with them… Change and then come out. I'll be just outside the door." Cross leaves the room before Allen can strip, before he does anything he shouldn't.

xxxxxx

The hall's almost empty, almost because a finder walks by every couple of minutes. They glance at Cross, at his annoyed expression and hurry on their way. The man's still waiting for Allen, still waiting for the boy to dress himself. It shouldn't take so long…

The door opens up and the General looks to his side…

And nearly faints…

He closes his eyes, wanting to slap himself for his choice in words, for telling the boy he could do as he wishes with the clothes. Cross takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself. _Damn I need to find a cheap whore_…

"Master-"

"What did you do to the pants?" He cuts the boy off, opening his eyes, staring down at Allen. _At least he found his boots_…

"Circus Master always had me show my legs… It was to entice my patrons…" Cross looks away from the boy, from the damn _small_ shorts he has turns his pants into. He didn't want anyone to stare, to notice _Allen_ in a mini dress…but his attempt to put him in regular clothes has backfired.

Everyone will see Allen in knee high boots and little shorts…

"Whatever, let's go." Cross turns and practically races down the hall, finders and Order members turning to see the boy as he hurries after him.

xxxxxx

The door to Komui's office is slammed open. Lavi and the Asian man turn to Cross, a little unsure of what to make of his flustered appearance and sudden entrance. He stares at them, half between embarrassed and mad before walking into the room, Allen following behind him.

Lavi moves to shut the door, seeing a crowd of Finders trying to look in. He coughs at the sight of them gawking, partly amused and partly mad.

"Cross…why is he in… _shorts_?" Komui stares at Allen, at how wide-eyed and bushy-tailed he seems, at how innocent he acts…

"I gave him pants and he made them shorts." The man grits out taking the boy's shoulders and directing him towards the Asian man's desk where three meals have been laid out.

"Eat until you're full." Allen nods, staring at all of the food. He takes his seat before looking back at the red haired man.

"How will I know I'm full?"

"You just will." Cross turns to Komui, prepared to tell him about the Lotus, about the rest of the information he knows…except he realizes just what Allen has said.

"You've never been full before?" Part of him knows the answer to that, knows that the past Allen was never finished eating… Lavi stares at the boy, at the person who used to be his friend, trying to recall a lost bit of information in his mind.

"You never ate at the Circus…did you…?"

Allen turns his attention to Lavi and stares at him, stares at him with large, clear colored eyes. He doesn't say anything, doesn't open his mouth to speak, only turns back to Cross and waits for the man to speak to him. A minute passes, then two, three and Cross becomes impatient.

"Answer!" He snaps.

"Yes, Master." Allen turns back to Lavi, "No, we never ate, there was no need. The Circus Master…she did something when I arrived, when everyone arrives so that all we need is sleep."

"Well you need to eat now, otherwise you'll get sick."

"Is that why my stomach hurts?" Allen stares at Cross and Lavi frowns deeply, hating how the boy looks to the man, how he acts like he is everything to him. Komui watches as Allen picks his fork up and starts to eat after being given a response.

xxxxxx

"It looks like Walker finally returned to the Order."

The air's frigid and the ground's caked in snow, snow that's still falling from the sky. The stars are bright and the moon's even brighter, glowing. The finders are huddled around a small camp fire they have managed to create in a clearing of the forest.

"He's been gone how many months?"

"Six I think…"

"I thought he had been killed by an Akuma." There are two finders, one who has arrived that day and one that is going to be leaving the following morning.

"Yeah, since no one talked about him and Miss Linalee was crying all the time."

"I wonder where he was."

"I think he was captured by the Noah."

"They wouldn't let him live, would they?"

"He could have become a traitor, like that Suman…"

"His Innocence would reject him though."

"True…" Silence sets in for a moment as the frigid air shifts briefly, not enough to put the fire out but enough to make it smaller. "He isn't well, though."

"Like how?"

"Well, I got to see him before I left, actually on my way out of the Order. He was wearing the General's coat and screaming. Miss Linalee went to hug him and he freaked out, said he's sorry and that he doesn't want hur-"

"SHUT UP!" The two Finders jump and look over at the foot of a tree where Kanda's sitting in a meditation pose. "SHUT UP OR I WILL MAKE YOU!" The two close their mouths, having almost forgotten the Exorcist was there.

"You gossip like a bunch of fucking house wives!" The finders frown, constantly surprised by the swordsman's anger. The one that's leaving the next morning decides to be bold, like few are.

"Don't you want to know about Walker? He's your friend too, right?"

"I don't give a shit about the Moyashi." Kanda snaps before standing and heading into the forest with Mugen.

xxxxxx

Allen's finished eating and is sitting behind Komui's desk. He's watching Cross, watching Komui and Lavi. His Master is sitting on the couch silently. The room has been silent since he started eating.

"You done?" Cross is back to sounding exhausted.

"Yes, Master." Allen watches the man sit up a little more, watches him signal for him to come closer. Lavi hates how his friend is so obedient.

"Komui you know that he has a Lotus on his back but you don't know the rest of it."

"There's more?" The Asian man was silently hoping that there wasn't.

"He's cursed." Lavi says it bluntly, says it knowing that it's true, says it staring straight at Allen.

The boy just blinks and turns back to Cross.

"Allen you remember what the woman said, what the Circus Master told you before you left…"

"Yes Master, I do."

"Can you tell them?" Cross asks because he knows that he can't repeat it himself, can't deal with this much more.

"Don't make him say it." Lavi's voice is curt and laced with a suppressed anger, hatred and resentment for the man.

"Does Master wish for me to say it?" Komui watches how Allen ignores Lavi, watches how he pays no attention to him, only to the man he calls _Master_.

"The Lotus on his back is his time limit with us."

"Time limit!" Komui isn't sure if he's more shocked or more worried.

"He was loaned to me, to us, that woman's idea of a cruel joke I guess. The petals on the Lotus mark his time, when they're all gone he will be too." Allen opens his mouth, to speak, but waits for the man to give him approval before doing so.

"I have to spread my legs for Master." Lavi's face contorts in a sign of disgust. He opens his mouth to voice his thoughts but is cut off by Cross.

"Not me. Allen never _loved_ me, it's supposed to be who he loved. He has to sleep with the one he loves." Komui blinks, slightly confused.

"Allen was in love with someone?" The Asian man looks over at Lavi who throws his hands up in a sign of defeat.

"Don't look at me, if he loved someone I had no clue!"

"He did and now we have to figure out who it is." Cross turns Allen around, pulls the back of his shirt up and looks at the Lotus, at all thirteen petals.

"It looks like it's more than four days before one disappears…" The man lets Allen's shirt drop, has him sit on the couch. "There's also one more thing…"

"And that would be…?" Komui asks, seeing Lavi frown.

"I can't be left alone with him."

"That's an understatement." Lavi says it before he can stop himself, says it before he realizes the effect of his words.

"I know. I'll cave and if I'm with him then we'll lose him, completely…"

xxxxxx

Kanda kicks the tree, his shin aching a little from the force. He hates finders, hates how they gossip about every one of them. Just from the past few he has been with he feels likes he knows far too much about Allen, Lavi and Linalee.

He's heard how they think Allen's gay, how they think he was secretly sleeping with Linalee, how he's been gone for so _long_, how Lavi's been acting strange, been hovering around Linalee and Komui, how Linalee has been crying so _much_…

He hits the tree again, knocking some snow to the ground with his force.

"…Fucking hate Finders…"

"Oooh what naughty language you have." Kanda draws his sword in one swift motion, turning and pointing it at the voice of the one who spoke.

A girl, a small girl…

The Noah girl.

"What do you want?"

"Earl-sama wants to know where Walker's gone…"

xxxxxx

Allen's lying on the bed in his room again, has been brought back by Cross, been told that he'll come back sooner this time. The boy believes him, and obediently stays.

Stays because he has been told to,

Stays because the man is his Master and he only knows how to obey…

xxxxxx

Linalee's sitting in a pew, is in the church inside of the Order. She has a Bible on her lap, is staring down at the open book, her eyes unfocused. She's trying to find something to ease her mind, something to believe in…

Though she feels like she has lost faith long ago…

The church is empty, filled with scented candles and beautiful statues. Most of those that still pray do it daily, at a Mass that is held later on at night. She closes her eyes and recalls when she first attended, recalls the first time she was reunited with her brother…

The first time she brought Allen…

The door to the cathedral room is opened quietly and Lavi looks in. He spots the female instantly, unsure if he should bother her right now or not…

"Dear Lord, whom I hate so much…" Her voice is shaky, is trembling and Lavi knows that she's crying. "…please…please bring us salvation…"

The Bible is sent flying across the room in a fit of rage. Her sobs start up, as she whispers things to herself, as she begs to be saved. "I don't want this life anymore!"

Lavi feels like it's time to intervene but as he moves to step into the room he pauses.

"So just praise the Lord you said!" Linalee leans over, hugging her chest. "Allen you are so STUPID! You said to praise the Lord but you are a fool! His damned Clown! The one that dances for everyone, watches others be granted happiness, watches everyone get saved…why…" Her voice cracks and Lavi feels like he can't breathe.

"Why can't you be saved, of all the people why can't you be saved…?"

Lavi leaves the room, his emotions making him dizzy, the emotions that he shouldn't have. He lets the door shut quietly, heads down the hall, to the place where he can find peace, to the one that can ease his mind.

xxxxxx

The room's large and Allen feels small in comparison. He looks around, looks at all the finders filtering in, taking their seats. He watches Kanda enter and move to the front row, watches him sit down on the empty pew.

"This is the church." Linalee looks at him with a smile, her hair still long, still held in pigtails. "You can come to Mass when you please but most finders and exorcists attend daily…Kanda on the other hand, comes once a week…" Allen nods, still in awe of the statues, the serene beauty of the room.

"The Exorcists are meant to sit in the front but you don't have to…Lavi prefers the back…" Allen nods, glancing at the redhead who's walking towards them.

"Want to sit together for your first one?"

"I'd like to sit in the front…" Linalee nods, smiling almost as much as Allen. The three of them head to the first pew, move to sit down. Lavi chooses to be next to Kanda, calling him Yu-chan, saying that he has a soft spot for religion.

"Shut up." The Asian man grits out.

"No curses or death threats in the cathedral?" Lavi nudges his friend in the ribs, looking at Allen who just gives a small chuckle.

"So even the great Kanda is in fear of the Lord?"

"Che," Linalee shakes her head, sighing lightly to herself.

"So Allen, have you always believed?" The youngest teen turns to look at her before smiling, a smile that Kanda feels is fake.

"I have to. I praise the Lord, thank him for my life." The three of them can feel the strange melancholic tone behind his words, something Linalee almost asks about, almost because Mass starts up then.

xxxxxx

_So just praise the Lord…_

xxxxxx

Lavi knocks on Komui's door lightly, almost as if he doesn't want to be answered. He waits a moment, waits for the man to answer. When no one says anything he knocks a little harder, a little more urgently. The door opens this time, Reever being the one on the other side.

He stares at Lavi, at the expression on his face and steps off to the side. Komui looks up from his desk, from a paper he has been working on. He gives a weak smile and before he says anything, Reever leaves the room.

The young man stands just inside of the door, remembering what Linalee has said, what _Allen_ said so long ago, it's almost his birthday…

"Something you wanted to talk about?"

Lavi stares at the ground, his head spinning and his chest tight.

"Lavi?"

"…why did it have to be Allen?" Komui opens his mouth to reply, to say _something_, when Lavi continues. "Why does it always have to be him?"

"You want to sit down?" Komui watches the redhead look up, watches him almost lose his balance. He's standing before the young man can move, is helping him move towards the couch, helping him onto it.

"The Noah targeted him, removed his arm, tried to _kill_ him…" Lavi shakes his head, his thoughts spinning.

"Just say it, say what you want, it'll help." Komui knows that if the redhead doesn't speak, doesn't let his emotions out he'll have a break down. He sits down on the couch, next to him. Lavi instinctively leans back, leans against the Asian man.

"Why does Allen only look at Cross?"

"Because he's his Master." Komui stares stoically at his desk, thinking of how close in age Linalee is to Lavi. "Because he was the one to take him from the Circus…"

"I would have…I should have just gone after him…"

"Don't beat yourself up about it."

"If I had saved him, had brought him back things would be different." Lavi closes his eyes, the room spinning, making him feel worse than before. "I hate how Allen obeys Cross."

"He won't always be like that."

"Right, we need to find out who sweet little Allen-chan was in love with," there is a note of bitterness in his voice. "We need to find who that is and have him fuck them." Komui frowns, hating how vile Lavi sounds.

"It's a male, I'm almost positive."

"Is that why you never cared about how much time Linalee spent with Allen?" Lavi opens his eyes, glances over at the older man. He nods his head, just barely.

"I don't know who it is, though."

"We can't mention this to Linalee…" The redhead shifts, unaware of his actions, of how he feels so _comfortable_ at the moment…

"She's not strong enough…"

"I'm not either…" Komui sighs, and shifts on the couch, turns and does something he knows he shouldn't. He hugs Lavi and reminds himself of the young man's age…

xxxxxx

Allen's lying on his bed, almost asleep when the door opens, when Cross walks into the room. The boy sits up, stares at the man a moment before speaking, asking what he's been asking for days now.

"Does Master need me now?" The man steps forward, sits on the edge of the bed and presses his lips against the boy's, tasting his willingness. Allen opens his mouth, allows the man's tongue into his, allows him to dominate him.

He can taste the alcohol in his mouth.

_And he obeys because he knows of nothing else_

The next Chapter is: How to Please

~Lafy


	14. How to Please

**Disclaimer: **I have no ownership over DGM otherwise Allen would be the Orderwhore

**WARNING! **Cursing, Oral and SoloM

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**How to Please**_~

Kanda's glaring at the small female before him. She's dressed in a large jacket, something that's lavishly decorated in lace, is wearing boots that go up to her knees. She's smiling though, smiling a twisted smile that unnerves him and annoys him all the same.

"Sooo…do you know where Allen-chan has gone?" Rhode watches Kanda's eyebrow twitch, watches his annoyance at her words. She takes a step closer, her feet sinking in the snow.

"No, I don't." The swordsman's words are clipped and hold malice. He knows that she's dangerous, that she could send him into another dimension at will. He doesn't fear her, and it makes him wonder why he can't control his heart rate.

"So then he's gone missing?" Rhode pouts, or frowns, something of a fake gesture with a hint of true emotions.

"I couldn't tell you. I haven't been back to the Order in a long time." Kanda tenses a moment, keeping Mugen between them, still on guard.

"Then you wouldn't know where it was even if I asked…" The small female frowns, stuffing her hands in her coat pockets before pulling out a lollipop. "You see they moved, after taking something from us…two things from us…" She puts the candy in her mouth, her golden eyes shifting about the darkened scenery.

"I wonder where Tyki-pon has gone…" Kanda narrows his eyes, caring very little for the fate of the finders.

"Is that all you're here for?" Rhode turns to the Japanese man, scans him with her eyes.

"You're awfully tense, you know, for just a conversation. If I wanted to hurt you I would have already."

"I'd like to see you try." Rhode smiles and takes another step closer to Kanda. She leans forward, removes the candy from her mouth. She stands there, staring at him for what feels like too long.

"You really don't know anything about Allen-chan?"

"No." The word is said with more malice then Kanda feels at the moment, said with more hatred then he actually has right then.

"Really? Because you are acting very defensive over my lost pet…"

The swordsman snaps then, snaps and slashes at the female, causing her to jump back quite a ways, a false expression of shock on her face.

"My, you are a temperamental one…" Kanda takes a quick step to the side, eyeing Tyki more than Rhode.

"What do you want?" He snaps at him, tensing once more, feeling the abnormal bloodlust coming from him.

"Just checking to make sure the Walker boy isn't around here…" The man smiles sadistically before walking towards Rhode. "Let's head back - it's too cold here…"

And with that, the two of them slip into a black mass that has appeared from nowhere, something Kanda knows is Rhode's doing.

He waits for them to completely disappear before turning and heading back to the camp site, knowing full well that the finders are dead already. He pays them no attention, just pushes the dead onto their sides and searches their pockets, pulling items that he needs out, items that he can give to Komui. He would bring the bodies back, if he was finished with his mission, if he wasn't so far from a town…

xxxxxx

The air in the room is heavy, thick.

It smells of musk and smoke…

And sex…

_Arousal_

Allen's lying on his back, his shirt unbuttoned and pushed off his shoulders. Cross is kissing his neck, is giving the boy's skin opened mouth kisses. He's drunk, drunk from alcohol and Allen's taste.

The boy's timid, yet arousingly experienced.

Cross licks a patch of skin, nips it, bites it, harsh enough to make Allen gasp, to squirm beneath him. He leans up, kisses his neck, nips at his ear. He brings their mouths together.

Allen's accepting, is letting Cross do as he wishes, allows his tongue to slide against his own, allows his hands to ghost across his skin. He makes a sound, a small moan, and Cross grips his hips, lifts him up. The boy is set on his lap, Cross still on the edge of the bed. They kiss, again, breaking for air, and Allen sucks on his tongue briefly.

"Fuck…" The man groans as he feels teeth on his bottom lip, teasing. He opens his eyes, dazed as Allen stares back at him.

"How does Master want me?" Cross doesn't reply, only attacks the boy's lips, grabs his waist and holds him in place. He thrusts up, rubbing and grinding against him. Allen gasps, dizzy suddenly.

"M-Master…it feels so good!" He whispers, his eyes glossy. The man's hands are still on his hips, are guiding him to move. "Why…?" The word comes out on an exhaled breath, catching Cross off guard.

He stares at Allen, at the boy on his lap, at his flushed face and swollen lips. He moves his hands, moves them lower, grips his backside and thrusts up. The boy whimpers again, gasps and tilts his head down, breathing against Cross's neck.

"You've felt this before, right?" Cross is still moving his hips, is still directing Allen, still making him gasp and whimper against him. The boy opens his mouth, opens it to speak but a particularly strong sensation runs through him, catching his breath.

Allen shakes his head no, exhaling hot air against the man's neck.

"No, Master…I'm here to please you, not myself…" Cross stares at him, his intoxicated mind moving slow. He wants the boy, wants to have him right _now_ but…

"I want you to," Allen whimpers lightly as the movement of their hips stop. The man moves him back a little, moves him so that he looks up. "I want you to please yourself."

xxxxxx

Lavi's lying on his stomach in his room. He's reading a paper that Bookman has laid out for him. It's from Egypt, talking about some artifacts that have been found in the dessert. He's mildly amused, almost interested in the paper, the article, almost because his mind is unfocused.

He's waiting for it to become dark, waiting to go see Komui again.

Allen will change at night, when the sun goes down and he will be there to watch alongside Bookman.

There's a light knock against his door, causing him to sigh and sit up. His headband is lying on the bed. His hair's a mess, and he's dressed only in a shirt and pants but he still opens the door. The light from the hall is brighter than in his room and he's forced to blink multiple times.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry did I wake you?" Linalee's voice is soft, causing the young man to wonder if something might be wrong.

"No, no, I was reading…" Lavi glances back at his room, intending to invite the female in but stops, seeing how horribly messy it is. "Want to take a walk?" He suggests instead.

"Ah, yes…" She gives a small smile, one that is years away from her past ones. "We might run into Allen, then…" Lavi shakes his head, not wanting to tell the female that they won't. He knows that the boy is in his room, knows that he won't leave unless Cross goes to get him.

"We might," Lavi turns back to his room and pulls his boots on. He follows Linalee out into the hall. They walk slowly, past a couple of Finders that smile and wave to the female. She returns the gesture less enthusiastically before turning to Lavi.

"Brother has assigned a mission to me…" The redhead blinks, pausing a moment in his steps.

"So you'll be leaving soon?"

"He's been trying to lessen the work load lately…to get Kanda to come back…"

Lavi nods, calculating how long it's been since he's seen the ill-tempered samurai. The two turn down a corridor, head down the hall that's closest to the outside, down the one that's lined with windows. Linalee watches the scenery as they move past.

"Miranda and Krory will be coming back soon too…"

"I haven't seen the old bat in sooo long!" Lavi laughs lightly placing his hands on his head. Linalee turns at him, an annoyed look on her face. The young man knows that she wants to scold him, though she seems unsure of who he's speaking of.

"Lavi, can I ask you something?" The two of them stop walking at the end of the hall. Linalee turns to face the redhead, scanning the area briefly for anyone nearby.

"While I'm gone, can you watch Allen?"

"You know I will, he's not…_right_…right now…" The female shakes her head and takes a step closer to Lavi. She places her hands on his shoulders and stares up at him.

"No, I mean really watch him, how he acts towards everyone…see if it's…different…" The redhead stares down at Linalee, at her bright, yet worried eyes. He swallows, his throat suddenly dry, his mind suddenly all too aware of her hands.

"Komui…he told you didn't he…"

"That Allen was in love with someone? Yes… So please just watch him…" It's then that she does it, that she leans up, that she presses herself against him. Lavi blinks, suddenly very aware of how close she is. He flushes, her lips just centimeters away from his.

"Linalee…" He takes her shoulders, closes his eyes. "Please don't…" He pushes lightly against the small shoulders, gently so as to not hurt her feelings. Lavi looks down at the ground, trying to avoid seeing the female's face.

"You're right, I'm sorry…" Linalee says nothing more, just turns and leaves, her feet echoing off the stone floor.

xxxxxx

Kanda's growling to himself, cursing the snow and the cold air, cursing his surroundings. He's headed back to town, covered in dirt and grime and what he is pretty sure is blood in his hair. He's completed his assignment, has completed what he was sent there to do, finder or no finder.

The town is visible now, lying in a valley covered in snow. From far it looks nice, looks _familiar_. The samurai's glare suddenly increases as he heads down the hill, his hands numb from the cold, his skin stinging from the wind chill.

The streets are almost barren-almost, because there are a few people running through the thick snow, taking no notice of the hellish-looking exorcist. The sign above the inn hangs by one hinge above the door, covered in snow that slips off as Kanda nearly rips the door open.

The man behind the desk looks up, gives a small shriek that causes the samurai to raise an eyebrow. Kanda shakes his head, knowing that his bill will increase if he is rude to the owner...

"I need a room for the night." The man nods, his mouth hanging agape as he blindly reaches for a key.

"He-here you go, we have hot water right now, too…"

"Hnn…" Kanda snatches the key and heads on up stares leaving the man wondering what had happened to his companion from before…

xxxxxx

Allen's leaning against Cross's chest, his shorts unbuttoned and hanging low on his hips. He's gasping, panting for air. The boy's trembling against the man, his legs weak and unable to hold him. His dick is exposed and his hand is wrapped around it, is pumping it, guided by a much larger one.

"Understand how to touch yourself now?" Cross speaks into the boy's ear, his breath still holding the heavy scent of alcohol.

"Y-yes Master…" Allen's voice trembles as the man runs his thumb over his head, teases him with his fingers. He shivers in his arms, twisting, jerking at the sensation. Cross feels like he's dealing with a virgin because of how Allen acts.

He moves his fingers up to swollen, trembling lips, pushes them inside, making Allen taste himself. Cross groans at the sight, at the feel of his fingers being sucked on. He takes the boy, stilling his hand's movement for a moment and turns him, places him on the floor.

Allen looks up at Cross, on his knees before him. He licks his lips, his body throbbing, an unbelievable ache between his legs. "Wh-what would Master like me to do now?"

"Suck me." The general says, his own ache too much for him. The boy nods, licks his lips and reaches up, undoes his belt, his pants, tugs them down far enough to expose him. Allen opens his mouth, leans forward and runs his tongue over the man's cock, licking the head before taking it in.

Cross moans lightly at the sensation, knows that he can't be too loud. He looks down, watches Allen suck his head, lapping at him. The child's lips are red, swollen and he loves it, loves the obscene sight of it.

"Touch yourself too." His breathing is ragged and Allen whimpers around the thickness in his mouth, moves his hand between his legs. He strokes himself, harshly, faster, as he takes more of Cross in. His tongue runs against the underside of the man's cock before he pulls back briefly.

Allen gasps, moans as he rubs his thumb against his head. He licks Cross, finding a spot that makes the man twitch. He moves his head forward, to suck on him once more. He gasps, whimpers at the sensations he's feeling and ends up rubbing his lips against the dick before him.

Cross watches the sight, watches how uncoordinated and clumsy the boy is now, watches how messy his face is becoming. Allen's hips jerk involuntarily and he groans, opening his mouth wider and taking Cross more than halfway in. He sets his lips in a tight O and starts to bob his head up and down.

The man threads a hand in the boy's hair, directing him, loving how his cock disappears between those lips. Allen whimpers, his own release catching up to him. He moves his hand faster, adding a slight twisting motion to his own movements. He moans, the sound muffled by the length in his mouth.

"Good…" Cross speaks, his voice low, thick. Allen opens his eyes, looks up at the man, whimpers as he feels a strong pulse run through his dick.

"Mastah, wan' me ta swalla?" The boy speaks with the man still in his mouth, speaks with Cross's head still between his lips, his tongue rubbing against it as he talks.

"Swallow."

Allen gasps, moans loudly, tilts his head to the side, his hand moving frantically as he cums into it. He continues to try and suck on Cross, continues to try and lick the head that is still in his mouth, on the dick that he is moaning around.

"Fuck," The man bites his tongue, stifling his own moan as he suddenly releases into the boy's open mouth. His eyes roll back as he feels lips clamp down around him, as he feels Allen suck every last drop from him.

"Shit, you're good at that…" Cross pushes himself up, straightens his pants, his appearance. He looks down at the boy whose licking his lips clean, cum staining his shorts and the floor, his face.

"Clean yourself up, and then go get something to eat from the cafeteria." He takes a step towards the door, pauses before opening it up. "Don't tell anyone about this."

"Yes, Master."

xxxxxx

Kanda's lying in a large porcelain bath tub. He's submerged up to his neck, his hair wet and sticking to his face. The tiled room is foggy, filled with steam from the hot water in the bath. He sinks in, low enough for the water to cover his mouth, his nose.

His body aches, sore to the point that he's contemplating a massage…

Kanda scowls at the thought of someone touching him, rubbing their hands over his back and shoulders. He exhales underneath the water, bubbles appearing around his face. Tomorrow he's to return to the Order, is supposed to.

"Golem." He snaps sitting up a little more in the tub. The small bat like creature struggles through his pile of matted clothes, fights itself free from his torn shirt and jacket before flying at him.

The samurai grabs the golem out of mid-air, covers the camera on it. He stands, climbs out of the tub, drags the phone towards it before climbing back in. Kanda has the golem connect him to the Order. He listens through three rings before is answered.

"Hello…" Komui's voice sounds dragged, like he's been at his desk for days without a break.

"I completed the assignment, the Akuma was a level three…"

"Oh," Kanda can hear the man try and stifle a yawn before continuing. "Then you're coming back tomorrow?"

"The finders died, both of them." Silence follows the younger man's sentence.

"D…died…? How?" Kanda frowns deeply, remembering the Noah all too clearly.

"The Noah showed up, the small girl and the one from the ark, they were asking where the moyashi is."

"Asking…about Allen?"

Kanda shifts in the bathtub, not wanting to deal with this right now. "Give me another assignment."

"What? NO!" Komui almost shouts it, almost slams the phone down. He's tired of dealing with the swordsman.

"Give me one, something on the way back…" He slides down, farther into the tub, his neck aching.

"I can't…"

"Then tell me why the moyashi hasn't been working." Kanda doesn't care but he knows that Komui doesn't want to talk about it, knows that something serious has happened that's being kept silent.

"Fine…" The older male exhales, exhausted from _everything_…

xxxxxx

Allen's standing in the hall, is leaning against the stone wall. His breathing is heavy, his back starting to ache, his shoulder blades burning. It's happening again, he's starting to change, to turn back into his night appearance.

Finders pause in passing the boy by, pause and look over at him, the faint scent of night phlox in the air. Allen closes his eyes, takes a few steps, trying to remember where Komui's office is, silently praying his Master is there. A sharp pain shoots through his back, down his cursed arm and Allen gasps.

He closes his eyes, his lower back, the Lotus hurting, burning more than ever now. A sudden hand is on him, on his arm, tugging him up from the ground he has dropped to. The boy yanks himself back, his body sinking even lower to the floor.

"Don't touch me!" He snaps, his back hurting so _much_, his shoulder blades feeling as if they're on fire. Allen blinks tries to open his eyes but quickly closes his left eye, a strange sensation running through it.

"Are you okay?" It's another person, someone he doesn't know, someone he's never met before. The boy just shakes his head, his right hand sliding up the wall, trying to find something to pull himself up by. Another set of hands are on him, his shoulder and back and he can't stop the scream that rips from his throat.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" His words echo through the partially filled hall, stilling all those within hearing range. Allen pushes himself away from the person who has tried to help him, pushes himself forward except…

Excepts a sudden pain enters his feet, reminding him of the design that will be there later…

He hisses, closes his other eye and lets his body collapse onto the floor.

He listens, can hear the finders talking amongst themselves, about him, about his behavior… Another sensation runs through him, centering on the lotus, growing in intensity, enough to make him forget how to breathe for a moment.

"Allen!" The voice is familiar, causing the boy to open his good eye, to try and see who it is. He swallows, sees a flash of red hair, different from his Masters. "I'm going to pick you up, take you to Cross, your Master…" Lavi's lying but if he can get Allen out of the hall things will be better…

"Master… where is he…?" The boy groans as he tries to open his left eye again, to see properly. His vision is hazy, clouded from the pain in his back and- Allen gasps, lets out a small shout as he feels the skin on his back start to tear, to rip apart. It hurts so much more than before.

Suddenly hands are on him, are trying to lift him up, He groans, pulls himself back and nearly screams as his back hits the wall. Allen collapses entirely on the floor, his body throbbing.

"I'm going to take you to Cross!" Lavi is annoyed, but just barely, he's more worried than anything, worried about what will happen if his former friend changes in the hall, before everyone… Allen blinks, tries to look at the redhead, tries to understand what's happening. He swallows, leans up to the other.

"Please…I want to see Master…" The young man blinks, smelling something on the others that shouldn't be there, something that he cannot place… He shakes his head and tries once more to lift the boy.

This time Allen lets him, allows the other and he doesn't understand why…

Doesn't understand why he trusts him…

xxxxxx

Rhode's sitting at an elegant table, a piece of paper set before her.

She's reading it, humming gently to herself.

The room is dark, save for the single candle that sits near her, on the table. The small female leans forward, makes a note on the paper, frowns lightly. She sets it back down, leans back in her seat, stretches.

Rhode stands, takes the paper with her as she heads to the door. She pulls a key from her pocket, places it in the lock and turns. The door does not change in appearance…

Only when she removes the key, when she pulls it open does something happen.

The female steps from her room and into a darker hall, into a place that is lit by dim lamps along the wall. She has a wicked smile on her face, one that never means anything good.

She makes it almost completely down the hall when someone stops her, asks her what she's doing and how she got there. Rhode turns and smiles at the female, at the woman whose hair that turns to ivy, who has wings like a fairy's…

She stares at Ivonne and smiles again, her strange and sadistic one…

_Because no one has a clue why she is there_

The next chapter is: Forgotten Truths

~Lafy


	15. Forgotten Truths

**Disclaimer: **LOL ME OWN DGM? RIGHT XD

**WARNING! **Cursing

**Note: **CoN takes place after the Ark and before the level 4 Noah attacked the Order, Linalee has not drunk her innocence yet so she still has her dark boots… I don't know if I've mentioned the time frame of this fic yet…

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**Forgotten Truths**_~

_The sound is soft, quiet…_

_Melodic…_

_Beautiful yet…sad, so strangely sad…_

_He sits before a pristine white piano, his fingers move along the keys, play the music, create the pleasing sound. He isn't sure what it is that he's playing, or even why, it's just that…he is…_

_The song is familiar to him, except when his fingers stop, the notes leave his mind and he's left empty, blank… He pauses, the last key hangs in the air, floats off the white walls, the empty room. A sense of dread overcomes him, creates a sensation in his chest, a tightening, a worry._

_He feels guilty and he isn't sure why._

_Nervous,_

_Uneasy,_

_Anxious…_

_He places his hands back on the keys, continues on with where he left off, the notes coming so easily. They're pretty, so pretty to him, yet he finds himself crying as he plays them, crying even as the unsettling feeling leaves him._

_He's not alone in the room and he knows that._

_There's a shadow to his left,_

_And one to the right…_

_Both are watching him, observing…_

_One opens its mouth, says something, instructs him on those outside of the white walls. The other speaks, instructs him on those with ashen skin. He listens to both and yet neither, their words go in one ear and out the other._

_He continues to play the piano, tries to hear what's said while he still moves his fingers along the keys. He can't stop playing to listen, they don't speak when he does, so he has to do both, yet the melodic sound drowns out everything._

"…_trust…the…with…d'air…the…ee…ings…"_

"…_ware…of the…all one…they…king…us…"_

_He stops the movement of his fingers, the last note ringing in the air. He stares at his hands as he places them in his lap, at the normal looking one, at the one covered in vines. His eyes fall shut and he knows, knows that he will only get a glance, will only see the figures fade away._

_He opens his eyes, stares at his fingers, at the white kimono he's in. The note from the piano dies in the air, the anxiety and nervous sensations settle into his chest once more… He lifts his head, quickly turns it to the side and opens his mouth, asks the question he has been asking so often now._

"_Who is it?" But he can only see that smiling face fade away, clear eyes that look melancholic as they turn to smoke before his own._

_xxxxxx_

Allen pulls his eyes open, the pain numbing to a dull throb in his back, on his feet. He's leaning against a strong chest, a large arm wrapped around him, a comforting hand sits on his waist, on his side. He opens his mouth, inhales deeply, feels as if he has held his breath for far too long.

"Feeling better?" A gruff voice asks, the scent of smoke suddenly filling the air. Allen pushes himself up, just a little, and looks up at Cross, at the man he's leaning against.

"Yes, Master…" The boy replies despite the lingering ache in his lower back, where he knows the Lotus is. Komui exhales from behind his desk, removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose.

"That's good, I wasn't sure if it was going to have any affect…"

"It's diluted his scent…" Cross adds, looking down at the boy leaning against him. He pushes him forward, just a little, looks at his back, at where his wings have pushed through his skin. His shirts lifted up, resting just above them. "He's lost a petal though…"

Komui frowns, opens his eyes and looks at the two on his couch, glances briefly at Lavi and Bookman who are standing off to the side. He reaches blindly for his glasses, puts them back on his face and stands.

"We have sixty days left, then…" Allen looks at Cross, watches as the man exhales from his cigarette, watches the smoke rise into the air and dissipate. Lavi looks down at his feet, suddenly angry with how content the boy looks next to the man, how calm he seems. The younger redhead inhales, tries to calm himself, the sensation in his chest gnawing at the back of his mind.

"Pay attention." Bookman hisses from beside him, not even looking at the young man.

xxxxxx

"Lavi stay a minute. I need to speak to you." Komui speaks from behind his desk, his eyes shut as he leans back in his chair. The redhead pauses, about to leave the room with Bookman - Cross has already left to return Allen to his room. He looks down at Bookman, surprised to see that the man is already walking down the hall.

"Don't take forever." Lavi nods and pulls the door shut. He turns back the Asian man, tilts his head some to the side, just ever so slightly, curious as to why he's kept him there.

"You all right?" Komui leans forward, places his head on his hand, his elbow on the desk.

"I'm fine…" Lavi moves away from the door, flops down on the couch. "I just…it's hard, to see Allen act like that…" He closes his eye, tilts his head back and _sinks_ into the seat.

"I understand. It's strange to see Marian so caring. He's never really cared for anything before…"

"Sixty days. It's not going to be long enough…" Komui frowns, stares at the young man, at his posture, at the frown on his face.

"Have you ever thought that it might have been you?" He asks, ignores his own thoughts, his own curiosity. Lavi tilts his head down, stares at the man, at how he's being stared at.

"Allen…he wouldn't have…ever…been in love with me…" The young man frowns, shakes his head and leans forward. He places his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. "He is… _was_," Komui frowns at the note of bitterness in the others voice, "…my friend, almost like my brother…"

"Family," The man adds, understands what the other is saying. "You want to protect him much like I want to protect Linalee from harm… along with other… _things_…" Lavi glances up at this, at the Asian man, smiles minutely at his annoyed, almost mad expression.

"I want to protect him, but how can I when he won't even let me touch him?" He tugs his bandana down, runs his fingers through his hair, tugs at it.

"He did today." The young man looks up, though his too-long bangs, stares at the other, his mouth slightly agape.

"He was in pain." He rationalizes.

"He let you pick him up, bring him here." Komui leans back in his chair, far enough to pop his back, groans quietly at the sudden ease in tension.

"He probably thought I was Cross. We both have red hair… it looked like his eye hurt…" Lavi looks away from the Asian man, at how relaxed he seems at the moment, at how boneless he sits in his chair.

"…It'd be too easy if it was you…" Komui pushes himself up, stands and rubs at his back a little. "You should probably leave now…"

"I'd like to stay for a little while longer…" Lavi looks over at the Asian man, from beneath his bangs, almost uncertain if he'll let him. The man just stares at him briefly…

And then he smiles, a small one that the redhead likes much more than any of his maniacal ones.

"Okay…"

xxxxxx

Kanda's lying on his stomach, the blankets half on his frame, half on the floor. His head facing the window, resting on his left arm. His pillows are on the floor next to the bed, along with most of his sheets. He blinks, frowns at the too bright light that's pouring into the room.

He pushes himself up, the blankets slip from his nude frame. The Japanese man raises his arm to scratch his head, scowls at the ache that runs through it. He curses to himself as he stands, heads towards his clothes. He pulls his pants on, a white button-up shirt onto his shoulders.

There's a knock on the door.

Kanda knows that it's his next Finder.

"What?" He growls, his voice cracks some. He hasn't slept so much since he was at the Order.

"Kanda, sir…?" It's a female's voice, one the makes the man raise an eyebrow. He moves to the door, pulls it open. A small woman stands there dressed as a Finder, a manila folder in her hands. She smiles at the swordsman despite the look she's being given.

"Komui has asked me to deliver this."

"You're not staying?" She shakes her head no, hands the folder to the man.

"He trusts you will keep your word." Kanda frowns, glares at the file before him. Komui has tricked him, has coached the female on what to say to him, on the exact words that will force him back to the Order.

"The place has moved too…on the off chance that the Noah come looking for the Egg… The directions are in the folder along with your next assignment." The swordsman takes the file and moves to shut the door in the woman's face, her hand shoots out, stops him from doing so.

"Please be careful…" Kanda stares at the female, at the expression she's giving him. "The supervisor doesn't want to talk about it but he's concerned… Not just for you but for-"

"Got it." The Japanese man shoves the door shut with a click of his tongue, annoyed. He waits for the woman's foot steps to fade before running his hand through his loose dark hair.

"What the fuck did you do Moyashi…?"

xxxxxx

Allen walks silently behind Cross, behind his _Master_…

He stares down at his feet, his eyes wanting to fall shut, his whole body tired, heavy feeling. The man before him pauses, glances back at the boy, watches as he walks into him by accident.

"I-I'm sorry Master…" Cross turns to face Allen properly, silently debates on lighting a cigarette.

"You don't have to say sorry." The boy nods, his face flushing lightly.

"O-Okay…"

"You can say what you want, do what you want." The man still has a slight buzz from before, from all of the alcohol, from his leftover need for the child that stands before him.

Allen looks up at Cross, blinks, tries to comprehend what he has been told.

"…Want…?" He questions in something akin to a whisper. The breathy voice forces the man to look away, to take into account what he has already done, what should not have happened.

"Do as you like." He closes his eyes, leans against the wall they are next to.

"Master…" Allen stares at the red haired man, tired and yet wanting to understand. "I don't know what you mean…" Cross shakes his head, reaches into his pocket and retrieves his pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and lights it.

The boy inhales the smoke that fills the air, somehow relaxing into the scent. He closes his eyes, his mind falters, fades just a little… He realizes that something has been said, that there are large hands on his shoulders.

"Allen, you're tired right?" He blinks, looks up at the red-haired man, nods, smiles just a little…

"I am awake for Master…" Cross frowns, stares down at the other. He moves his hands from the small shoulders, pulls his cigarette from his lips, thinks.

"Allen…"

"Yes Master?"

"You want to go to sleep?"

"I want what Master wishes me to…" Clear eyes droop, fall shut for just a moment before they are pulled open again. Cross stares at the boy who is falling asleep on his feet, before him.

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"If Master wishes me to…" Allen stares up at him, smiles again, a smile that is unlike those from before. The man inhales from his cigarette, holds the smoke in his mouth before he exhales. He watches the boy take a step back, his balance falters once more. He reaches out and takes hold of his cursed arm.

"Allen I'm getting tired of this, just say what you want." He takes hold of the child's other arm, his cigarette secure between two fingers.

"What…I want…" He blinks, forces his eyes open once more, repeats himself. "What I want…" He leans forward, towards the man, lets his eyes fall shut once more.

"I want Master to be happy…"

Allen places a small, light kiss to the man's lips, a sense of comfort over coming him. Cross pulls back after a second, stands up straight. He stares at the boy, at the _child_ before him - and then he hears it…

The red haired man looks past Allen, over to where another hall connects to the one they are in…

Looks over at Linalee who is staring at them…

Her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide, and she doesn't know what shocks her more, Allen's appearance, or the fact that he has just kissed General Cross, the man he used to loathe so much.

"It's not what it seems." Cross states plainly, his hands still on the boy, still holding him up. The female shakes her head, tears welling up in her eyes, a sudden heavy sensation in her chest.

"No, no…" Her eyes move to her feet, to her dark boots as she takes a step back.

"Linalee…" Cross does not move, does not take a step towards her. His voice commands for her to stay still though, tells her to listen…

But she's shaking her head, is turning around and running away.

xxxxxx

Lavi has laid his arm over his eye, has closed it.

He's awake, but just barely…

Komui glances up, from the document he's going over, watches the redhead for a second. He looks over at the clock on his wall, the one that Linalee had insisted upon, had put up because of how late he was working…

"You awake?" He asks into the silence. Komui watches the young man stir, watches him shift on the couch.

"Mmmhmm…" Is the reply he's given. There's an audible click from the clock, a signal that another hour has passed, that it's starting to grow late.

"Bookman might be wondering where you are…" Lavi shifts, rolls onto his stomach. He gives another sound in response. The Asian man sets his pen down and leans his head against his palm, his elbow on his desk. The only sound in the room comes from the clock, from the young man's steady rhythmic breathing… and the sound of footsteps from the hall…

Komui's eyes shift from the sleeping male to his door as the footsteps stop, pause, as if uncertain. He frowns, wonders who it might be-they knock. He clears his throat, raises it enough to be heard but not disturb the sleeping male.

"Come in." The door cracks open and Linalee steps in. Komui's at her side the second he sees her eyes, sees their red and puffy appearance.

"Something the matter?" He asks, leaning closer to the small female. She purses her lips, a wave of fresh tears fill her eyes.

Linalee leans into her brother, clutches his shirt. "Why is he like that…?" Her voice is cracked, soft and it takes the man a moment to understand.

"…you saw Allen…?" Komui frowns, feels her nod her head against him. She pulls back suddenly, stares up at him, her shoulders trembling.

"He _kissed_ him!" Linalee shouts, her voice echoes off the walls. "He kissed him…" She repeats, her hands tightening in her brother's shirt as she lowers her head. "I don't care about his memory loss, or even that he looks so _strange_… but his personality…" Komui pulls the female closer, wraps his arms around her as her words taper off.

"I'm sorry, Linalee…"

"NO!" She shoves against him, pulls back to look at his face. "He's not _Allen_ anymore! He'd never…never let that man touch him…" Komui swallows, unsure on how to comfort his sister, of what he should say.

"Linalee…"

"Brother…my assignment, can I leave now?" She stares at him, a pained expression set on her features. Komui looks down, away from his sister's face, nods.

"You…can leave when you wish…" He stares at the floor, his muscles suddenly tense. He knows what she's trying to do, knows what she wants accomplish by leaving so suddenly. "Just please be careful…"

"I will, Brother…" Linalee's form slips from his view, leaves the room silently, the door shuts with an audible click. There's a sound from the couch next to him as Lavi sits up, stares at him.

"She's running from her problems…" Komui nods, reaches up and rubs the bridge of his nose, beneath his glasses, feels a headache start to stir. He moves to sit on the couch, next to the red head.

"I'm worried about how she'll react when she learns…everything…" Lavi yawns, stretches his arms up, above his head to stretch his back. He slumps back into the seat, allows himself to fall against the Asian man.

"She's right though… About Allen's personality being so different…"

"I'm not so sure about that…" Komui stares at his hands, tries to ignore how comfortable he feels at the moment, despite his anxiety. Lavi looks at him, stares, curious of what he means.

The Asian man shakes his head. "You should go see Bookman, before it gets any later…"

xxxxxx

Allen's sitting at a table in the cafeteria.

He's staring down at the plate of food that's before him, untouched. It's morning, and he's changed back into his normal appearance hours ago. He had been alone, in his room, surprised at how it had not hurt as much as the previous night.

Cross came to him after that, told him to get dressed and eat…

Allen closes his eyes, tired…as if he hasn't slept at all the previous night. A shadow falls over him and he looks up, stares at Lavi whose standing across the table from him. The red head smiles, uncertain, adjusts the tray of food he's holding.

"Can I sit here?" Clear eyes just stare up at him silently before they turn back to the food on the table. Lavi frowns a second before he sits down. "You know…Cross said you can talk to me…" He speaks softly, so as to not scare the boy, twists some words that have been said before. "Remember…?"

Allen nods, opens his mouth and then shuts it. Lavi watches him, picks his fork up and turns to his own breakfast. He's unsure how to start a conversation with the boy, with the reflection of his friend. Clear eyes turn back to him and he pauses, mid bite.

"Something you want to ask?" Allen shakes his head and picks his own fork up, pokes at the eggs.

Lavi returns to his own food, his mind suddenly occupied. He silently watches the small male in front of him, watches how he tries to appear invisible, how he closes his eyes and flinches ever so slightly when someone walks past. The red-head sets his fork down, leans across the table ever so slightly.

"May I ask you something, Allen?" He asks in a whisper. The boy looks up at him, from beneath his eye lashes, nods minutely. "Why did you let me help you yesterday…?" Allen freezes, fork in hand, his shoulders tense. Lavi leans back, partially afraid that he might be pressuring him.

The boy swallows, sets the fork down. "I don't know…" His voice is soft and it causes the redhead to wonder just how timid he really is. "I…" The boy leans forward, shrinks his appearance, as if he's trying to hide behind the table. "I knew you once didn't I?"

Lavi stares at clear eyes that look up though pale hair at him. He frowns, lightly, unsure how he should respond. Komui told not to speak of how he used to be, of his past… but…

"Yes, you did…" Single green eye turns down. The chatter in the cafeteria seems to grow ever so slightly in the background. "We…were friends…good friends…" Allen nods, his eyes downcast.

"I…I knew Master before too, right?"

Lavi nods, picks his fork up and pokes at his food, not wanting to eat anymore.

"He was…your mentor…"

"He protected me?" Allen's leaning against the table, closer towards the young man, curiosity shown in his eyes. Lavi's confused, unsure why the boy would ask him such a thing.

"…I…he…" He closes his eye, tries to think of an appropriate response. "He probably did…" He adds, watches the other as he nods, leans back some.

"Then I would feel safe with him?"

"…Uh…yeah…" Allen flushes, lightly, reaches up and tucks some hair behind his ear, smiles…

_Smiles_…

Lavi suddenly feels a spark of joy in his chest, a bout of happiness at the sight of the small upturn of lips. "Master protected me then, made me feel safe…" Allen's smile grows just a little as he looks up. "So it would make sense that I still feel safe with Master!"

Lavi blinks, stares at the boy before him, opens his mouth, his words stuck in his throat. "I don't understand…" He says.

"When I am with Master… I feel safe. I didn't understand why before, but I do now…"

"You feel safe?" Lavi leans across the table, closer to the smiling boy.

"Yes, Master makes me feel comfortable, safe… It's different from…"

"From?"

"From how I feel when you are near…" The redhead blinks, sits up a little straighter his mind feels slow though he recalls clearly Komui's words from the previous day. He looks down at his food, tries to think of something to say…except the only words that come to mind are…

"How do you feel around me…?" His voice is soft, curious, almost drowned out by the chatter and clacking of silverware around them.

"It…is…" Allen looks away, at distant people in the room, at finders that pay them no attention. "…content… I think is the word…"

xxxxxx

Komui's lying on his couch, his beret draped over his eyes, his chest rising and falling evenly. He's asleep, has been all morning since no one has come to wake him, to bring him coffee. Linalee normally does, is the one to wake him, except…

She left for her mission…

There's a knock on the door, sudden and loud, causing the Asian man to jump, to sit up suddenly. The doors flung open and shut just as quickly. Komui looks over at Lavi, adjusts his glasses that are tilted on his head.

"L-Lavi? Wha' time is it?"

"Ten…" The red head moves towards the couch, leans over it, his face close to the man's. "Allen remembers emotions." He states it plainly, almost eager, like a little child who has been told about a toy they're going to get. Komui blinks, leans back a little, away from the young man.

"He remembers…what now?"

"Emotions, Komui, how he felt towards people before…everything…" Lavi walks around the couch, flops down next to the man. "I got him to talk to me at breakfast!"

The Asian man nods, his mind still sluggish. He reaches up and scratches his head, runs his fingers though his messy hair, reminds himself that he needs to bathe sometime that day. "That's good, Lavi…"

"More than just good. We can find out who he loved now!" Komui nods, leans back against the couch. He closes his eyes again, still tired, still exhausted.

"How'd you learn this?" He decides that he should ask the proper questions, learn everything in case the bookman in training has come to the wrong conclusion…has let his _emotions_ over rule his judgment.

"He asked me…if he had known Cross before…"

"We're not supposed to talk about his past."

"I know, but…I told him he was his mentor, and then he asked if he would have protected him…" Lavi watches as the man next to him nods, waits for him to continue. "I thought it was a strange question but I answered anyways…"

"Go on," Komui pulls his eyes open, forces himself to stay awake.

"He brought up how he felt safe around Cross, how he still does… and then…he… he smiled, like he used to…" The redhead shifts, so that he's sitting properly on the couch. He looks down, tries to hold onto the small bit of happiness in his chest, despite that it has been brought to the boy's face because of Cross.

"Lavi…" Komui looks at the young man, glad to see an actual smile on his face, a small one, but one that is not forced or fake or uncertain… "Can you go and get me some coffee, otherwise I'm going to my room to sleep some more…" The redhead looks up, nods, smile still present on his features as he moves to leave the room.

xxxxxx

Lavi's sitting down in the cafeteria, slowly eating his breakfast as he flips through a book on the table, one that Bookman has instructed him to have finished by the next morning. A shadow's cast over the table and he looks up, fork still in his mouth. He stares, blinks at the sight before him.

"M-may…I sit…here…?" Allen looks down, at the tray of food he's carrying, shy almost.

"af oors!" Lavi speaks without removing the fork, his single green eye large with enthusiasm. He hastily moves his book from the table, so that the boy can place his tray down.

"Master…said that… I could speak to you…all that I want…" Allen stares down at the toast and scrambled eggs before him, at the sausage links and strips of bacon. Lavi smiles, sets his fork down and grips the edge of his seat. He leans forward some, so as to be able to speak softer.

"You asked him? Last night?"

Allen nods, picks his fork up but does nothing more. "I…asked who he wished for me to speak to…and who not to speak to… Master said I can speak to everyone…" Clear eyes turn up, look at Lavi through colorless hair before turning back down.

The red head smiles as he closes his book, decides to try and make conversation with his past friend. He opens his mouth, to ask a question, a simple one when he realizes that Allen is looking past him. Lavi turns around in his seat and looks across the cafeteria.

His eye lands on two familiar figures that he has not seen in over a month, on Miranda and Krory. Lavi turns back around in his seat and watches Allen a moment, waits for the boy to turn and question him.

"Did I know them too…?"

"Yes, you did…" The young man cannot suppress the smile that blooms on his face, cannot suppress the swell of happiness in his chest, or the sensations that are overcoming him. "Miranda is the female, and Krory is the man with her…"

Allen nods, glances away, down at his food, a small, light flush on his cheeks. "Miranda… Krory…" He repeats the names, licks his lips some and looks back at the redhead. "Miranda makes me feel… happy, much like you…but… it's different… And Krory… I feel as if…" Lavi's smile grows as he hears the boy laugh, a small giggle, a sound so fleeting and soft that it reminds him of a wind chime. "He makes me want to…laugh… is the word I think…"

Allen looks up at him, his smile small but real, so real that it nearly breaks the young man before him. Lavi blinks, looks away, swallows down the unsettling sensations in his chest and gut, ones that tell him this feeling, the smile, won't last.

_And he has no idea how quickly it will vanish_

The next chapter will be: A Heart That Should Not Be

~Lafy


	16. A Heart That Should not Be

**Disclaimer: **I own none of the characters, if I did… well… let's just say Kanda would wear less clothing…

**WARNING!** Obscenities, Blow jobs, the usual…

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

~_**A Heart That Should Not Be**_~

The room is well lit and Allen's sitting next to Cross, is listening to the sounds of silverware clinking together, of people talking. He glances over at the man, still nervous and uncertain. He hasn't been told what to do, hasn't been told what to eat or where to sit in the cafeteria.

…and so he sat next to the General…

The red haired man frowns after a moment, sets his fork down. He turns his attention to the child next to him, clears his throat to let him know he's going to speak.

Allen looks up, eyes bright and innocent, too pure for what has happened, for what he's been through.

Cross feels his control waver, fights with his need to protect the other and use him all the same.

"Have you spent any time outside of your room?"

The boy shakes his head, continues to watch the man as if his life depends on it.

"You need to, don't stay in your room all day…"

"Is…that an order Master…?"

Cross closes his eyes and decides that he cannot finish his meal. "Yes…" He stands and leaves the cafeteria after that.

Allen's left alone for a moment, only a moment though because someone sits down across from him, a shy looking woman. The boy looks down instantly, nervous. He has not spoken to the woman known as Miranda since she returned to the Order, has not said a word to her since he first saw her.

"H-hello…Allen…" The boy glances up, eyes still large and innocent, almost frightened.

Miranda's composure falters and her forced smile slips from her face.

"…Hello…" Allen's voice is soft and hardly heard above the sounds in the cafeteria. The woman blinks, looks down at her food. She wants to ask him if he's okay, but she's been told not to ask many questions.

She knows a little of what happened, not much, just what Komui has said, what the Finders gossip about…

"Do you…remember me?" Her voice falters and it causes those clear eyes to turn back to her. Miranda suddenly feels even more nervous.

"No, Lavi said I knew you, though…" A small smile graces the child's face and it causes the woman to smile in return, lessening the sudden uneasy atmosphere around them.

Miranda picks her fork up and starts to eat, tries to think of something to say, to start a conversation with the one before her. She frowns after a moment and sets her fork back down.

She opens her mouth, to ask a question, a simple one.

"Allen…"

"How long did we know each other?" The boy's staring at her with large and curious eyes, with such barely hidden enthusiasm that she cannot deny answering him, even if Komui has told her not to talk about the past.

"For a while now…almost a year I think…"

"…A year…" Allen looks down, at his plate of food that has barely been touched. "We knew each other well?"

"I would like to think so…"

Miranda reaches for her drink when Krory walks over to sit with them. He smiles, tries to at least, in a polite manner to the boy on the other side of the table. He's thinking along the same lines as the woman.

They both want to get the reintroductions done and over with already.

xxxxxx

Lavi's standing in the hall, staring down at his feet. He's trying to think of why he is where he is, trying to think of a reason to open the door and see the other, the one he can't seem to ignore.

The redhead swallows thickly, and shakes his head lightly. He takes a few more steps down the hall and knocks lightly on the large door before him.

"Come in," Komui's voice calls from the other side. Lavi pushes the door open and pokes his head in, smiles in a false manner, smiles a large and bright smile.

He sees that the room is empty and enters without hesitation, his smile slipping from his face, to be replaced with a more natural expression. "What are you doing?" The redhead cannot help but stare at the dark haired man before him sitting on the floor, surrounded by far too many chemicals and substances.

"I'm trying to make something for Allen, to help him in his changing process at night."

"Shouldn't pain killers be enough?"

"No, not with the data that I've been able to collect, and from what I've learned from Bookman he's going to need something much stronger."

Lavi stares at Komui, watches the man lift a vial of a strange liquid up to the light and frown. He moves to sit on the ground as the couch is blocked off by far too many unmarked bottles of chemicals.

"How much stronger?"

"More than morphine…"

"…Would you like help?…" Lavi can't help but ask, can't stop himself from looking for a reason to be in the room.

Komui looks up from what he's doing, about to pour a little bit of one liquid into another. He stares at the young man a moment, as if deciding on something.

"All right, but get me some coffee first. I haven't slept…"

A smile blooms on the redhead's face as he nods and hurries from the room.

xxxxxx

Kanda's sitting by himself on a train, his eyes scanning the report the female finder has given him that morning. He's mad, glaring at the paper, pissed at how stupid the mission is, at how Komui has planed it out so perfectly.

The mission is simple, to check on a town and make sure no Akuma have started to crop up in the area again.

He growls in the back of his throat, glares holes into the paper before him, flips the page. His expression goes blank at the small scribbled notes on it, at Komui's handwriting. Kanda's frown increases. He shuts the folder with far too much force and tosses it onto the empty seat beside him.

No finder and the directions to the Order.

Komui has gotten sloppy, his mind obviously distracted.

"Fucking Baka Moyashi…" The Japanese man hisses to himself. He looks over at the window, at the scenery flying by. "What the fuck did you do…?"

He cannot suppress the urge to hit something and so he does, the wall next to the window, his anger seething into something akin to a dull annoyance. He's pissed more at himself then anything, at what he feels constricting in the back of his mind.

xxxxxx

The platform is quiet and almost empty, it's getting late.

The train is to arrive in a few minutes but it doesn't matter.

She's outside of the Order and she feels like she's miles away from everything…

And everyone…

Linalee closes her eyes, ignores the Finder that is standing next to her. The man has tried to speak to her a few times, has been brushed off coolly each time. He frowns, stares at the small distracted female for a moment, annoyance clear in his features.

The train slows as it approaches them, creating a slight breeze as it comes to a stop.

Linalee looks up, thinks of trying to force a smile onto her face but decides better then to do so. She's tired, far too tired of faking her smiles and expressions now. The train comes to a complete stop and the two climb on, showing the man in uniform their badges before continuing off towards the an empty compartment.

xxxxxx

Allen's standing alone in a hall, is staring out the window, watching the cloudy sky with the curiosity of a child. He's silent, ignores those that pass by, curious of his outfit, of his shorts that stop mid thigh and boots.

He's doing what Cross has told him, is spending the day outside of his room.

The boy leans closer to the window, watches as a drop of water hits the glass abruptly. He's amazed and fascinated all the same, too curious for someone of fifteen years.

For a second everything is silent…

And then there's thunder and Allen cannot help but jump, shocked and then…

The lightning flashes through the sky, causes his heart jump, reminding him of the Circus Master and all of the things that she could have done to him, could still do to him. He backs up from the window when the thunder sounds again, bumping into someone, a Finder.

Allen gives a shout, a small scream of fear and surprise before hurrying off down the hall.

xxxxxx

Linalee sits silently in the train compartment, her legs crossed and her arms folded over her chest. Her eyes are shut and she's frowning, annoyed at herself for a reason she cannot pin point. The female shifts in her seat, opens her eyes briefly.

The Finder is staring at her and she cannot explain why.

"Something the matter?" The female does not mean to sound rude or condescending but her voice comes out as such.

"…No, nothing at all…" The man looks away, out the window as the world passes by. They stay on the train for a time, well on into the night before it docks at the town they are switching trains at.

The exorcist is the first to exit, not wanting to deal with anyone or anything at the moment.

She's wanting nothing more than to just leave her emotions behind, than to just forget how angry she feels at Cross, at Allen for acting the way is he.

The boy that left on a mission all that time ago is not the boy that came back, the one that is walking around the Order in a daze, the one that allows no one to touch him, to go near him…

The one that allows that man to kiss him.

Linalee closes her eyes, fights back the unsettling emotions as they move from one train platform to another.

"Is something bothering you, Miss Linalee…?"

The female blinks, looks over at the Finder, a look of surprise on her face.

She had forgotten that the man was with her.

xxxxxx

Lavi's sitting with Komui in his office.

The man's desk has been cleared off, vials upon vials of liquids and chemicals are spread about the table, notes littering the floor around it as the man tries to keep track of what they're doing.

The young man is amused greatly at the moment, is unsure why though. He no longer feels the weight of what has happened to Allen hanging over his head. He only feels a sort of lightheartedness as he helps the Asian man create something useful.

He knows that he shouldn't be letting himself get carried away but he cannot help it, cannot help that his mind is most at ease when he's doing something. Lavi watches as Komui jots down a few more notes, about the chemicals he's tampering with.

Thats when there is a knock on the door.

The man looks up, calls for the person to enter, and Cross does, looking a bit like he has had a few drinks already.

"Have you seen Allen?" The mans speech is fine but Komui knows better, has known the other for years. He frowns, for more then one reason.

"No, I haven't…"

Lavi glances over at the clock, sees that it is getting close to dinner. He gives a small sigh, unsure why he feels so reluctant to leave the other.

"I can go look for him… we need him here for nightfall anyways, right…?"

Komui nods, knows that he gets to test his concoction soon.

Cross frowns though, annoyed at something that Lavi is unaware of, something that Komui is beginning to wonder about.

"All right, I'll tell Bookman where you are if he shows up…"

Cross stares at the two before turning and leaving the room. The heavy door falls shut slowly and nothing is said. Komui continues on with his notes, but stops once he realizes that Lavi has not moved yet.

"Something the matter?" The man asks, raises his hand to push his glasses up and rub at his eyes some.

Lavi stares at him, shakes his head suddenly before turning to leave the room.

xxxxxx

Allen's standing just outside the doors to the Order, is staring up at the sky with a mixture of awe and fear. He knows that it's storming now, he has heard the Finders in the Order talking, knows that it's something that happens, that one should not fear it.

He cannot contain his curiosity though, wonders how much power is in the storm, how strong the lightning is and how loud the thunder can get. The boy takes a few steps from the safety of the awning by the door and out into the rain, moves to sit down on the steps, stares up at the sky.

He's well aware that the wind is strong and that the air is cold, that it stings his skin, but he doesn't know what he's doing, what he is supposed to do.

The door behind him is pulled open, yanked, and someone is shouting at him. Allen turns around, stares at the person in the door way, at Lavi whose expression he does not understand.

"Come here!"

The boy stands, walks over to the redhead, his hair and clothes soaked, plastered to his skin.

"Lavi reaches out to grab the boys arm but he suddenly steps back, eyes wide and a look of fear passing through his eyes.

"D-don't…" Allen looks down, shakes his head, tells himself that no one is to touch him but his Master.

"Then come inside!" Lavi's single green eye is large and he looks…

"Why…?"

"It's an order." Cross has pulled the door open the rest of the way, is staring down at the boy whose clothes are soaked and sticking to him.

Allen says nothing more, simply walks inside and stares up at the man before him. He notes in the back of his head, how warm it is inside, how different his body feels.

"Why were you out there!" Lavi sounds hysterical, shocked and-

"Follow me, you need to change." Cross turns, does not need to worry if the child will follow him, does not need to wonder if Lavi will stop him. He does realize something.

The General stops, quickly, turns around and stares at the shocked young man he's leaving behind. "I'll get him changed and dry, have his dinner brought to Komui's office, along with some medicine."

Lavi cannot help but nod, cannot help but feel his previous good mood suddenly collapse and fall apart around him. He's suddenly worried for the boy's purity more then ever now.

xxxxxx

Allen's shivering when they reach his room, his hands wrapped tightly around his body. Cross is well aware of the fact that he'll be sick, will develop a fever and be in need of some kind of care.

He shuts the door quickly, turns around in the dimly lit room, shoos Timcanpy away. The man reaches for Allen, undoes his shirt, peels it down over his arms and drops it to the floor with a wet sound.

Cross tries his best to ignore the fact that the _child__'__s_ nipples are standing and looking rather appealing to him.

He curses himself for having had that wine at lunch.

Allen looks up at the red-haired man, waits for an instruction of some kind, when nothing is said though he feels uncertain, nervous because of the look on the others face.

"S-Something the matter, Master…?"

"Why did you go out in the rain?" The man reaches for the boy's shorts, undoes the belt with a little more force then what's necessary, tugs it from the slim waist and lets it fall to the floor with the shirt.

"Master told me to stay out of the room…"

"And why did you go outside." Cross has to close his eyes, grab hold of his mind as he undoes Allen's shorts, begins to tug then down past his hips.

The boy blinks, looks up at him, uncertain of what the man is asking.

"I don't know, I have never seen the sky before, or the …rain…" At this he flushes, looks down at his feet that are still in his wet boots, the man's hands still on his shorts, tugging them down just far enough to fall from his hips and then to the ground.

Allen looks up, tries to understand the expression on Cross's face, misinterprets the man's actions.

The General freezes the second he feels small hands tugging at his belt, pulling it loose. He has to mentally remind himself what the other is doing, has to tell himself that Allen is a child, that he was completely drunk last time, that it had been an accident, that-

The boy is suddenly tugging his pants down just a little, is on his knees, lips parted and mouth open.

Cross forgets himself once again and blames this on that little bit of wine he had during lunch, on the fact that Allen looks too damned attractive on his knees with his lips stretched around his cock.

His hands are suddenly fisting the damp wet hair and his dick is being swallowed once more, sucked on by someone whose mouth is far more skilled then any woman he has ever purchased.

xxxxxx

Linalee frowns as she watches the night sky fly by. They have already stopped at thee different towns, brief stops, but still something. She feels annoyed, restless on the train, at the fact that she has not done anything yet, that her mind keeps returning to the problems she has been avoiding.

The female closes her eyes, vaguely wonders how long it will take for the Finder to return from the food car. He had left some time ago, had told her that he'd be back. She had just nodded, had just continued to stare out the window, her mind occupied by things she would rather just forget.

The door slides open and the man walks back in, hands her small bag of food he brought back for her. Linalee takes it, "Thank you, but I'm not actually hungry…"

"How about a drink…?"

She sighs lightly, something that can be taken a few different ways, and accepts the drink without another word.

xxxxxx

Lavi's sitting in Komui's office.

The man has cleaned up some, his papers and notes piled off to the side of a bottled liquid, a syringe sitting next to it. There is a tray of food covered by a lid in the middle of the desk. The man himself is leaning back in his chair, his glasses removed and sitting on the table.

"I…" The redhead closes his eyes, reminds himself that he needs to _think_ before speaking_,_ that if he just starts talking something bad or obscene might come out.

"I'm worried about Allen being alone with Cross…" He says after a moment.

Komui blinks, looks over at the blurred young man sitting on the couch. He sighs and picks his glasses up, stands and moves over to sit with him. He silently berates himself for doing so.

"It's understandable, with the man's reputation."

"I…I'm just worried about him…" Lavi reaches up, tugs at his hair a moment before letting his bandanna fall around his neck, Komui looks away, reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"I've been wondering lately, when Allen regains his memories, will he remember everything and hate himself for some of the stuff he's done…?"

"I'm worried about that too, with everything that's happened…" Komui leans back, into the couch, closes his eyes. He's in need of another cup of coffee, or some sleep…

"Do you think, if he does remember everything, would it be best if he forgets…?"

"I don't know…" Komui puts his glasses back on, moves to stand up but doesn't, a thought coming to mind once more. He turns to face the young man next to him, studies his face a moment before choosing his words slowly.

"Lavi, how much do you really care for Allen?"

xxxxxx

Cross licks his lips as he sits on the edge of the boy's bed once more, watches with unbidden pleasure as Allen licks the head of his cock, as the boy gives him opened mouth kisses. He groans lightly as those lips wrap snugly around him once more, as the boy's tongue rubs at the underside of his dick.

"F-fuck…"

Allen closes his eyes, sucks a little harder as he pulls more into his mouth, his hands rubbing the man's thighs through his pants. Cross growls, ignores as Timcanpy moves over to sit atop the boys dresser. He grips the child's hair once more, pushes those wonderful lips down a little farther onto him. He blinks, makes another muffled sound as he feels the boys throat tighten around him, swallowing him.

Cross tilts his head back, pulls Allen's mouth back to the head of his dick and then pushes him back down. He is amazed at how skilled that mouth is, at how good the boy is at sucking him, at how he can tangle his fingers in the white strands and practically fuck his face.

"A-Allen, I need to cum now…"

The boy gives a soft hum in response, sucks a little harder, swallows the man's cock, lets it slip down his throat, uses his muscles to drive the other over the edge.

Cross lets out a groan, quiet and stifled to keep everyone else from hearing, as he cums with those lips wrapped so tightly around him. He blinks, watches Allen flushed face and swollen lipped as he sucks on the head of his cock, as he licks up all of his liquid.

"Is Master satisfied…?" The child's voice is breathy as he licks is lips, cleans his face.

The General does not reply, his eyes traveling up and down the others body, pausing on his still raised and flushed nipples, at his all to swollen lips and cheeks, at the fact that the boy is as hard as he was when the had first started.

"Touch yourself."

Allen blinks, his lips parted to ask the man something else. He flushes, moves his hand between his legs, grasps himself. Cross reaches down, pulls the boy up and into his lap, his back pressed to his chest.

"M-Master…" Allen blinks, mouth open as his dick is grasped, squeezed lightly.

"Be quiet." The red haired man hisses at him as he pushes as finger into his mouth.

The boy nods, whimpers lightly as the other strokes him, fingers teasing the head of his cock, spreading his fluids over it. He shivers, his own hand resting atop the man's as it moves up and down his cock easily, as the grip tightens and loosens lightly.

The finger is pulled from his lips, moves to rub at a nipple teasingly.

Allen's body arches into the man's touch, his mouth dropping open as he lets out a moan, one that is not loud but definitely not silent.

"M-Master…"

Cross growls, squeezes the boy's dick a little, causing him to jump slightly. "Quiet, I said."

Allen nods, lips open as his nipple is pinched, teased as the hand on him speeds up just a little. He whimpers, his hips thrusting up just a little, trying to get more of that feeling, of Cross's large hand, of the warmth radiating off it.

The man presses himself up against the child's bare ass, his once flaccid cock begging for more attention. He hisses as Allen presses back against him, rubs him teasingly with the one place he can't touch.

The boy is suddenly spun around, is laid on his back, his knees parted and-

"M-Master!" His spine arches as his dick is licked, as a moist wet heat surrounds him suddenly.

"Shut up already!" Cross hisses, runs his tongue along the underside of the boys arousal, lips sealing over the head and then lower.

Allen whimpers, parts his legs to give the man more access, shivers at the feel of his facial hair, at the strong suction that is surrounding him. He shuts his eyes, hands moving to cover his mouth as he moans again, loud yet muffled.

If they had been anywhere else the General would not have cared, would have loved the fact that Allen Walker was a screamer, that the boy couldn't help but moan like the whore he'd become. He reached over, placed his hand over the two smaller ones and pressed down, his mouth never letting the cock slip from between his lips.

"Mph! Mmmm-Ah-Ah-Ah-" Allen's eyes glazed over, his head spinning as his hips press up, the man's mouth doing wonders for him as he cums, pressing his cock as far into the man's mouth as possible.

Cross leans back, moves into a sitting position as Allen just continues to lie there, head spinning and body throbbing. He wants to have the boy kneel before him again, wants to let him suck him some more but it's getting close to nightfall, and Komui needs to find out if his concoction works.

"Get dressed, I'll be waiting in the hall…" The red haired man stands up, fixes his pants and leaves the room quickly.

xxxxxx

Lavi's staring up at the ceiling, his mind spinning at the question he has been asked, spinning for some strange reason. He closes his eye, leans heavily against the furniture he's sitting on, shakes his head a little.

"I care about him a lot, more then a Bookman should care for anyone."

"Are you in love with him though, because that's what it sounds like…" Komui glances over at the young man, frowns lightly to himself at the annoyed expression the other is giving.

"No, I…" Lavi turns to look at Komui, his expression softening some. "I know it's not love, I can't fall in love with anyone."

"What if you have…"

"It's not though…"

"How do you know if you've never been in love with someone?"

Lavi shakes his head, looks down at his hands, "Because I don't-" He stops himself there, frowns suddenly, his eyebrows furrowing as he thinks, recalls certain emotions. He looks up over at Komui who has taken his glasses off again, who is cleaning them on his shirt.

Something clicks then, something that he has ignored because of everything that has happened, something that has been triggered by what's happened.

And for once, Lavi feels like he's stupid because he hasn't noticed it sooner, because he hasn't paid enough attention to himself, to his own emotions and thoughts.

He closes his eyes, and shakes his head in an dejected manner, glances over at Komui whose inspecting his glasses still, obviously tired from his expression. Lavi leans over then, places his hand on the man's leg, draws his attention towards him.

They kiss, and it's brief and fleeting and Lavi can feel his heart pounding, can feel all of the emotions he's suppressed leaking out. He presses himself against the man, his eyes shut and his mind spinning. He wants nothing more then for the other to reciprocate, to do _something_…

And when Komui does, it is a gentle hand on the back of his neck, a slight pressure to his lips and _oh god__…_Lavi feels like he's in heaven when the man rests his hand on his side. The young man feels his face flushing as his mind slows down, almost comes to a complete stop…

Except…

The footsteps outside of the room alert him to the fact that someone is approaching them. Lavi presses again Komui once more, whimpers lightly when he feels a tongue slide against his lips. He parts them, lets the older male touch his shyly, lets him tease his mouth.

The footsteps are louder now, and there are two.

Lavi shifts, moves so that he's almost sitting on Komui's lap, whimpers as they let their tongues touch again, slide against each others. The man fists his red hair, suddenly deepening the kiss before they part.

The young man is panting and red faced and he shoots up into a standing position when the door opens and Cross is standing there with Allen.

"I'll be right back with some coffee." He states before hurrying out of the room.

_And he has no clue as to what is about to happen_

The next chapter is called We All Fall Down

~Lafy


	17. We All Fall Down

**Disclaimer: **I don't own DGM

**WARNING!** Cursing, attempted rape

I would like to point out that even though Allen's night form has Moyashi in it, they're not obvious as to what they are. Beansprouts in plant form are just that, a plant. They look like most other small and green plants, assuming that this won't be removed from my text, here is a link (from google) on what they look like: Freaking FFN removing my link 8i** colinjong dot com slash wp-content slash uploads slash 2009 slash 09 slash ovbeansprouts02 dot j pg**

Also, I found an amazing visual for all of you when it comes to Allen's leaf wings. On facebook there is a costume designer called Firefly Path, her wing creations are the closest to Allen's I have seen. I'd try for another link but it's facebook and they have god awful long links.

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

_Ring around the roses_

_A pocket full of posies_

_Ashes to ashes_

_**~We All Fall Down~**_

Linalee's sitting on the train, her eyes glazed over as she stares out the window. She feels light headed and…dazed… Her mind's sluggish and she can't seem to figure out why. She leans back in her seat, hand still holding the drink she was given not long ago.

The finder that was assigned to her sits on the other side of the compartment, and watches with hidden interest. He looks over at the window, at the fading daylight. Linalee shifts in her seat, moves to sit on the edge.

"I…I'm…" She closes her eyes, tries to compose herself long enough to be able to complete her sentence. "I'll be… right back." She manages.

The man watches as she stands clumsily, staggers towards the door and out into the hall.

He smirks to himself once the door's shut.

xxxxxx

Komui leans back, away from Allen, gently pulls the needle from the others neck, from where he's injected him with a liquid pain killer. The boy blinks, stares at Cross curiously. He opens his mouth, to ask the man something…

…except…

His eyes glaze over and his form relaxes, sinks into the couch he's sitting on. Cross smirks and reaches in his pocket, pulls out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter.

"Looks like it works…"

"Seems so…" Komui moves to stand before the boy, pulls a pen light out and shines it at clear eyes. He watches the pupil dilate, slower than normal. "He'll be like this for a little while, long enough for him to change…"

Cross nods, sets the cigarette between his lips. "He's to come back at dawn, right?"

"…yeah…" Komui turns towards his desk. "You can take him back to his room if you want, he should be fine." The general nods, watches Allen's lax form briefly.

"You have any idea who it might be?" His words break the silence, one that's been calm-something that's an irregularity now.

Komui pauses at this, half way to sitting in his chair. He frowns before flopping down. "No, not yet…" He lets out a soft sigh, tilts his head back. "I was kind of hoping it'd be Lavi…but that'd be too easy…"

Cross makes a sound in response, lights the cigarette that's between his lips. He inhales and holds the smoke a moment, thinks about something before exhaling. "It's not, the woman…before we left said something about the man having dark hair…"

Komui blinks at this, stares at the general a moment before turning to look at the boy sitting on his couch. He stares at him, lets out a soft sigh before shaking his head. "He really was good at hiding his emotions, wasn't he?"

"Good is an understatement now, we need to find out soon," Cross lowers his cigarette and reaches up with his other hand to scratch his head. "Make a list of everyone it could be…"

"Do I have to include myself?"

"Yes."

The Asian man leans back in his seat, tries to think of something else to say, but the door to his office is opened. The General leaves the room before he can try and collect his thoughts.

xxxxxx

Lavi's walking down the hall, nervous and uncertain of what to do with himself. He knows what he's done is wrong, that he _shouldn't_ be attracted to anyone, that he's a _bookman_ still. The redhead lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"How are things going so far?"

A chill runs down the young man's spine, reminding him that he can't let his emotions show, that he still has to deal with Bookman on a daily basis. He turns around and stares at the older man.

"Komui made a drug… to help Allen change at night."

The small man nods and starts to walk down the hall. Lavi knows that he is to follow.

"Anything else recently?"

The redhead pauses, runs through the recent events in his mind before landing on one that might be worth mentioning. "Linalee saw Allen kiss Cross…"

Bookman nods in response, turns a corner and heads in the direction of Komui's office. Lavi follows obediently, unsure of what else to say, his thoughts too scattered and muffled at the moment, to disconnected from kissing the other man. He shakes his head and pushes them away.

The door to the Komui's office opens and they watch Cross as he slips past them, Allen's limp form in his arms. Lavi cannot help the frown from forming on his face or the slight anger that bubbles up in his chest. He clenches his hands into fists and follows Bookman into the room.

The man's sitting at his desk, staring down at the hardwood surface of it, obviously thinking. He looks up seeing the two enter the room, his eyes lingering on Lavi's expression a moment before shifting to look at Bookman.

"Oh, I didn't expect to see the two of you so soon…"

Lavi blinks, slightly confused for a moment, watches as Komui reaches for a folder on his desk.

"The assignment I have for the two of you isn't hard so I'm only sending one Finder to help." Bookman steps forward, takes the folder that Komui's holding out to him. Lavi moves farther into the room, leans over the small man and stares down at the folder as it's opened.

"…that's a long way away…" He comments seeing the destination. "Why isn't anyone from the Asian branch heading there?" Lavi looks over at Komui who gives a small smile.

"The few exorcists over there have been overloaded lately so I told Bak to send some of the work here…"

"We're being sent because we know the language." Bookman closes the folder and hands it to the redhead, turns and stares at him a moment. "You should go and get packed, I'll stay for the debriefing."

Lavi nods, glances at Komui a moment before leaving the room.

He feels like Bookman's warning him.

xxxxxx

The compartment doors slid open and Linalee blinks, stands there for a moment. She watches the room shift before her eyes, has to take a step to keep from falling over. She feels sick, nauseas, and the movement of the trains not easing the sensation.

"Here, let me help you…" The voice echoes inside of her skull, hand slipping over her shoulder as the door is slid shut behind her. Linalee blinks, turns to look at the Finder as he pulls his mask down, exposes his face.

He smiles at her and she can feel a very real sense of danger.

"I-I'm okay…" She tries to take a step, to move away from him, but the hand on her shoulder tightens.

"You know, I don't have much patience…" The Finder turns her - pushes her back slowly to her seat. "But I try, and I was hoping you'd be as kind as they say, but…" Linalee's set down, pushed into her seat. Hands slide down her shoulders, down her arms and to her wrists where they grab on tight.

"L-let go…" She pushes, tries to grasp what's happening.

"…You aren't nice at all. In fact you're a bit of a bitch, a pretty one though."

Linalee gives another shove, tries to lift her leg up high enough to push him with her knee. The man smirks though, hands gripping tighter on her wrists. He yanks, pulls her down some.

"Now just be good for _once_ and don't move." The Finder gives another tug, pulls her to the floor. He kneels over her, holds her hands together with just one of his.

Linalee blinks, tries to push, to shove the man away once more…but… She feels sluggish and dizzy, the room spinning before her eyes. She lifts her leg, makes another attempt at kneeing the man.

It's ineffective though, no matter how much force she tries to put behind it. The female swallows, squeezes her eyes shut, tears cloud her already hazy vision. She opens her mouth, tries to invoke her innocence…

Her feet buzz, tingle where the boots are situated, a strange sensation overcoming her. A hand takes hold of her knees, tugs her leg to the side, parting them.

"It's useless… trying to invoke…" The Finder smiles kindly at her, at the tears slipping down her cheeks. "Drugs and alcohol limit your ability to use your innocence, after all it's a part of you."

Linalee opens her mouth, let's out a strangled cry as she feels his hand on her, pulling at her underwear – _groping_ her. She pushes again, tries to, attempts to say something, anything. The only words that she can come up with are, "Please…" and "Don't!"

Her underwear's ripped as the train slows down, a stop approaching.

"Please don't!" She twists her body, makes an attempt at closing her legs. The Finder reaches up and pulls her hair violently, tells her to be quiet.

"Don't…" She begs feeling strands of her hair being ripped out.

The man lets out a slight growl, his hand moving to her chest, tugging her shirt up and over her head.

"Please!" Linalee squeezes her eyes shut and tries to invoke once more. The tingling sensation returns, stronger than before, akin to that of a limb having fallen asleep.

"Don't! Please…" She cries, her voice cracking.

The room's blurry from unshed tears as she gives another push, the train coming to a complete stop.

"Shut-up!" The Finder snaps, let's go of her hands for just a moment, rips her shirt and shoves the torn fabric into her mouth. Linalee gives a strangled cry, her words muffled and muted. She gives another shove, hands feeling weak and useless.

The man reaches back, smacks her on the head. He yanks her hands back up, holds them above her head. Linalee cries, shouts into the gag, desperate as the Finder reaches for his own pants, starts to tug his belt loose. She moves her knees again, tries to push him back once more. Her legs are grabbed and yanked to the side violently, the man clearly frustrated and losing his patience.

"Just fucking give up already!" He snaps, hitting her again, hard enough to bruise the side of her face.

The train gives a tug as it starts to move again, the females screams lost in the sound.

She hears it then, the sound of a zipper being undone. Linalee gives another shout, muffled only by her sobs. She tries to say something again, pleads into her own torn shirt.

And for a moment the Finder stills in his movements, footsteps in the hall, heavy and loud.

Linalee gives a muffled shout, a cry begging for someone's help. She's hit in response, hard and dizzying, leaving her head spinning. Her eyes lose focus and her body stills, her arms stop pushing against the man, endless tears spilling from her eyes.

The compartment doors slid open and the man above her freezes, cold steel pressed against his cheek.

"Get the fuck up."

xxxxxx

Lavi's walking down the hall, thumbnail bit between his teeth.

His single green eye is focused on the floor, mind busy-calculating. He's planning out his next few days, his next mission… He's trying to think of ways to minimize his time away from the Order.

He doesn't want to be gone for very long, not when Allen is _so_ attached to Cross.

"Ah-he-hello…"

Lavi looks up upon hearing a familiar stuttering voice. He plasters a false smile onto his face. "Hello Miranda, how was your last assignment?"

"Ah-it was okay…" The older woman looks around quickly before taking a step forward. "Um-uh-do-do you mind if I ask you something…?"

Lavi blinks, nods-vague curiosity filling his chest.

"Is it true…w-what they say? The-the finders?"

A frown forms on the redheads face and he shakes his head, arms crossing over his chest. "No-they…don't listen to them…" He lets out a sigh, one of annoyance.

"REALLY!" Miranda's voice jumps suddenly, her eyes wide and panicked. "THEN WHA-" Lavi slaps his hand over the females mouth.

"Please don't freak out right now… Just-take a breath and ask your question." He feels exhausted and doesn't want to have to deal with the others mood swings.

Wide brown eyes stare back at him before the female nods her head. She inhales quickly, holds it a moment before looking at him again. "Is it really true that Allen doesn't remember anyone?"

Lavi nods, the small frown on his face deepening.

"Even Kanda…?"

"Hunh?"

"Well…he…just seemed to I-I don't know-ah good day!" Miranda turns suddenly and heads off in the other direction. Lavi shakes his head, mind returning to his previous thoughts.

xxxxxx

Linalee rolls onto her side as the man stands slowly, turns to face dark eyes. She pulls her legs up to her body and spits the gag out, wraps her arms around herself. Her cries are louder now, blaring against the sudden silence of the compartment.

"Open the window." His voice is deadly, devoid of any feeling.

The Finder turns slowly, does as told, blade pressing into the side of his neck.

The window's opened, a sudden gust of fridged air fills the room.

Kanda glares as he pushes, slices the man's head clear off, watches as it falls out the window. He takes a step forward and tosses the body along with it, careful of the blood. He turns and shuts the door to the compartment, locks it. Kanda picks up the discarded gag next to Linalee and cleans Mugen, sheathes it.

"Why didn't you fight?" He sounds annoyed, tired almost.

"I-I…couldn't…" The female shivers, arms wrapping tighter around her body.

"You have your innocence."

"It wouldn't…work…" Linalee closes her eyes, her body numb and the room still spinning. Kanda frowns, reaches to lift the other up.

"Don't touch me!" She snaps, yanks her arm back violently.

A brief silence fills the compartment as the Asian man shuts the window, broken suddenly by a wave of fresh sobs. He turns and stares down at the huddled female on the floor, unsure of what to do.

He doesn't know how to _comfort_ her, or anyone else for that matter.

"I'm sorry…oh god… I'm so sorry…_Allen_…"

Kanda blinks, suddenly confused. "What does the Moyashi have to do with this…?"

xxxxxx

Allen's head is spinning when the medicine starts to wear off. His body feels oddly numb as he pushes himself up, glances around his empty room. His boots are sitting by the door, his previous wet clothes still hanging up in the corner. He stands, feet numb to the cold tile, steps towards the dresser and pulls the top drawer open.

Clear eyes stare down at the pristine white fabric, at the red next to it.

The boy pulls his kimono out and changes into it, ties the obi in the front crookedly. He moves to sit on the bed and waits for Cross to return.

xxxxxx

Komui lets his head hit the desk with a soft thunk. His glasses press against the bridge of his nose uncomfortably, digging into his face. The door to his office is opened and Reever steps in, a couple of files in hand. He stares down at the supervisor as he approaches his desk, at the man's closed eyes.

Reever takes the files and gently hits the Asian on the head with them. "I know you're up."

Komui makes a gargled sound, shifts in his seat. "What are these now…?"

"Just some reports a few Finders have sent in." The blond man glances at the paper his friends been writing, takes note of the list of names. "What are you making?"

"A list of possibilities…" Komui replies, sitting up and removing his glasses.

"For?"

The room goes silent as they listen to the distant wind outside. Reever doesn't move, continues to stand there, his features slowly turning into a scowl. "Look," He says, irritated. "I get that you feel guilty about Allen, about how upset everyone is, but you can't do everything on your own." The files are tossed hazardously at the Asian man.

Reever turns and heads to the door, yanks it open.

"Wait- Reever…" Komui's still sitting in his chair, still looking exhausted and dejected. The blond man turns, hand still on the door knob.

He waits for something more to be said.

"It's a list of all the dark haired men in the Order that Allen might have met."

"Okay?"

"I'm trying to figure out who he liked."

Reever frowns, shuts the door and heads towards his friend. "Are you going to tell me everything now? Because we have a pretty good idea about what's happened to Allen."

"We?" Komui looks at the other, his mind sluggish from his constant lack of sleep.

"The science department? Your friends?"

The Asian man gives a small smile hearing this. "Right," he says, "I almost forgot."

xxxxxx

The door to his room is opened and the dim hall light hits his eyes, waking him. Allen blinks, hair mussed up from sleep as he sits up. He stares at Cross standing in the door way, nearly jumps out of bed at the sight of him.

"Come on, it's almost morning…" The General doesn't comment on the boy's outfit, knows that there isn't enough time for him to changes clothes before the sun starts to come up. He turns and leaves the room, doesn't feel the need to tell the other to follow.

Allen hastily follows, feet bare and silent on the tile.

xxxxxx

Cross opens the door to Komui's office without knocking, takes a step into the room before stopping. For the first time since he's arrived Komui isn't alone, the science department members are in the room, have relocated their desks there. The Asian man is flipping through a stack of photos, calling out a name every now and then that Jonny writes down.

"Well…" Cross says, gaining the attention of the others. "It's about damn time you asked for help." The General turns around, watches Allen as he peaks into the room. "Come in here and shut the door."

The boy does as he's told, turns his eyes down as his hands start to tug at the edge of his kimono nervously.

The room goes still as the members of the science department get their first real look at Allen. They take in the faint petals in his hair, the shimmer of his skin, the green plant twisting down his arm, the abstract design that crawls its way up his legs.

"If it wasn't so tragic I'd say he looks beautiful."

Cross glares at the scientist who spoke. He turns his attention back to Komui as he stands and walks towards Allen. "Come on, back to work." He calls out to the others.

"Can you tell me if there was anything that you didn't like from this morning? From the medicine I gave you?"

Allen shakes his head, "No, it was nice, not being in pain."

"Do you mind if I do it again? Give you another shot?" Komui's voice is gentle, almost like he were speaking to a child, not to someone whose supposed to be fifteen.

The boy turns and looks are Cross. "Does Master mind?" He asks.

"No." The red haired man says, exhausted feeling. Allen turns back to Komui, "Then you can do it again."

xxxxxx

The boy's form starts to go limp as Komui pulls the needle from his neck. He puts it back in his desk as Cross catches the child before he topples over. He lifts him up easily, turns towards the door, stops.

"You know," He says. "It's about damn time you start trusting others with this. You're not the only one whose upset over what's happened to him." He adjusts his grip on Allen's legs, takes note of how the designs on his feet are starting to unwind.

Cross leaves the room before anyone can say anything else.

xxxxxx

"You should go back to the Order." Kanda's sitting across from Linalee, eyes focused on the window, at the frosted glass.

"I can't." Linalee's voice is soft, her throat dry. Her eyes are swollen and red, puffy from crying. She's changed into clean clothes, has her hair pulled back into a single pony tail.

Kanda makes a sound, contemplates asking the female about…

About everything he's missed.

He doesn't, ignores the questions bubbling up inside of him. Allen's not his responsibility - he's just another casualty of war. Linalee's hunched over in her seat, her arms folded across her body, still clearly uncomfortable.

"D-Don't… don't tell anyone."

Kanda's head snaps in her direction. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Please." She looks up, through her bangs. "I can't let brother find out. He's got so many problems right now." Linalee earns a growl in response, can feel the train start to slow.

The Asian man stands, grabbing his things before stepping towards the door. "Just say the Finder died from an Akuma attack." He says before leaving the compartment. Linalee watches as the door slides shut, can feel a lingering pain in her chest as everything goes silent.

"_I'm so sorry Allen…"_

_xxxxxx_

The scent of smoke in his room is strong, nearly suffocating. Allen pushes himself up, stares at Cross as he sits at the desk in the corner. The man's watching him, appears to have been for a while now.

"Allen, what would you do if I left?"

"I… I don't understand, Master." There's a part, in the back of the boys mind, that tells him he does. It's something just outside of the empty space, a place that creates a bit of unease inside him.

Cross looks away, at the painting on the wall. "If you wake up one day and I'm not here anymore, treat Komui like he's your…Master…"

"Komui?" Allen repeats the word, places the name to the face of the Asian man he saw not long ago. He shifts on the bed, sits up and makes a move to stand. The General gets up and walks towards him.

"When the sun goes down, you're to go see him and let him give you a shot."

The boy nods in response as the man places his hand on his head, ruffles his hair.

"I want you to tell him that too."

"Tell Komui he is my Master?" The General nods, let's his hand go still atop the boy's head. "But you are the one who owns me…" His voice is softer now and it hurts Cross's chest, the knowledge that the boy before him is actually sad about him leaving.

"In an hour when your stomach starts to hurt, go get breakfast – and wear some damn pants with one of the white shirts." Cross turns heads towards the door.

"Is Master leaving now?"

"Yeah, I can't stay here with you anymore." The doors shut behind the General, Timcanpy fluttering about the room.

"Bye Master." Allen says.

_And he has no idea that he really means it_

Next Chapter is: That, Which Cannot Be Erased

Also, If you find errors in my typing let me know! I hate editing my own stuff…


	18. That, Which Cannot Be Erased

**Disclaimer**: DGM is not mine

**Warnings**: Cursing, and blood

Oh hey, I'm going to do Yullen "week" December 18 – 31st :) I can tell you the themes if anyone else is interested.

And to SammBAMM: I chose to spell her name as "Linalee" as that is how I like it and I think it reflects the pronunciation better. Lenalee was adopted when the Anime came out and for a bit her name was actually spelled Linali in the manga, WAY back when it first started. There are translation issues with her name as she is also known as Rinari (the Japanese do not differentiate between L and R in their language). There were similar issues when translating Lavi's name, as it could be Ravi or Rabi for that matter. I find your comment on my spelling of her name rather rude and inconsiderate, please think before you type.

_C_i_r_**c**Us o_f_ NI_**g**__h_T

_**~That, Which Cannot be Erased~**_

Komui's sitting in his office writing out a document, he has his head propped up on his hand as he stares down at the paper, pen having stilled for the moment. The members of the science department have left temporarily, decided that now would be a good time for a lunch break, even if it's later in the day. Komui runs his fingers through his hair, frowns to himself at the texture, makes a mental note to take a bath later.

He sets his hat on his desk and leans back in his seat, a vain attempt at easing the tension in his back. There's a knock on the door and he calls for the person to enter, smiles a little nervously as Lavi steps in. The redhead gives a slight wave as the doors pushed shut behind him.

"H-Hey…"

"Hello Lavi." Komui leans back against his desk, picks his pen up again. He's unsure of what to say.

"So um…" The younger man looks down, doesn't move away from the door. "Look, about last time-"

"It's okay." Komui interrupts him, "I understand that you're seeking comfort."

Lavi stares at the Asian man, his statement falling on the silent room. His words, as jumbled as they were, die in his throat. "I'm sorry?" He manages after a second.

"You're upset about Allen, feel guilty about actually caring and-"

"AND?" Lavi snaps, suddenly angry. "You think I'm just trying to comfort myself?"

Komui manages to keep his face from changing expressions, ignores the uneasy sensation in his chest. "Lavi…"

"No." The redhead snaps in a low tone. He steps farther into the room, places his hands on the back of the couch. "If you didn't want me to, you should have stopped me." His fingers tighten on the fabric as he feels it, bubbling up inside his chest.

He wants to lash out at the other, to shout at him till he feels better.

Lavi swallows the words back down, closes his eye and composes himself. "Bookman and I are leaving now, we'll report back in when we arrive." His words are suddenly empty, all too calm and collected for the expressive person who'd just been standing there.

Komui frowns this time, can feel the ache inside of him. He watches the other turn and step back to the door, pull it open an inch.

"I'm not the one who needs protection." Lavi says before leaving.

Komui drops his head onto his desk, buries his face in his arms and whines softly to himself. He hears the door click shut after a moment and wonders how long he has till the others return from lunch.

"So…you going to finally talk to me about him now?"

The Asian man let's out another strangled sound. "Reever…not now." He almost whines.

The blond man frowns from the other side of the desk. He waits to see if his friend will give in, like he tends to. When nothings said he sighs and leans against the desk, back towards the other. Reever looks up at the glass above them.

"He's right though, he doesn't need protected."

Komui's silent behind him. "I know," He says softly. "But is it so wrong to at least try?"

xxxxxx

It's just before the sun's starting to go down when Allen knocks on the door. The sound goes unheard at first, the room inside too loud and too busy. He knocks again and waits patiently to be told to enter. Komui's voice can barely be heard over the useless chatter. The noise inside the room makes Allen nervous.

He opens the door just wide enough to enter, eyes darting around before dropping to the floor. Everything slowly becomes quiet as the science department takes notice of him. Komui is standing off to the side with Reever, both peering into a book he's holding. The Asian man looks up, feels his heart stop briefly.

Allen's dressed as he used to, looks almost like he did before he left.

"Where's Cross…?" Reever asks, noticing the absent man. Komui makes a sound next to him, something unintelligent sounding that causes him to get an elbow in the rib.

"Allen, you can come farther in…"

The boy nods, walks to the middle of the room, hands fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves. Komui hands the book to Reever and walks over to him, stops a few steps short.

"Allen, do you know where Cross is?"

He shakes his head in response, eyes still on the ground.

"Did he tell you to come here?"

He nods this time, glances up at the Asian man and opens his mouth, shuts it again. Reever frowns at this, at the boy's hesitation to look at the other. He clears his throat, watches as Allen looks up and directly at him before glancing back at the floor.

"Oh no…" He mutters to himself.

Komui ignores the blond man and walks over to his desk. He pulls out the needle filled with his own concoction for Allen. "If you come here a second I can give this to you in your arm, since it's a little earlier than usual."

Allen obediently walks closer, tugs his sleeve up and holds his arm out. "I…" He starts as the Asian man ties a band around his upper arm, taps at his vein.

"Go on." He pushes the needle in and injects some of the fluid.

"I am to tell you something." The boy watches as the needle is pulled out, as Komui places a cotton bud on his arm and tapes it down. Reever heaves a sigh and marks the page in his book. He walks over towards the desk, behind Komui and waits.

"Master left this morning," Allen continues. "He said that when I wake up and he's not here anymore, that I'm to treat you as Master – as my owner."

The room is mostly silent then.

Mostly because Komui has let out a small shriek and nearly jumped out of his chair.

Nearly as Reever is pushing him back into his seat.

xxxxxx

The town she arrives at is small and at the foot of a mountain. The air is clean and has a slightly aromatic scent to it, something that wafts down from the vegetation surrounding it. The streets are still made of dirt, and still have stones set into the ground for when it rains.

Linalee wants rent a room out for the rest of the year.

The train station is set almost a mile from town, is small and out of the way. It's the only place that looks remotely up to date – the only place that has a paved walk way. Linalee sets her bag down, tightens her jacket around herself before leaving the train station.

She's about half way to the town when she realizes she isn't alone.

The female comes to a stop but doesn't turn around, waits for something to be said.

"It's awfully rare to find you all by yourself."

It's a sickeningly sweet voice that causes Linalee's skin to prickle. She turns slowly, looks over her shoulder at the other. Rhode smiles at her, white teeth and small lipped.

"Do tell your dear brother that I don't want my plaything harmed." Her eyes give off a glint that makes the Asian girls stomach twist uncomfortably. "I want to be the one that scars him."

Linalee turns away, considers ignoring Rhode – except the girl's standing in front of her already.

"I don't care how many precautions you take, he's going to be ours." Her voice is low, deadly, and it reminds her of her first mission with Allen, of the created room and all the damage done. There's a blast of wind, strong and kicking up the sand and dirt from the road before them. Linalee is forced to take a step back to balance herself, shields her eyes for a second.

The wind stops and Rhode is gone, just as quickly as she came.

xxxxxx

Komui doesn't know what to do with Allen, not when he's sitting on the couch, back straight and staring at him - just _staring_ at him. It's unnerving and more than just creepy, not to mention distracting. The Asian man looks back down, at the form he was filling out. He reads over what he's written, at the notes added in.

"You have to do it." Reever says from where his desk has been temporarily placed.

"I know," Komui huffs out. "I just dread giving it to him."

"It's not your choice this time. He can get as angry as he wants but its mandatory now."

Komui makes a sound in response and signs the bottom of the form. He glances up at Allen and looks away, uncomfortable with the attention. The boy hasn't moved since he asked him to sit down, hasn't said a word since. He clears his throat and sets the form on the corner of his desk.

It's taken him a good hour to complete it.

Allen blinks, fidgets just slightly where he's sitting. The Asian man looks at him. He doesn't know what to do with him, doesn't know what he should say or tell him to do.

"Allen, you can move you know."

"Yes, sir." The boy replies

"Just call me by my name." Komui props his head up on his hand, stares at Allen on the couch. He's fascinated by his appearance, at how he can look so much like himself during the day and then…

"Komui," Reever's voice cuts in. "You're staring."

"I know." The Asian man leans back in his seat, sags down into a slouching position. "I just wish I could fix this? Help more?" He stares up at the glass panel in the ceiling frowns at the tone of the sky. "Uh – what time is it?"

"Almost six." Reever stands, chair scrapping lightly against the ground. He walks over to the edge of couch, careful not to get too close to Allen. "Are you tired Allen?"

The boy looks at him but doesn't say anything. Komui lets out a soft frustrated sound before whining out, "You can talk to anyone that speaks to you Allen, you can talk to anyone okay?"

"Yes Komui." Allen's voice is oddly calm, lacks a certain quality that says he's _normal_, that everything is okay. It makes Komui's chest tight.

"And I'm fine, I'll sleep when Komui says I can." Allen smiles at Reever then, and it looks distorted and _wrong_ to both of the older men. There's something hollow and fake about it, something that just feels tainted.

"Allen come here – It's time for your shot."

xxxxxx

The sun's already filtering in through the windows when Allen finally sobers up from the medicine. Komui's sitting at his desk still, reading a file that wasn't there earlier. Reever isn't in the room anymore, it's just Komui and Allen. The boy sits up and blinks a few times. His body still feels sluggish, his limbs still a bit numb.

Allen watches the Asian man read the file for a minute, takes in his slopped shoulders and the dark circles under his eyes.

"Komui should get some rest."

The man looks up, gives him a small smile. "I will in an hour, I'm expecting someone soon. You should head back to your room, the one you've been sleeping in."

Allen nods and stands, walks silently to the door.

"I'll come get you for lunch later." The man calls after him, before the door falls shut.

The hall outside of the office is brighter, lit with large open windows along the exterior wall. It gives the building a different feel from at night when there's nothing but lamps lighting the halls. Allen walks slowly down the hall, eyes on the outside world.

He doesn't remember what it feels like to stand in the sun.

The boy looks away from the window, reminds himself that Komui said he's to go sleep in his room, not to do anything else. He starts walking, feet silent on the stone floor when he hears it.

Heavy booted steps coming towards him.

He looks down, tries to ignore the approaching person, watches their feet as they walk past him. Allen turns, glances at the others retreating back, at the long black pony tail placed high on the man's head.

He's struck with a pain in his chest and –

"Kanda." Allen says loud enough for the other to hear.

The swordsman glances back at him, irritation written across his features. He doesn't stop walking, just turns back around and continues on his way. Kanda misses it, the deep red that wells up in the corner of Allen's eyes, the blood the drips down his cheeks.

There's a wind that rips through the hall, so strong and fast that it shatters the windows as it goes. It hits Kanda's back, forces him to turn around and -

Allen screams.

He screams louder than the wind that broke the windows, loud enough for his voice to echo through the halls. It hurts – it hurts inside of his head, the pressure building behind his eyes – everything _hurts_. Allen grabs at his hair and pulls, screaming still. It's the pain from before, the one the circus used to discipline him, the one made him feel like his brain was melting in side of his skull. He leans forward and pulls at his hair, red blood dripping from his eyes, leaking from his nose and out his ears.

It hurts and he doesn't know what to do, can't stop the images flashing before his eyes – glimpses of things he was forced to forget. _"I…don't want this…"_ His voice echoes inside of his head. Allen can see it, can see the dark haired man above him in his mind, can hear his voice ringing in his ears. _"I wouldn't be here if you really didn't."_

Kanda's frozen in place, staring at the younger male. He can see blood seeping into Allen's white shirt on his back, from his shoulder blades.

"_Please… Hold me…" _The memories are echoing through the boy's head, images still flashing before his eyes – things he shouldn't be remembering.

Allen drops to his knees, shattered glass littering the ground. He pulls at his hair, rips some of the white strands out. His shirt starts to lift up in the back – leaf wings spreading and tearing his skin. He wants the pain to stop, wants to hit his head against the ground.

"I'm sorry!" Allen screams and pulls at his hair again, tries to cover his head. "Stop! STOP IT PLEASE!"

There are footsteps running down the hall, people coming from all directions and Kanda hasn't moved, doesn't know what is happening.

Allen tries to pull his legs up to his head, crumples into a ball, and tries to fold himself in. He's crying and there's blood still leaking from his eyes, from his ears and his nose. His back is streaked in it, the wings covered in little rivulets.

"Allen!" Komui is running towards them, Finders beginning to gather in the hall around them. The Asian man kneels down next to the boy, moves to touch his shoulder. Allen jerks away and covers his head.

"I'm sorry!" He gasps, voice cracking. "I'M SORRY!"

The woman is there in the blink of an eye – the Circus Master.

Kanda has his sword drawn just as fast, is slicing the air where she appeared. His cut goes straight through her – an illusion. "Stupid man." She snaps at him, waves her hand.

The swordsman goes flying back and hits the wall.

She turns and walks over to Allen, reaches down and drags her nails across the small of his back, over the brightly glowing lotus.

"You don't deserve these, Flower." She stands and looks at Komui, holds open her palm and shows him the five lotus petals. The woman smiles and blows them from her hand, watches them dissolve into the morning light.

She fades along with them.

Komui turns his attention back to Allen, does the only thing he knows he can do to stop the pain he's in. He gives him a shot, places the needle in his neck and injects all of the serum he has made.

Allen's trembling form goes limp.

"Komui!" Kanda screams at him, pulling himself up from the ground. "What the fuck just happened?"

The older man stares at him eyes hollow. He looks down at Allen and brushes some of his hair from his face, terrified at the woman's sudden appearance.

xxxxxx

Kanda's leaning against Komui's desk when the man comes back. He has his arms folded across his chest and is staring at the floor, glaring at the polished wood. He hasn't been back in a long time, hasn't been around for the _office cleaning_. The organized room and the dust free bookshelves unnerve him and put him on edge.

Komui stops the second he walks into his office, pulls the door shut behind him. Kanda doesn't move, continues to glare at the floor.

The older man clears his throat, wants to talk without his voice wavering.

"Kanda…"

"What the fuck happened?" Kanda looks up, glares at the other through his bangs.

Komui hesitates, lets out puff of air that seems to deflate him, shoulders sagging and posture drooping. "I don't actually know." He says walking farther into the room, towards his desk. Kanda turns to face him, eyes narrowed and expression pinched. He's heard a lot of things from the Finders, most of which he passed off as stupid gossip.

"What happened to the Moyashi?"

Komui doesn't answer, just picks the file up that he was filling out that night before and sets it in front of the younger man. "This is a mandated written leave of absence form on you. It came in the other day from Headquarters stating that you are to take no less than two weeks of leave from field work."

Kanda's shoulders tense as he stares down at the file. He knew that it was going to show up eventually, it's not much of a shock to him. What does surprise him is his superiors silence on the subject of Allen. He picks the file up and opens it, skims over the papers before taking a pen and signing the bottom, stating that he won't do any field work for two weeks.

Komui takes it and sets it off to the side. He leans back in his seat and looks up at the younger man. Kanda glares at him, waits to be dismissed.

"What…happened? Before – everything?"

For a second Kanda looks confused, his glare dropping only to be replaced with a frown. "I walked past him? He was staring off at the ground not moving until I passed him and then there was the wind that broke the glass and he screamed."

Komui nods and looks off at a distant bookshelf.

"Allen… got sent on a mission he shouldn't have gone on. The higher ups forced it on him and-"

"He's not right in the head, I get that."

"He doesn't remember anything either – except what he was taught there." Komui looks at Kanda and shakes his head. "I'm sorry that you're over worked because of this, please just take this time to relax."

"Are we done?"

Komui nods as the other turns and leaves the office.

xxxxxx

Allen's disoriented when he wakes up, dizzy inside of his head. His body aches in a muted form, like there's something blocking the actual pain he's in. He sits up, looks at the syringe going into his arm – an I.V. drip. He's in a brightly lit room, in an all too white bed with too white sheets.

There's a woman off to the side, humming softly to herself as she organizes a shelf. She turns when she realizes Allen's awake. "Ah – it's best if you just rest right now." The boy doesn't move, just stares at her almost like he doesn't understand what she said.

She frowns and starts to walk towards him.

Allen can feel his heart rate jump the closer she gets, can feel himself start to panic. The woman's not even at the foot of his bed when he jumps away from her, pulling the I.V. from his arm.

"D-Don't," he says in a shaky voice.

The nurse holds her hands up, shocked. "I'm not going to hurt you hun, promise!"

Allen shakes his head and retreats farther back against the wall, follows it until he finds the corner. He shrinks down and pulls his legs up to his chest, tries to make himself as small as possible. His eyes are large and he looks terrified to the woman, reminds her of an abused animal. She starts to slowly take a step back, heads towards the door to the infirmary.

The nurse sticks her head out into the hall, spots Miranda standing nearby uncertain and nervous looking. "Miss Lotto, can you please get the supervisor for me?"

Miranda jumps at her name, looks up rather wide eyed. "Y-yes?"

"Can you get Komui to come here? Tell him Allen's awake."

xxxxxx

Komui kneels down in front of Allen a good foot away from him. He waits for the boy to look at him, to acknowledge that he's there. When the other doesn't move, doesn't make eye contact with him, he frowns outwardly.

"Allen…"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" The boy looks at him this time, doesn't seem to know how to respond, or what is being asked of him. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, turns his eyes back to the tiled floor.

Komui inches closer, watching carefully for any signs of discomfort from the other. "You can say what you think, I like when you do."

Allen nods but doesn't open his mouth, doesn't say anything.

"Are you thinking anything right now?"

"There is… There is empty." The boy looks at him again and Komui can see it, the confusion in his eyes. He feels a lump of anxiety start to settle in his stomach.

"Empty?" He repeats.

Allen nods and asks, "Why am I in here?" He lowers his knees and inches towards Komui. "Why do I – why does my back hurt?"

The Asian man forces his spiking anxiety back down, stares at the boy before him.

"Allen, what do you remember from this morning?" He asks in a shaky voice.

"I… don't…"

_And he doesn't realize what has actually been lost_

Next Chapter: Baa Baa Black Sheep

Chapter updates will be slow as I'm going on vacation to my friends! So for a week I won't be doing any typing

Also: I AM LOOKING FOR A BETA :D This is unedited so if you see any errors please let me know!


	19. Artist for Hire

So this seems a bit weird to be posting but, I figured I'd do it because, what's the worst that can happen really (I might actually get a sale?)

I have posted on my Deviantart that I'm taking commissions, to help me pay for my root canal D':

The commissions are not just for art, but for** written text** :D My prices run as listed:

Drawings:

Chibi Colored: 5$ (no background/simple color)  
Colored full body person: 6$  
Full person: 7$ (no background/simple color)  
Fuller person with background: 10$  
Additional person added 2$ for Chibi, 3$ for regular

Examples of my art can be seen on my Deviantart, the link can be found on my profile

TEXT prices:

500 word drabble/mini story 3$  
Short story less then 1k in words 5$  
Short story less than 5k words 8$

Short stories ranging from 5k-10k will be around 10~14$ depending on the desired word count


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